What's wrong with my husband?

[Deltadeliquent]

I have posted about my situation before. Things have not gotten better.
So I’m now trying, once again, to try to understand what is going on with my husband.
Any honest responses, especially from men, would be appreciated.
I’m at the end of my rope, and am very close to walking out.

Our marriage is not our first, for either of us.
After eight very happy years, We retired and moved to a different place that we thought would be a wonderful place to live and base to explore the area, and do things we never had the time for before retirement.
Husband has always been sweet, and generous. I had been a stay at home wife and mother until we got together, then I managed to carve out a nice little niche by teaching.

Within six months of retirement, hubby was back at work. Gone from the house for two weeks out of four.
Money is now his all consuming interest. We do not need more money, but he wants as much as he can possibly earn. He goes back to our prevevious place and sees his daughter, and his friends and family every month.

In the meantime, I am stuck at home, alone, pet sitting. There are no jobs where I live, and the nearest town is 2.5 hours away. I am honestly alone in the woods with little to do, or people to see for half of my life.

I am terribly depressed. I miss the place we used to live, and I miss the life I used to have. I cry all the time, I sometimes want to die. I often go for those 15-17 days alone without even seeing another soul except on TV. After months of fighting, hubby agreed to move. We even found a wonderful place that is even better than the property we have now. House is up for sale.

However hubby insists our present property be priced too high. We have had two showings in six months, one of which was another realtor. Hubby refuses to,ower the price to something reasonable for the market here. He wants to make 80,000$ On a property we have owned for two years.

We have money in the bank, but hubby refuses to use it to buy the new property, and he refuses to take out a mortage. He makes more now, than when he was working full time before retirement. And we have a generous final salary scheme type pension.
We are not wealthy, but we are more than comfortable.

To me, it seems he is playing games and has no intention of moving. He can say he has tried, but he has no control over selling the present house, he can just shrug his shoulders and look chagrined.

Can any man out there give me some light on what in the world has happened to my husband? Why is money now so important to him? Why is he suddenly so concerned about money when we have more now than ever? Why is he so willing to trade me and my well being for cash?
We have plenty of savings AND a pension that would make most couples whoop in joy for, plus the money he makes now consulting. He just seems to want to see the numbers get bigger and bigger. Perhaps he is getting some respect he didn’t get before, but it’s going to cost him a lot more than that.

I have posted on this before, but not in quite this way.
I am so ready to leave him, truly on the edge of walking out, and have been for months.
But I am reluctant because up until his retirement he has been a wonderful husband and we were quite happy.

 

[Xantippe]

“I am going to rent a studio apartment on the big island or the mainland. You can come visit me when you like. I’m not staying at this house anymore, and I’m going to start looking for homes for the animals because I can’t take them to a studio and you can’t take them on your trips. Alternately, we can price the house at a break even price, sell it, and rent for 6 months to a year in alternate location while we figure out if we like alternate location and get our relationship back on track. Two choices, honey. Which is it going to be?”

I know some people attempting to sell in your market, and you probably have a very small window for selling it this year before the weather gets vile.

I would also suggest doing the online version of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University together and start working on your finances together–it would be feasible for both of you to work on it while he’s traveling.

Hopefully, your husband is just going a little nuts about saving for his old age. The other option is that he is having an affair back home and the work is just a cover story for the affair.

Best wishes!

 

[Deltadeliquent]

Yours right. I need to stop being so passive. I’ve waited enough.

Admin, you can delete this thread. I guess I already know the answer…

Thanks everyone.

 

[true1]

No man goes nuts about money a few months into retirement, or he wouldn’t have retired.

This is an affaire.

Get a detective, not only to find peace in the truth, but to get evidence for court and protect your assets.

Sorry if this sounds shady, but unfortunately, it’s the only way. He will lie if you ask him, so don’t. He’ll start covering his tracks.

THEN move out.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Sounds to me he should be a Taurus star sign,like a bull at the Gate,
Must always prove to the whole world just how good they are,
Not much you can do with a guy like that, if you can’t have a civil rational Conversation where he can’t see you sensible argument , then sadly, you can’t change them,
Unless they change themselves,or at least willing to try,
If you can’t persuade him to enjoy your company, then it’s a huge loss to him,
Maybe he is lacking intermit moments, what else could it be, would need to talk,