When is withholding the truth a sin?

[Lou2U]

From re-reading all of the posts and listening to you, it appears to me that the mom is over-protective to an unhealthy level. The destructive behavior, to me is the mom’s over-protectiveness. That is what needs to be stopped. As well intentioned as the mom may be, she is hurting her own child. Advising the adult child to placate the mom is doing nothing but enabling the destructive behavior. Whether or not you upset the mom should not factor in the decision on how to handle this. Moving out in and of itself will not solve this issue. The only thing that will end the destructive behavior is for the daughter to stand up for herself and back down the mom.

It’s time to tick off the mom. After all, you would be helping her end her own destructive behavior, as well intentioned and misguided as it is.

That’s just my opinion on this situation.

I agree with the sentiment, but practically it’s not feasible. It may not be safe for Angel to “tick off” her mom, and it isn’t a good idea to do so with an abusive person.

Honestly, the best things for Angel to do are:
– Put herself first
– Move out
– Get a spiritual director
– Get a counsellor to help deal with this
– Cut contact with abusive family members
– Trust her gut instincts and her own opinions

Lou

 

[Minion_w_a_drum]

I agree with the sentiment, but practically it’s not feasible. It may not be safe for Angel to “tick off” her mom, and it isn’t a good idea to do so with an abusive person.

Honestly, the best things for Angel to do are:
– Put herself first
– Move out
– Get a spiritual director
– Get a counsellor to help deal with this
– Cut contact with abusive family members
– Trust her gut instincts and her own opinions

Lou

I agree whole heartedly, Lou. Many of these situations call for steps similar to what you’ve listed. I simply stated to tick off the mom, generally speaking. And from the sounds of it, the steps you listed will certainly do that. I in no way meant to imply she do this on her own, especially if she isn’t properly prepared.
Ultimately, these are just tragic situations- Family members thinking they are doing the right thing when they really are not. Much turmoil and strife is sure to ensue in this situation, no matter the response. But if everyone maintains focus on the end goal, good can come from these situations. True good that is, not false good, which is not good at all…

If the OP does all of the above steps that Lou stated, good and right will prevail. For all involved.

 

[pianistclare]

For those who do not know angel’s situation, you can read her posting history.

She’s in college, blind, daughter of over-protective Asian parents who are not practicing the faith, with control issues.
Angel has be trying to get a spiritual director for at least a year.
No progress. Why? Only she can answer, but I have become frustrated with those answers.
Many of us have befriended her, and pray for her well-bring. She’s a brilliant girl, suffering from scruples and the high expectations of her mom. She desires to know more about the faith and be a good Catholic. Her scruples and her disability often derail her best intentions. She has a tendency to read old documents, repeat what she has “heard” from some questionable people about the faith, and wonders about things that some people just call common sense issues. But that’s the nature of scruples. It can be debilitating.

Sometimes we get frustrated, but she’s a good girl who is struggling to find her way.
Peace.

 

[Andrea_Day]

The only time we are obliged to give information is when it is requested by some one to whom we owe obedience. Parents (for kids), police, etc.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

For those who do not know angel’s situation, you can read her posting history.

She’s in college, blind, daughter of over-protective Asian parents who are not practicing the faith, with control issues.
Angel has be trying to get a spiritual director for at least a year.
No progress. Why? Only she can answer, but I have become frustrated with those answers.
Many of us have befriended her, and pray for her well-bring. She’s a brilliant girl, suffering from scruples and the high expectations of her mom. She desires to know more about the faith and be a good Catholic. Her scruples and her disability often derail her best intentions. She has a tendency to read old documents, repeat what she has “heard” from some questionable people about the faith, and wonders about things that some people just call common sense issues. But that’s the nature of scruples. It can be debilitating.

Sometimes we get frustrated, but she’s a good girl who is struggling to find her way.
Peace.

Thanks for clarifying this for everyone. I wanted to say more in my own post, but didn’t want to intrude in her privacy. I have worked with and lived with the blind and they have a hard time of it. I can also understand that her mother is overly protective of her; after all it is her child. As time goes on and with her new job the mother hen syndrome may get easier, which is why I said for the other posters not to “tick” her mother off. We can pray for her and her good intentions.