What's your Opinion regarding SPANKING?

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I do have old fashioned views about this and do think it is needed more today. It should never ever be done while you are still angry IMO.
 
I know that I deserved it every once in a while. It always set me straight, even the threat of a spanking would do the trick.
 
Sometimes an important lesson or discipline needs to be underlined with a spank to get the message across to the child that you (the parent) must be obeyed and that certain items are not negotiable. That the consequences are very serious and painful because the issue is so critical. Like running away in a busy parking lot.

I never spank my teenagers. I try to avoid spanking children just because they hit one of their siblings. I usually spank only the bottom, but will slap a hand if someone isn’t listening and is reaching for something dangerous, or keeps touching something that they shouldn’t, etc. I NEVER, EVER HIT A CHILD ON THE FACE.

I always regret spanking children for less than critical issues where I reacted out of anger or frustration rather than concern for my child’s soul.

I try to avoid spanking and use that form of discipline as a last resort. When I am peaceful, the message I mean to convey in spanking gets across better. I try to use a wooden spoon on a clothed bottom. I offer the child forgiveness as well as helping them understand the entire matter at hand.

So, I think spanking is alright, but I work hard to listen to my child, observe the situation before reacting, and I pray. I remember that the Holy Spirit dwells in my children and aim to treat them with respect, even while I spank.
 
Never spank a child when you are angry. If it’s done properly, it can be a very useful tool.
 
As bad a punishment that spanking was for me as a child (I mean, as much as I would dread it), there was something worse. After I misbehaved at the doctor’s office, the grocery store, Mass, or wherever, my mom sometimes would tell me “You didn’t behave well at all! I was looking forward to buying you a treat if you did well, but now I won’t be able to.” This would absolutely break my heart!! I had such regret at not behaving and would cry all the way home. But then, when I did behave well, my mom would always tell me how happy she was that I behaved, and sometimes she would get me a treat. You can’t just tell the kid they messed up, you have to give positive reinforcement as well. I do hold an old-fashioned view of spanking, though.
 
Dear Catholic Sam,
You make a good point. I do question using food treats as rewards however, because I think it might contribute to bad eating habits down the road. Obesity in our population is a big problem and I think we should not use food treats as rewards. Just my opinion of course, I haven’t read any studies substantiating my theory.
 
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spiritblows:
Dear Catholic Sam,
You make a good point. I do question using food treats as rewards however, because I think it might contribute to bad eating habits down the road. Obesity in our population is a big problem and I think we should not use food treats as rewards. Just my opinion of course, I haven’t read any studies substantiating my theory.
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I am with you 100% on the food treats, Spiritblows! I should have mentioned that the treat was usually (but not always) something non-edible such as a new hair clip or something like that. Inexpensive, but still something I was devastated at having lost through my disobedience.
 
Scripture recommends it. So who am I to refudiate scripture ?
 
I’ve yet to hear an adult that was spanked as a child say that he/she didn’t deserve it (spanking not to be confused with physical abuse.) I say it is much needed. Teachers were allowed to spank children when I was in elementary school. I taught for a while and remember mentioning that fact to a couple of students. They were shocked and one said that if a teacher ever tried to hit him, he would throw him across the room. Many kids lack not only respect, but fear of God, elders, authority figures, etc. The lines of authority have been blurred for today’s youth.
 
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CatholicSam:
As bad a punishment that spanking was for me as a child (I mean, as much as I would dread it), there was something worse. After I misbehaved at the doctor’s office, the grocery store, Mass, or wherever, my mom sometimes would tell me “You didn’t behave well at all! I was looking forward to buying you a treat if you did well, but now I won’t be able to.” This would absolutely break my heart!! I had such regret at not behaving and would cry all the way home. But then, when I did behave well, my mom would always tell me how happy she was that I behaved, and sometimes she would get me a treat. You can’t just tell the kid they messed up, you have to give positive reinforcement as well. I do hold an old-fashioned view of spanking, though.
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This is a good point. Each child is different; has different needs; and responds to different things. As the father of eight, I can state quite definitively that with some of my kids, just a sharp look or a “Dad is disappointed” was much worse than had I spanked them! (A couple of my kids have even told me this themselves – a “just spank me and be done with it, but don’t be disappointed”.)

With other kids, the opposite has been true!

I don’t think that there can be a “hard and fast” rule.
 
I don’t have children, but I have a girlfriend who gave birth several years ago. She was a fallen away Catholic and “enlightened” by rational thinking. She claimed she would never spank her child because it was brutal and unenlightened. Fast forward a few years and she is spanking her child along with her “un-enlightened” Catholic friends.

“Time outs” sound great in theory until you actually meet a child in reality.
 
JGheen said:
“Time outs” sound great in theory until you actually meet a child in reality.
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Very true. One cannot reason with a child. If the consequence is of no effect to them, then they won’t fear anything you do. That is why I never used time outs. What is it to a child to be removed from an activity for only some time? Most kids can do that standing on their heads.

As one who has raised two well-behaved daughters, I used spanking only when gentler methods failed or an offense was very serious. Thankfully, I didn’t have to use it much. When I did, I explained to the girls why so they understood the consequence that had led to it. It was a very seldom occasion if they repeated the same offense again.

One must never spank a child in anger. But it does have its place in the proper disciplining of a child.
 
In retrospect…
I wish I had squeezed more love hugs out of them than delivered fanny swats.
Fanny swats are OK but don’t ever get carried away…think love…love and hugs. Use swats very sparingly…for emergencies only…like when you need to make a point that will help a youngster immediately understand a life or death situation.
 
My mother and father had a policy that I think worked very well with my siblings and I (there are ten of us, all “grown up” 😉 now). They never spanked us for trivial things. There were other punishments used for stealing cookies out of the cupboard or writing on the walls. They only used spanking (strapping actually, since it involved a belt rather than our parents’ hands… which I am thankful for) when we us endangered our own lives or the lives of others.

This gave us a sense of the seriousness of actions that we performed, but never one that was out of proportion.

As a side note: my parents used the “Go out into the porch, and don’t come back in until you have reconciled.” approach to sibling-sibling disputes. It worked very well. None of us wanted to spend very long in our 4.5’x4.5’ porch, and when we came back into the house the dispute was considered settled, and justice was felt in forgiviness and solidarity rather than separation and punishment.

God bless,

Agricola
 
Here’s my experience: I was one of 5 kids. My mother watched us during the day and would assign a certain number of spankings, if we were unruly. (I would be spanked rarely - maybe every few months. But my older brother got spankings monthly or even weekly sometimes.)

When my father got home at night, he would administer the spankings. And they HURT. My dad would always hug us before and afterwards and tell us that it hurt him more then it would hurt us.

I never bought it though and always hated my dad for hurting me. For some reason I never blamed my mom, even though she was always the one to assign spankings. Perhaps because I knew I deserved being punished & because the assignment of spankings was so closely linked to the actual bad behavior.

As an adult I see the necessity of spanking and that my father was actually doing what was best for me. As a child going through it though, it was impossible to understand.
 
Before we had kids, my husband and I heard Scott Hahn’s view of spanking during a talk he gave. He said that he thinks kids should be spanked for “open defiance”, and that it teaches them that *sin hurts. *Our sin hurt Christ – physically – on the cross, and our children need to make that connection as well. There must be physical pain attached to open defiance.

Fast forward to today. We now have 5 children, and we spank on occasion. But, we try to stick to spanking when the child basically looks at us and says, “No.” In other words, for open defiance. It’s pretty rare, and it doesn’t happen anymore for the older children. Children need to learn that sin hurts.

I also agree with the people who said not to spank in anger. I have been guilty of it, however…
 
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StratusRose:
I know that I deserved it every once in a while. It always set me straight, even the threat of a spanking would do the trick.
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I was spanked when I was young and it helped ( I guess) and remeber many times I said how little it hurt and how much I regreted saying that… it all depends…
Laura 😛
 
Growing up in the dark-ages, spankings were routine. Back in the day, we got ‘licks’ in school. Just try that, today.

In school, getting ‘licks’ was an image enhancer. Returning to the classroom after those loud pops in the hall made you a sort-of celebrity. It meant you were ‘tough’. Besides, ‘licks’ were always better than detention. It was quick and over with, but detention seemed to last forever. In Junior High, one of my teachers figured out that, given the choice, I always took the ‘licks’, so I eventually lost the option for ‘licks’.

I selected the ‘last option’ poll choice, but with my kids, just between you and me, when dicipline becomes a real problem, I might threaten a spanking, adding the dreaded nice, long waiting period, but then don’t do it. As I recall, it was the wait that was worse. They always seem to step back in line without resorting to corporal punishment.

I also tend to let them choose the punishment. Funny thing though, they always seem to choose a punishment that’s worse than what I would have dished-out. So far, the resulting good behavior always earns reductions in ‘time-served’.
 
Kids who are loved don’t feel abused when their parents spank them for reasonable reasons.
 
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