When do prayer requests = gossip?

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StephanieC

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Someone says to you, "Please pray for Jane. She’s having surgery for _____ tomorrow.

Or you’re in a faithsharing group and when it comes time for prayer intentions you hear, “Please pray for my sister in law. She’s going through a bitter divorce and her husband’s been unfaithful.”

I should preface my question by saying that I truly believe in the power of intercessory prayer. I know that I have benefitted from the countless prayers of others.

But…

When does a prayer request turn into a sort of back-door entry to sharing too much information? Where’s the fine line, how do we know when it’s been crossed, and how do we keep from crossing it?

Does anybody else feel as squeamish about this as I do? I always thought that by saying “Please pray for a special intention for Jane” one could avoid violating Jane’s privacy, for example.
 
Special intention would be fine on some lines. Others may require at least the activators to know what it is because they only take certain “kinds” of situations. :rolleyes:

My wife was on prayer line for a couple years. Most of the time it didn’t seem that prayerful. Often it came at a bad time, or she wasn’t home or whatever, and it seemed like a bother as much as anything, and not conducive to prayer. At the time it occurred to me this phone tree was really just informing, although I’m sure others took it more to heart.

I don’t have any problem with the prayer line, and I think it’s fine for those who want to be on it. I don’t think they are gossiping to the point that I would limit their involvement. In faith, at least some of these people are doing what they think will help, and perhaps they are.

Alan
 
I’ve heard of prayer phone lines/trees before, but that’s actually not the particular situation I’m encountering. It’s more of a one-on-one nature, e.g., just chatting with my mother-in-law, or a friend, or in a small church group. The conversation proceeeds as usual, then it’s, “Oh, please pray for xyz…”

It could be just me, and my own tendency towards “less is more” when it comes to disclosing personal information.

There are times when it seems that it would be more respectful of a person’s privacy to simply say, “Please pray for Jane. She has some medical concerns.” Period–leave the gory details up to Jane to share, if she so chooses!
 
I think it depends upon the reason the person is passing on the information. If it is a sincere request for prayer, then I don’t think it would be considered “gossip.”

When someone shares something with me and asks me to pray for them, I will often ask if I can share their request with others and if so, how much information they’d like me to share. Then I know I won’t be offending that person.
 
Agreed! But what about when it’s a second-hand request that gets a little too detailed? E.g., “Please pray for Jane. She’s having a hysterectomy tomorrow.” I don’t know if Jane wants everyone to know that…:eek:
 
Some might consider “please pray for Jane” offered with no available explanation as a tease, and therefore rude. If I were like most people, my first question would be “what happened to Jane?” Then if you don’t tell, it’s like a game of “see I know something you don’t know.” If you don’t tell me, I’m going to worry about it until I find out somehow or other so you might as well just tell me at that point.

Of course the biggest issue is, “is it something serious” as in, what kind of faith level is needed for this prayer (kind of like asking “how high”). Also, should we be doing something to help her, like is she incapacitated? Is it a matter of saying a quick prayer for her while she has a boil checked out, or do I have to get out the Heavy Duty Prayers for her brain surgery?

If it is something that probably should not be disclosed, then it’s probably best to say nothing at all.

Alan
 
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StephanieC:
Agreed! But what about when it’s a second-hand request that gets a little too detailed? E.g., “Please pray for Jane. She’s having a hysterectomy tomorrow.” I don’t know if Jane wants everyone to know that…:eek:
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In cases like this, you have to look shifty-eyed and act you’re letting them in on a secret that nooobody else should hear. Then she is implicitly warned not to reveal her source. 😃

Alan
 
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StephanieC:
When does a prayer request turn into a sort of back-door entry to sharing too much information? Where’s the fine line, how do we know when it’s been crossed, and how do we keep from crossing it?

Does anybody else feel as squeamish about this as I do? I always thought that by saying “Please pray for a special intention for Jane” one could avoid violating Jane’s privacy, for example.
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that is exactly why the practice of allowing members of the congregation to throw in their own intentions during Mass is frowned upon. the general principle is when someone asks you for prayer, the details are given to you in confidence and the confidence must be respected.
We are very strict about this in our cenacle and have rules for intentions - no personal details about ourselves or others.

Please pray for all those who are ill especially Jim and Susan.
Please pray for my son Mike (no further details necessary)
Please pray for a special intention for my husband Tom.
Please pray for all of our catechists, parents and students who have asked us for prayer, and for all those intentions we hold in our hearts.

The other thing to avoid is asking for prayer and turning it into a counselling session, don’t give more information than we need to know. Please pray for my son John who is using drugs again and coming home at all hours and for me because I don’t know how to deal with it yadayada., she should have stopped after “John”.

what usually happens is somebody says after the meeting or service: I did not know Jim was sick, what’s wrong, did his cancer come back?" you say: I don’t know, I did not ask, it’s none of my business, just that he is asking for prayer.
 
Dear friends

PuzzleAnnie is right.

All we need to know is that a person requires prayer, infact we all require prayers to be said for us, for the sake of our souls.

It is only curiosity that tries to find out all of the details, that curiosity may be perfectly innocent fuelled by concern for an individual or it may be a desire to get hold of a piece of juicy gossip and being plain nosey. It’s all in the intent.

We need simply the name of the person, ‘Lord help Fred according to his needs and your Holy Will for him’ that’s it, then a person can offer Holy Mass, a Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, some piece of work or chore, some suffering or whatever they are able to offer for this intention. We don’t even need to know the name of a person…‘Lord the man who I saw walking with a stick, I don’t know his name, help him according to his needs and to Your Holy Will for him’

God knows everything, we need to know nothing, but that we should pray for all people and we don’t need any details whatsoever about them.

If we are close enough to know the details of the person and we know a person who may be able to alleviate their circumstances, we should always help a person with their PERMISSION. In the Carmelite TOC rule, we are to minister to the sick etc, that is done by prayer and offering help, aid and visiting them.

In the Tsunami, in the slums of Calcutta and in Sudan, Darfur we don’t know all of those people, but we know the details of their sufferings, we offer prayer and financial aid. We speak of it because of our concern for them all and their losses and sufferings. Our world is a global village where the news of the suffering can reach us in seconds by all forms of media. We don’t think great we have a juicy piece of gossip. We are immediately called to our Christian duty of works of mercy.

If in knowing the details of someone’s suffering we turn that into gossip rather than prayer, help and ministry, then we have not fulfilled our Christian duty.

It’s all in the intent and how we personally deal with information we are privelaged to know.

Please if you remember say a little prayer for me and I will pray for all of you. Thank you.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
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puzzleannie:
The other thing to avoid is asking for prayer and turning it into a counselling session, don’t give more information than we need to know. Please pray for my son John who is using drugs again and coming home at all hours and for me because I don’t know how to deal with it yadayada., she should have stopped after “John”.

what usually happens is somebody says after the meeting or service: I did not know Jim was sick, what’s wrong, did his cancer come back?" you say: I don’t know, I did not ask, it’s none of my business, just that he is asking for prayer.
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Yes! This is what concerns me! I would be MORE than happy to pray for John; I just wonder what the purpose of sharing all of the details serves. I’d rather skip the person’s commentary.

Once, in a group, after each request (“Please pray for Susan; she just had a miscarriage and she and her husband have been trying to conceive for 3 years, and they don’t know if they should keep trying…” etc., etc.) in unison, the group would respond, “Aww…” It just started seeming less prayerful and more “juicy” to me; hence my post.
 
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springbreeze:
We need simply the name of the person, ‘Lord help Fred according to his needs and your Holy Will for him’ that’s it, then a person can offer Holy Mass, a Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, some piece of work or chore, some suffering or whatever they are able to offer for this intention. We don’t even need to know the name of a person…‘Lord the man who I saw walking with a stick, I don’t know his name, help him according to his needs and to Your Holy Will for him’

God knows everything, we need to know nothing, but that we should pray for all people and we don’t need any details whatsoever about them.

Teresa
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That’s perfect. I think I may use that when in groups.
 
the other objection to adding details to intercessory prayer is when we get into telling God how to handle the situation and add our own commentary

Please pray for Mary and Fred, who are going thru a tough time since Fred started running around with his secretary, who is a slut, just like her mother, please clock Fred up side the head, dear Lord, and make him keep his pants zipped and help Mary do a better job as a wife and mother so Fred won’t go looking in greener pastures, we pray to the Lord . .
 
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