When does thought become mortal sin?

[Theresalux]

I’ve always been somewhat concerned about sinning in thought. As it seems much more easy to do than say, a sin that requires physical action, like stealing something, or hurting someone by punching them…something like that. Sinning in thought just seems so much more dangerous because it doesn’t require any specific scenario to come about.

I’ll give an example. So I am getting married in a few months, and righty so, my life of chastity will shift in a way suited to married life. My fiancé and I were talking about how we wanted the wedding night to go, so that we will both be comfortable, and were discussing the general layout of the night and how we wanted it to progress. Nothing graphic or overly specific, but some of our plans were intimate in nature of course. The conversation left me feeling a litte hot under the collar due to its nature, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I felt the way that I did. I even interjected a few times that perhaps we should cut the conversation short because of the way I was feeling.

Now I’m just wondering, when do thoughts and conversations of a sexual nature become sinful? Is it sinful to discuss such things with a future spouse? Or not? Or are these things only sinful if the purpose and goal is to arouse the passions?

 

[Diaconia]

This sort of thing is best discussed with your confessor or spiritual director.

Deacon Christopher

 

[Sbee0]

I’ve always been somewhat concerned about sinning in thought. As it seems much more easy to do than say, a sin that requires physical action, like stealing something, or hurting someone by punching them…something like that. Sinning in thought just seems so much more dangerous because it doesn’t require any specific scenario to come about.

I’ll give an example. So I am getting married in a few months, and righty so, my life of chastity will shift in a way suited to married life. My fiancé and I were talking about how we wanted the wedding night to go, so that we will both be comfortable, and were discussing the general layout of the night and how we wanted it to progress. Nothing graphic or overly specific, but some of our plans were intimate in nature of course. The conversation left me feeling a litte hot under the collar due to its nature, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I felt the way that I did. I even interjected a few times that perhaps we should cut the conversation short because of the way I was feeling.

Now I’m just wondering, when do thoughts and conversations of a sexual nature become sinful? Is it sinful to discuss such things with a future spouse? Or not? Or are these things only sinful if the purpose and goal is to arouse the passions?

These kinds of thoughts aren’t sinful by themselves, everyone has them. When you recognize they’re there and nurture them and dwell on them anyway then they can become sinful. Probably best to discuss with a priest or in confession.

 

[Theresalux]

Im just wondering if I need to go to confession.

 

[Vico]

I’ve always been somewhat concerned about sinning in thought. … of a sexual nature … are these things only sinful if the purpose and goal is to arouse the passions?

Well, first of all for mortal, the though must be gravely sinful (inordinate) and recognized as a sin – or callously disregarded – and then a commitment to it is made to it, called entertaining. For example planning a date for the purpose of fornication or adultery: where should I go to find someone, planning the purchase of prophylactics for it, etc., that is, one is serious about doing it.

The Baltimore Catechism has:

**A. 1316. We are commanded by the ninth Commandment to keep ourselves pure in thought and desire.

**A. 1317. The ninth Commandment forbids unchaste thoughts, desires of another’s wife or husband, and all other unlawful impure thoughts and desires.

**A. 1318. Impure thoughts and desires are always sins, unless they displease us and we try to banish them.

A. 1324. The sixth commandment differs from the ninth in this, that the sixth refers chiefly to external acts of impurity, while the ninth refers more to sins of thought against purity. The seventh commandment refers chiefly to external acts of dishonesty, while the tenth refers more to thoughts against honesty.

Q. 775. What persons, places and things are usually occasions of sin? A.
1. The persons who are occasions of sin are all those in whose company we sin, whether they be bad of themselves or bad only while in our company, in which case we also become occasions of sin for them;
2. The places are usually liquor saloons, low theaters, indecent dances, entertainments, amusements, exhibitions, and all immoral resorts of any kind, whether we sin in them or not;
3. The things are all bad books, indecent pictures, songs, jokes and the like, even when they are tolerated by public opinion and found in public places.

 

[Theresalux]

Well, first of all for mortal, the though must be gravely sinful (inordinate) and recognized as a sin – or callously disregarded – and then a commitment to it is made to it, called entertaining. For example planning a date for the purpose of fornication or adultery: where should I go to find someone, planning the purchase of prophylactics for it, etc., that is, one is serious about doing it.

Based off of my OP, taking into account my conversation regarding our wedding night, (obviously of a sexual nature) do you think this constitutes a sin of thought? The conversation was not graphic or specific, more romantic and intimate. But it did cause some excitement. However it was not dwelled upon.

 

[Theresalux]

Though maybe I’m overthinking it…