What would you have done?

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I worked with these two girls both non-practicing Catholics. Anyway when I’m with them they talk about everything and anything (alot of the time making me very uncomfortable, but they are nice girls). And one of them brought up how a certain song gives her bad memories b/c she and her friend used it for comfort when she drove her to get an abortion. The girl 2 essential wanted details on how an abortion works. She said she would never get one, she just wanted to know about it. Girl 1 said it was gross and asked me if i wanted to hear it, and I said essentially i don’t want to hear about. Probably, b/c i pretty much know what abortion is and how it’s done. I’m not 100% sure but if girl 1 has ever looked at my facebook I make my stance on abortion as clear as day (Pro Life).

Anway, I kinda went about my work in stunned silence. Now I believe the girl 1 felt bad about the situation but I feel like she didn’t feel bad enough based on her tone. A huge part of me wanted to lay into her (verbally), but I kept my cool and keep her in my prayers. I don’t if i missed a “teaching moment” or if i did the right thing. Thankfully this girl made the only good choice and gave birth to her now 2 year old, but the whole situation made me disgusted. Funny thing is that I was/sort of still am attracted to the girl, but my conscience won’t allow me to ever pursue someone with values so out of wack. What would you have done differently if anything?
 
Booter said:
Anway, I kinda went about my work in stunned silence. Now I believe the girl 1 felt bad about the situation but I feel like she didn’t feel bad enough based on her tone. A huge part of me wanted to lay into her (verbally), but I kept my cool and keep her in my prayers. I don’t if i missed a “teaching moment” or if i did the right thing. Thankfully this girl made the only good choice and gave birth to her now 2 year old, but the whole situation made me disgusted. Funny thing is that I was/sort of still am attracted to the girl, but my conscience won’t allow me to ever pursue someone with values so out of wack. What would you have done differently if anything?
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I’m totally glad you did not “lay into her.” It is not yours to judge, much less to throw stones. He who is without sin chooses not to throw stones, so nor should you. It is not your job to govern whether she “feels bad enough” about something in her past. It may be totally grieving her and she may treat it lightly to try to convince herself it isn’t anything significant.

In some cases, I would say there are approaches you could make to offer some thoughts on the matter, but in this case – based on how you come across during this post as being a bit confused about your feelings for them – the best approach might be to not get personal with these girls. You already said you wouldn’t want a serious relationship with them, so don’t get personal unless they ask you directly what you think, in which it still might be good to decline.

Alan
 
I think I would’ve said something like, “Oh how sad. I am very sorry for your loss.” And if she insisted on giving all the gory details right in front of me, at some point I think I would’ve said, “That poor baby… you must feel terrible when you think about it? There are people who minister to women who are suffering emotionally because they’ve had abortions… if you’re ever wanting someone to talk to you let me know and I’ll give you the website links.”

It’s non-judgemental, and actually very sympathetic.
 
Booter said:
I worked with these two girls both non-practicing Catholics. Anyway when I’m with them they talk about everything and anything (alot of the time making me very uncomfortable, but they are nice girls). And one of them brought up how a certain song gives her bad memories b/c she and her friend used it for comfort when she drove her to get an abortion. The girl 2 essential wanted details on how an abortion works. She said she would never get one, she just wanted to know about it. Girl 1 said it was gross and asked me if i wanted to hear it, and I said essentially i don’t want to hear about. Probably, b/c i pretty much know what abortion is and how it’s done. I’m not 100% sure but if girl 1 has ever looked at my facebook I make my stance on abortion as clear as day (Pro Life).

Anway, I kinda went about my work in stunned silence. Now I believe the girl 1 felt bad about the situation but I feel like she didn’t feel bad enough based on her tone. A huge part of me wanted to lay into her (verbally), but I kept my cool and keep her in my prayers. I don’t if i missed a “teaching moment” or if i did the right thing. Thankfully this girl made the only good choice and gave birth to her now 2 year old, but the whole situation made me disgusted. Funny thing is that I was/sort of still am attracted to the girl, but my conscience won’t allow me to ever pursue someone with values so out of wack. What would you have done differently if anything?
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I’m confused. She had the abortion and then went on to have the two year old? Or she was going to abort the now two year old?
 
Hindsight can sometimes appear to be an exact science! But in the moment of shock we can’t always think of what we might say or do under less emotional circumstances.
However as you will already recognise, God is giving you the opportunity to pray very personally for these women, the one who has killed or child and the one who was interested in the details instead of seeing the grief of the abortion of a child. And others who share their position.

I can understand that it would be difficult to share about the whole reality of abortion with these women, as the one who aborted her child may take it as judgement, and if the women are non-practising Catholics, I guess you can’t gently suggest Confession?Or simply say, “your story made me feel sad” as that could perhaps only lead to hostility that achieves nothing? Or can/should you? but you can continue to keep the women and all who court abortion, in your prayers…

The woman who was ‘interested’ certainly needs more facts and a greater understanding of the horror of abortion and what exactly happens to the baby in abortion, but if she shares it with the other girl there is no telling what impact this would have. If to bring about repentance and confession, and healing, that would be good, but if it brought about breakdown…so I would be struggling with what to do also…I’m only certain regarding the prayer.
 
Booter said:
b/c she and her friend used it for comfort when she drove her to get an abortion.
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Ambiguous antecedent. Did your coworker get the abortion or did she drive her friend?

In either case, I think you probably handled it to the best of your ability. If the topic comes up again, perhaps you could say something like, “I’m surprised that you can talk about such a traumatic situation so casually.” If she asks why, you can go on to (calmly and charitably) explain that abortion causes the death of an infant.
 
We praise and thank You Father for every human person whom You have loved into existence. Flood Your blessings upon all who welcome and nurture those whom You breathe everlasting souls. Grant that each of us lives fully Your commandments of love, Your gift of Your love to Your human creations.

We have received the opportunity to live our lives enriching others’ lives, yet some of our sisters and brothers suffer their lives to be stolen from them, even before they are born.
Father we ask that You grant Your Angels such great power over this world that they can stand between our little ones and their murder.

Have mercy upon those who through fear, pressure, or convenience, procure and those who preform the killing of Your precious children. Please pardon and heal them of this great wound in their spirits.

Have pity on us, our God, for the loss of so many valuable persons to our world. We are poorer not only for the sin of their murder, but also because they are our sisters and brothers, intended as our family, our spouse, our teachers, our leaders, our friends, our community for all eternity.

Please give all the aborted persons a great ministry of prayer for their parents and for our world.

Mother Mary remembering the grief you felt when 12 year old Jesus disappeared for only three days, and remembering you pain when Jesus was unjustly arrested and harshly used, please pray for these parents, and for unborn children.
 
PatriceA said:
I’m confused. She had the abortion and then went on to have the two year old? Or she was going to abort the now two year old?
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Neither of my coworkers had an abortion and I don’t think they ever would. One of
them drove another girl (whom I don’t know) to get one. And the he is w/o sin cast the first stone kept going through my head, but on the other hand i don’t think i should be dismissive either. It’s all very sad.
 
You could still respond to what this co-worker said, by approaching her privately and saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about what you mentioned the other day. It sounds like it was really painful. If your involvement in your friend’s abortion is bothering you, you might want to talk with someone about it. Here’s a number (or a website) where you or your friend who had the abortion might get some help…” Your co-worker can take it or leave it and you never have to say another word, but you might plant the seed for her to address the issue and maybe help her post abortive friend do so also. You just need to check with your local diocesan Pro-life office, or some group like Priests for Life, on where to direct them.
 
Just a word of warning about saying anything further to this girl, if you do and she complains to the boss who will he side with? You are at work and it is a consideration. I think you did the right thing in walking away, it let her know you disaprove.
Do you wear the precious feet pins to work?
 
Also in regards to the first fellow who HAD to mention being judgmental! Who won the race to get to the prolifer first with the “thou shalt not cast stones” bit, If he had said " you do realize that particapating in the death of an innocent child is a mortal sin and you need to find a priest and get that filthy sin of your soul, and never particapate in such an evil action again" he would NOT have been being flipping judgmental, he would have been saving her soul.:banghead:
 
sherimarie said:
Also in regards to the first fellow who HAD to mention being judgmental! Who won the race to get to the prolifer first with the “thou shalt not cast stones” bit, If he had said " you do realize that particapating in the death of an innocent child is a mortal sin and you need to find a priest and get that filthy sin of your soul, and never particapate in such an evil action again" he would NOT have been being flipping judgmental, he would have been saving her soul.:banghead:
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Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. The OP might have made sent a very strong message already, in not wanting to hear about the abortion.

There is a time for speaking out boldly and a time for holding one’s tongue. I get the feeling that such a statement that you suggest might be taken as judgmental, and that there might be a better way to approach the subject with the other person.

It would only be “saving her soul” if she took the advice as intended. Advice only works when the recipient is ready to receive the message.
 
=Booter;6713055]I worked with these two girls both non-practicing Catholics. Anyway when I’m with them they talk about everything and anything (alot of the time making me very uncomfortable, but they are nice girls). And one of them brought up how a certain song gives her bad memories b/c she and her friend used it for comfort when she drove her to get an abortion. The girl 2 essential wanted details on how an abortion works. She said she would never get one, she just wanted to know about it. Girl 1 said it was gross and asked me if i wanted to hear it, and I said essentially i don’t want to hear about. Probably, b/c i pretty much know what abortion is and how it’s done. I’m not 100% sure but if girl 1 has ever looked at my facebook I make my stance on abortion as clear as day (Pro Life).
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Anway, I kinda went about my work in stunned silence. Now I believe the girl 1 felt bad about the situation but I feel like she didn’t feel bad enough based on her tone. A huge part of me wanted to lay into her (verbally), but I kept my cool and keep her in my prayers. I don’t if i missed a “teaching moment” or if i did the right thing. Thankfully this girl made the only good choice and gave birth to her now 2 year old, but the whole situation made me disgusted. Funny thing is that I was/sort of still am attracted to the girl, but my conscience won’t allow me to ever pursue someone with values so out of wack. What would you have done differently if anything?
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By virtue of the fact that God gives us a mind, intellect and freewill to 1. enable us to know, love and serve Him, 2. to choose good an avoid evil; we can change from bad to good; or good to bad. PRAYER works wonders.

I’m unclear in your example if the #2 girl was seriously considering an abortion? If she was and you were aware of that; you then would have been morally cupabple to try at least to disuade her. If girl #2 gve so such indications; then it seems clear that speech alone was not going to change the mind of girl #1? So your lack of action would not have been sinful.

Was it a missed opportunity? YES! BUT we all miss opportunities.You could have and probably should have at least made th statement that you oppose abortions.

Love and prayers,

Let us pray!
 
Booter…I’ve had a chat room on www.PalTalk.com for 7 years now called “Abortion Experiences Discussion”…and I can tell you, from what you’ve described of the conversation, that Girl #1 is still in denial. She’s looking at the physical issue, while trying very hard not to look at the emotional issue – that she killed her own baby.

You can’t just walk up to someone like this and say “You murdered your own baby. Don’t you at least feel guilty for doing it?” She’s not ready to hear that.

The best thing you can do at this point is to just continue to pray for her, and to be a good example of humility and love. When the time is right, she will bring up this issue with you – and then pray to the Holy Spirit as to what to say to her. He will not fail you.
 
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