What's my responsibility as 'designated driver'?

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Flopfoot

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Designated driver is the person who, when a group of friends go to the pub / club / place with lots of alcohol, doesn’t drink (or doesn’t drink much) so that they are sober enough to drive everyone home at the end of the night.

I know my obvious responsibilities - don’t drink, make sure everyone gets home safely - but I was wondering, since I am the sober one, is it my job to make sure everyone is staying out of trouble and not drinking themselves to death? I figure that it’s up to each individual as to how much they drink (why should I count their beers?), but then again, the more you drink, the less you think you should stop drinking.

The other night we were at the pub, I was the driver… at one point four of us went to the kebab shop, the other guy didn’t want to get a kebab so we left him there with a few girls we’d met. Apparently they only had 1 more shout after we went but at the end of the night this other guy was very sick (I guess he’d been drinking more beers the rest of the night and not just when we left him) - throwing up in the carpark. I felt like maybe I should have kept an eye on him earlier… maybe said something… its hard to tell when this guy is drunk though - well at least, until he was throwing up it was hard to tell… I don’t know - did I something wrong / not do something I should have done?
 
I would read Paragraphs 1809 and 2290 of the CCC, and ask myself if my actions are encouraging the seemingly sinful activities of my friends.
%between%
 
I would find some other ways to have fun, because this frankly does not sound like a lot of fun to us old fogey been there done that ex-hippies.
 
Maybe he had a bad night and had too much. It happens. If you aren’t enjoying this then don’t go out with them. But if you do enjoy it then let it go. Each man is responsible for his own consumption and should be able to keep it together.
 
As the DD your job is to not drink and roll the drunks home afterwards. Now you can have some fun with it, my friends and I would stop at ever gas station and every drunkard would cough up 2 bucks for gas money! I could make twenty bucks on the way home!
 
Is it just me, or does anyone else see a problem with “drinking as entertainment?” Doesn’t the Bible caution us against being drunk? So many other damaging things can happen besides just being in a car accident. I say, keep your wits about you at all times, don’t put yourself in a position where you have lost control of yourself physically, mentally, or otherwise. Lots of bad things happen when an otherwise rational person loses his/her mind to alcohol for an evening.
 
Why do you want to hang around these people when they are drinking so much that their behavior is absolutely infantile? By that, I mean that they cannot even take resposibility for their own actions, like babies. If these friends don’t support your Catholic view of life, God, redemption, and eternity (including how to behave so that you get to heaven) by their actions and values, why should you should spend your precious free time with them? Does this sort of evening bring you closer to heaven, or does it leave you feeling bewildered, used, and a little dispirited? The question you might want to ask is if you still want to spend time with these people socially when they are drinking.
 
Hmm not many of these answers seem that relevant to my question (except for Ham1 - thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut) but I’ll try to reply to everyone…

Timidity - I read those paragraphs, about temperance. Thing is that you can drink without drinking too much - so just taking them to the pub is not encouraging sin in itself. It’s not as if I encourage them to drink more after they’ve already had too much to drink.
Anyway, they will still go to pubs and drink even if I don’t give them a lift - they’ll just find some other way to get there and back.

Puzzleannie - You would know the effects of alcohol better than I do then, and hence the reason why people like to drink - because it reduces their inhibitions which means they talk more and laugh more and do things they would normally be too shy to do.

Ham1 - True, each man is responsible for his own consumption… however, I feel like it’s not very nice to go, oh well, it’s your fault for drinking too much, so I don’t care what happens to you now… that’s my sort of dilemma you see?

TarAshly - Doesn’t that sound a bit dishonest, to take more from them in petrol money than it actually costs you? I don’t take petrol money because I’m not sure how much it costs and we don’t drive that far away anyway.

Susie - That’s why I don’t get drunk. That’s also why I’m asking, is it my job to keep an eye out on my friends if they choose to get drunk?

Cupofkindness - Thing is, that I can’t tell the future. I don’t know if they are going to get drunk and act absolutely stupid and wreck the night, or if they are going to just drink a bit / enough to be merry but not sick and hence we will enjoy the night. But the latter is more common with these friends so generally I don’t mind going out drinking with them.
Plus, people don’t have to share my values or be Catholic to be my friends. I already don’t have enough friends as it is to be excluding anyone on that basis.
Does it get me closer to heaven? I don’t know. Does it get me further away from heaven? Don’t think so. But sometimes, when we go out and have a really good night (and no one gets sick or does anything too dangerous), it makes me really glad to be alive - that’s a main reason why we go.
 
As the DD, you are only responsible to get them home safely.

As a Christian, you are responsible to make sure they don’t hurt themselves, get in trouble, or hurt others.

You also have a responsiblity to yourself. If the behavior is out of control to the point of getting yourself hurt or in trouble, you have to consider whether you want to continue partying with these particular people. But if it’s the norm for no major problems, then I don’t see a problem with it. Just remember, excessive alcohol can quickly turn a funny situation into a deadly one.
 
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Flopfoot:
Timidity - I read those paragraphs, about temperance. Thing is that you can drink without drinking too much - so just taking them to the pub is not encouraging sin in itself. It’s not as if I encourage them to drink more after they’ve already had too much to drink.
Anyway, they will still go to pubs and drink even if I don’t give them a lift - they’ll just find some other way to get there and back.
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But you give the distinct impression that you expect that they will drink to excess. In fact, that was part of your question!

In any case, I left out paragraph 1868 of the Catechism:
Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
  • by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
  • by protecting evil-doers.
 
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Timidity:
But you give the distinct impression that you expect that they will drink to excess. In fact, that was part of your question!

In any case, I left out paragraph 1868 of the Catechism:
Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
  • by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
  • by protecting evil-doers.
Click to expand...
He is not helping them commit sin. Even if they are not drinking to excess, they still should not be driving.

Getting back to your original point. Friends keep friends from ending up in trouble. So, it probably was not wise to leave your friend all alone. It’s everyone’s job to make sure all friends make it home safe.
 
I would say that if you are truely concearned about someone drinking too much, maybe you should have a talk with them when they are sober. you could say something like, “hey “bob” I was realy worried about you last night. you got pretty sick.” say somethng about how too much of a good thing is NOT a good thing. you know him and know how to talk to him. sometimes, we can look like a geek trying to tell someone that you think they are drinking too much. Just say that as his friend and DD, you want to make sure he has the best time possible without hurting himself, hense, you driving him home after a party.
that sonds kind of lame, but I’m sure you get what I’m saying. just chat when him when he’s sober because when he’s drinking, it’ll do no good to say something.
 
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pira114:
As the DD, you are only responsible to get them home safely.

As a Christian, you are responsible to make sure they don’t hurt themselves, get in trouble, or hurt others.

You also have a responsiblity to yourself. If the behavior is out of control to the point of getting yourself hurt or in trouble, you have to consider whether you want to continue partying with these particular people. But if it’s the norm for no major problems, then I don’t see a problem with it. Just remember, excessive alcohol can quickly turn a funny situation into a deadly one.
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Great reply pira114, I think you covered it 🙂
 
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