What's morally ok regarding marital relations?

[Mrserwin2]

I can’t climax during relations. We’ve been married five years and I can’t climax during. I can do it myself. I’ve tried teaching hubby, but he’s been unable to do it and has lost confidence in his ability to even try. Is it ok for me to do it myself with him watching? I just dunno what’s morally acceptable.

 

[pensmama87]

I can’t climax during relations. We’ve been married five years and I can’t climax during. I can do it myself. I’ve tried teaching hubby, but he’s been unable to do it and has lost confidence in his ability to even try. Is it ok for me to do it myself with him watching? I just dunno what’s morally acceptable.

Many women, due to our anatomy, rarely if ever climax during intercourse itself (you said “relations,” which could apply to everything before, including, and after, but I did want to clarify that point too).

I would consult a priest to ask about your specific question. Still, your husband is obligated to try to satisfy you, so he should keep trying. I lean towards thinking what you want to do is at the very least morally iffy, and possibly opens the door for approaching sex from a not-good place for both you and your husband. (Men can have a similar problem to you, in that they are so used to their own stimulation that it can be difficult for them to climax with another person).

I would also say that, if you haven’t already, you consult a medical doctor and maybe a psychologist who specializes in sexual issues who could help you (preferably a Catholic, and if not, someone who is respectful of Catholic morals, because the advice can be craaaaaaazy). If you’ve had someone who was dismissive of your concerns, see if you can find someone else.

 

[pensmama87]

One thing I would also add, is that if the primary method you’ve been trying to teach your husband is about duplicating what you do yourself, then in some ways I think you’re priming him to fail - after all, he’s not inside your head and can’t automatically adjust based on your thoughts. I would suggest he’d probably have a greater chance of success if he tried something different that you couldn’t do yourself, so you don’t have the same kinds of expectations going in.

I would also suggest lots of time for relaxation beforehand, and lots of time during, and to work hard at not expressing frustration with your husband when he does try, and instead offer encouragement (don’t fake it, but in my experience not climaxing does not equal not enjoying it.)

 

[ProdglArchitect]

I can’t climax during relations. We’ve been married five years and I can’t climax during. I can do it myself. I’ve tried teaching hubby, but he’s been unable to do it and has lost confidence in his ability to even try. Is it ok for me to do it myself with him watching? I just dunno what’s morally acceptable.

Unfortunately, doing it yourself is masturbation, even if it’s not intended to be selfish, so you can’t morally do that. Have you tried physically directing your husband, hand in hand? That way you are receiving the type of stimulation that will be effective while simultaneously joining with your husband in the act.

The suggestions about about relaxing beforehand are really spot on. If you’re tense or stressed it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to orgasm. If you two don’t do any prolonged foreplay you should probably try it. There are plenty of decent games or activities you could do together to get you into the proper mindset. I’ve also found that massage is a great primer, it helps my wife get relaxed before hand. You might look into that, plus, if your husband learns how to give a good massage, it’ll really help with your overall stress levels.

There are thing you can do doing intercourse that may help, such as using a vibrator; and if your husband does climax before you are able to it is perfectly acceptable for him to help you over the edge afterwards. The introduction of exterior stimulation during intercourse helps a lot of women who have difficulty climaxing through regular intercourse.

The last thing I’d like to say is that you should always encourage your husband. I’m very fortunate that my wife is generally able to climax during intercourse, but those few times where she doesn’t, I feel devastated and inadequate. When it happens, please comfort your husband, he probably needs it…

 

[nadiaperez1]

I am married and also suffered something similar to your situation. Due to my lack of knowledge of my faith and the moral in my marital act. I made my husband “explore” with “things” that helped me climax. After listening to a talk by father John Riccardo on Theology of the body by Saint Johhn Paul II. It changed my life.

I realized we were going in a wrong path. I started praying so I can enjoy my marital act with my husband. I started enjoying the foreplay and every caress he gives me. I am not sure if this helps but please pray to our Lord to give you the blessings to give yourself to your husband and he to you in the purest way possible because it is the only way you give each other in totality.

In Gods love

 

[SusanneT]

I am married and also suffered something similar to your situation. Due to my lack of knowledge of my faith and the moral in my marital act. I made my husband “explore” with “things” that helped me climax. After listening to a talk by father John Riccardo on Theology of the body by Saint Johhn Paul II. It changed my life.

I realized we were going in a wrong path. I started praying so I can enjoy my marital act with my husband. I started enjoying the foreplay and every caress he gives me. I am not sure if this helps but please pray to our Lord to give you the blessings to give yourself to your husband and he to you in the purest way possible because it is the only way you give each other in totality.

In Gods love

Well explained.