When is separation and divorce the only option​?

[indymb]

I also am worried about the children, both those who are still with the wife and those who already left. Indymb, ask your boys, maybe they do want to come and stay with you. I gather from your post that your wife is a rough person and the boys are still risking her wrath, if they cross her. I understand parental discipline, but rage is not the same as discipline.

The boys are very sensitive and protective of mom, since I left, and she reciprocates. Her rage has not been on display for awhile. In fact, we all try to not provoke her. She is more likely to give one of the kids “the finger” for something they say, then to hurt them physically. She is not a physical abuser.

 

[Still_Hoping]

Honey, please go to and/or have those family members go to an Al-Anon meeting for at least several months. (whether or not there is alcohol invovled). It teaches about detachment, boundaries, and how we are not responsible for other people’s decisions and how they choose to run their lives. I’m so sorry you have to hear that, and sad to say, many Catholics use this kind of thing to tell you that you are responsible for “getting your usband into heaven”----this I’ve never understood — since it’s essentially enabling him to continue as is with no confrontation as to his sin, just your continued suffering. We aren’t Christ. He died for our sins, but he wasn’t co-dependent. He doesn’t enable our sin to continue. He gives us choices, but we are the ones who make choices and lets us.

Unless people are confronted with their sin there most likely will be no change. If the other person expresses the fact that they respect themselves enough not to put up with abuse, etc…then there’s something clear on the table to work from or ignore. Otherwise , it’s business as usual. I grew up with the scenario of business as usual b/c on of my parents seemed too scared to confront, and we kids were abused as a result of that fear. It’s better to just be truthful in love and lay things out, rather than let things keep staying the same, year after year after year. Kids get the message **“my gut is telling me this is weird and wrong, but since no one is validating that I guess I’M THE ONE THAT’S screwed up and can’t trust my gut.” **My $.02.

God Bless you,

Your $.02 is worth more than you think. For the first time someone was able to confront the age old issue of women suffering their men to convert them. I too believe that you should make aware of someone’s sins to help them, not to judge them. I would want the same for me. We are so isolated and politically correct that we can’t speak our minds.

I lost myself in order to save my marriage and now I wonder if it was all worth it. If my children are ok than maybe. But they know I am sad deep down no matter how I mask it. Children only want to see their parents happy which gives them security.

Till now I have been blamed for every problem in my family. Even as a child my mom told me I was to blame for her marital problems. Too much guilt that is not warranted. I need to free myself of this.

God Bless you all.

 

[Still_Hoping]

(Add-on) But back-up: First and foremost do what you think God is telling you to do. If God-and-life are telling you to hash in through with her and continue on as-is, just please let your kids know what you’re doing and the truth in it and all. Don’t leave them thinking, “God is making Dad and us be unhappy in this.”

This is the difficulty. I don’t know His take on this. I am still waiting for something.

You are right I will have to explain how I feel to my children and that God is not bringing us unhappiness. If you like we can continue this conversation on my thread. I don’t mean to hijack this thread.

 

[gretahope]

This is the difficulty. I don’t know His take on this. I am still waiting for something.

You are right I will have to explain how I feel to my children and that God is not bringing us unhappiness. If you like we can continue this conversation on my thread. I don’t mean to hijack this thread.

Still Hoping—this little chunk was directed toward the OP And now I realize you have your own thread, which I again said the same thing about Al-Anon

OK—I’ll go to your thread again. Take care.

 

[joandarc2008]

There are four stages to battered woman’s syndrome - it does shed some light on things and why things happen the way they do:

4 stages of battered womans syndrome