When do I ask her to marry me?

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reyclaw

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Here is my dilemma: I have been dating a wonderful woman for almost 1 1/2 years. We are both seniors in college and are currently searching for jobs. After much prayer I have decided that I am going to ask her to marry me.

However I dont know when to ask. I am debating whether it would be more appropriate to wait to ask until I have a job or to go ahead and ask her to marry me now. Part of me feels obligated to make sure I can take care of myself and her but there is also a part of me that is saying just ask (who knows when either of us will find jobs in this economy).

I plan to talk to my priest in the next couple days to get some advice but also wanted to hear what other people had to say. Any advice? Thanks!!!
 
Well then, the time is now.

Part of being married is being open and honest with each other, as well as just “being on the same page” with regards to where you are going and life goals. The two of you should be of the same mind when it comes to getting married.

If you end up waiting until you get a job by that time she would think you are not interested in commitment and … then what?

Jist go ask her…
 
HHMom said:
Well then, the time is now.

Part of being married is being open and honest with each other, as well as just “being on the same page” with regards to where you are going and life goals. The two of you should be of the same mind when it comes to getting married.

If you end up waiting until you get a job by that time she would think you are not interested in commitment and … then what?

Jist go ask her…
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Hmmm…I was going to say he has a certain duty to provide for his wife, but then, heck! Just asking to marry her doesn’t mean you’ll be married tomorrow! Or even this year! Good grief, she could even say no! 😊 Itsa…possibility?

Though isn’t it proper form to ask the parent’s first?
 
Some things you need to ask yourself are:
  1. (If you aren’t the faith) Will we be able to make a go of a mixed marriage? There are LOTS of pitfalls when two people aren’t the same religion.
  2. Is she open to having children?
  3. Do we share the same life goals?
  4. What are her ideas about money–they may be very different from yours. This needs to be resolved before you marry.
  5. Are you compatible enough for marriage. Living with someone for the rest of your life entails being able to relate to each other, at least enough that major disagreements don’t become marriage busters.
If you have a handle on these questions, then I’d say ask her. If not, you need to get to know one another a bit more before popping the question.
 
The right time to ask is when you KNOW what her answer will already be. If you don’t KNOW she’ll say yes, you’re not ready.

Also, keep in mind that proposing doesn’t mean you get married in a few months. Most marriage prep programs want at least 6 months before the wedding. And, you can delay it further, depending on your financial situations (and whether or not parents are paying for a significant part of it).

Realistically, unless you’re planning a major production for the proposal, most of the money is going to be in the ring (and much of that will be the diamond). You can probably get a nice ring for under $1000. Don’t let the jeweler sell you the huge, colorless, flawless diamond with exotic metals for the band. I’d recommend something in the 1/4-1/2 karat, near colorless (G, H or I), and clarity in the SI1-3 range (flawless only to the naked eye, but easily seen under the 10x scope). You can always upgrade the stone later (and re-mount the original stone into a pendant/earring/etc.). But, do have the ring insured (in case a prong breaks and the diamond is lost).

(no, I’m not a jeweler, but I did a lot of research when I got engaged because I was on a tight budget).

Good luck!
 
If you feel that the two of you want to be with each other for the rest of your lives - day in and day out - and you’re on the same page as far as beliefs and values, go ahead and ask her! The two of you (and the priest) can decide on the proper time for the wedding, afterwards.
My own preference would be for a proposal on one knee (either with the ring or with another special one until the two of you choose a diamond), asking for the blessing of the parents, then deciding together the time for the wedding.
 
Thanks for all the feedback. Havnt completly make up my mind yet but will probably propose soon!!!
 
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