P
petitefleur
Guest
Dear friends,
I’m wondering if you have any advice for me.
I always found it deeply enriching and relaxing to take public transport after work and just relax in a public park, take a walk outside, etc. I found these activities very inspiring, since I’m also a writer who likes to think deeply about various issues in life and society.
A few months ago I came back home to take care of my student visa, and I found the situation in my country and hometown very disturbing. Local counselors, priests and fellow Christians have been living here for many years and thus cannot understand my difficulties, and I feel ostracized from everyone. Lately I’ve been feeling very negatively about myself (an internal “voice” keeps telling me that I’m worthless and that no one loves me, and it’s very tormenting), but the infrastructure here is very bad (public transport is unsafe, there are very few public parks, etc.) People usually choose to unwind in these gigantic shopping malls, but I don’t find strolling in these malls very inspiring or relaxing. Since this is a Muslim country, and I’m a girl from both a racial and religious minority, it’s considered unwise for me to go out by myself. Crime rates are quite high and girls going out alone are often targeted, so I have to be chaperoned, etc. I find the whole thing very, very distressing, but the locals are so accustomed to this environment that they cannot offer any support. What I found most distressing is a few priests who in the beginning were very helpful, but as soon as they realized that I’m in a difficult situation, they won’t even respond to my repeated prayer requests. A few days ago, this town was hit by a series of suicide bombings, so all churches are currently heavily guarded. This whole situation makes me feel “trapped”, as if there’s no freedom, support or outlet to vent my frustrations.
I’ve tried doing some traveling, but I find it most exhausting since there’s no specific purpose to my travels, and traveling has never been a hobby of mine. I used to have a very positive outlook on life, but now everything seems very gloomy. I’ve been to some counselors, but this situation is not exactly a textbook case study, so their only advice was for me to “cope with things until I can go to grad school”.
I’m quite alarmed by this deterioration in my overall condition, not to mention spiritual life. I used to be quite devout, but now when I think of going to Church for adoration, I have this mental picture of all these security guards and yellow tapes (no vehicles are allowed near Churches) and I just feel, “No one cares anyway, why bother?” something like that. Even before the bombings, the Church has been afraid of being too vocal in evangelization, and they’re afraid of any thinker or writer who dares to have opinions on these issues. It’s like, I’m craving for support and understanding, but the more I express this wish, the more unwilling people are to offer support. I just feel absolutely rejected and abandoned, which is perhaps what triggers these “negative internal voices”. I’d be grateful for your prayers and advice. Thank you!
I’m wondering if you have any advice for me.
I always found it deeply enriching and relaxing to take public transport after work and just relax in a public park, take a walk outside, etc. I found these activities very inspiring, since I’m also a writer who likes to think deeply about various issues in life and society.
A few months ago I came back home to take care of my student visa, and I found the situation in my country and hometown very disturbing. Local counselors, priests and fellow Christians have been living here for many years and thus cannot understand my difficulties, and I feel ostracized from everyone. Lately I’ve been feeling very negatively about myself (an internal “voice” keeps telling me that I’m worthless and that no one loves me, and it’s very tormenting), but the infrastructure here is very bad (public transport is unsafe, there are very few public parks, etc.) People usually choose to unwind in these gigantic shopping malls, but I don’t find strolling in these malls very inspiring or relaxing. Since this is a Muslim country, and I’m a girl from both a racial and religious minority, it’s considered unwise for me to go out by myself. Crime rates are quite high and girls going out alone are often targeted, so I have to be chaperoned, etc. I find the whole thing very, very distressing, but the locals are so accustomed to this environment that they cannot offer any support. What I found most distressing is a few priests who in the beginning were very helpful, but as soon as they realized that I’m in a difficult situation, they won’t even respond to my repeated prayer requests. A few days ago, this town was hit by a series of suicide bombings, so all churches are currently heavily guarded. This whole situation makes me feel “trapped”, as if there’s no freedom, support or outlet to vent my frustrations.
I’ve tried doing some traveling, but I find it most exhausting since there’s no specific purpose to my travels, and traveling has never been a hobby of mine. I used to have a very positive outlook on life, but now everything seems very gloomy. I’ve been to some counselors, but this situation is not exactly a textbook case study, so their only advice was for me to “cope with things until I can go to grad school”.
I’m quite alarmed by this deterioration in my overall condition, not to mention spiritual life. I used to be quite devout, but now when I think of going to Church for adoration, I have this mental picture of all these security guards and yellow tapes (no vehicles are allowed near Churches) and I just feel, “No one cares anyway, why bother?” something like that. Even before the bombings, the Church has been afraid of being too vocal in evangelization, and they’re afraid of any thinker or writer who dares to have opinions on these issues. It’s like, I’m craving for support and understanding, but the more I express this wish, the more unwilling people are to offer support. I just feel absolutely rejected and abandoned, which is perhaps what triggers these “negative internal voices”. I’d be grateful for your prayers and advice. Thank you!