When the poor around us may not really need our help

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dje101

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Hello,

I would love your opinion on this matter.

Over the past few months, I have been making more of a conscious effort to help those in my city that I see that may be in need of some help, specifically the homeless that I see. I have done this through simple things, such as buying them a drink or a sandwich.

On one particular occasion, I met a woman while on my way in to the grocery store. I offered to buy her a sandwich, an offer which she accepted. On my way out of the store, I walk over to give her the sandwich and see that she is smoking a cigarette. I gave her the sandwich and bid her a good day, but I couldn’t help but be very frustrated at the fact that she was smoking cigarettes. My thinking was that, the sandwich that I had bought her didn’t cost any more than $3 (though it was a decent size sandwich), yet she would rather spend her money to buy these packs of cigarettes that could instead be used to purchase food for herself. It angered me to the point that I have not offered to buy her a sandwich since. I’m not rude to her in any way, but I don’t see the point in helping someone who is willfully choosing not to help themselves, but instead spends her money on cigarettes.

What are your thoughts on this?

If you had a similar situation, would you say something to the person about spending their money more wisely? Would you continue to offer to buy them food?
 
I would say give freely or don´t give. You obviously felt this person was in need and you responded due to your faith in God. Your money was used for food not cigarettes and you know that. Many people struggle with very serious problems and addictions, cigarettes may be the least of them. Lecturing someone after you have done a few days grocery shopping and are about to drive off in your own car could induce shame and humiliation in someone who is barely making it day to day. It would be a high price for them to pay for a sandwich.Treat others the way we want of be treated. If you are homeless and someone comes over to you and scolds you for smoking, what would that be like? We have to give the way God has given to us - unconditionally.

There but for the grace of God go I.
 
I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen and saw a lot. I knew poor people who smoked, and I have heard that cigarettes cut the appetite and calm people down. I can’t judge although I choose not to smoke myself.

Sometimes I gave food directly to poor families and I felt that was the right thing to do at the time.

I agree with the previous poster that it’s better to give freely than not at all. Paul said in the New Testament that God loves a cheerful giver. Maybe you could give money or time to a soup kitchen or similar organization rather than individuals.
 
dje101 said:
Hello,

I would love your opinion on this matter.

Over the past few months, I have been making more of a conscious effort to help those in my city that I see that may be in need of some help, specifically the homeless that I see. I have done this through simple things, such as buying them a drink or a sandwich.

On one particular occasion, I met a woman while on my way in to the grocery store. I offered to buy her a sandwich, an offer which she accepted. On my way out of the store, I walk over to give her the sandwich and see that she is smoking a cigarette. I gave her the sandwich and bid her a good day, but I couldn’t help but be very frustrated at the fact that she was smoking cigarettes. My thinking was that, the sandwich that I had bought her didn’t cost any more than $3 (though it was a decent size sandwich), yet she would rather spend her money to buy these packs of cigarettes that could instead be used to purchase food for herself. It angered me to the point that I have not offered to buy her a sandwich since. I’m not rude to her in any way, but I don’t see the point in helping someone who is willfully choosing not to help themselves, but instead spends her money on cigarettes.

What are your thoughts on this?

If you had a similar situation, would you say something to the person about spending their money more wisely? Would you continue to offer to buy them food?
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i understand every word you have said.but dont forget that smoking is an addiction.better to buy them food and a warm drink than to buy them there addictions,alcohol,smoking,drugs whatever it is…

God loves you and all people… you turn your back on the poor ,of spirit or need you turn your back on Jesus…

keep up the good work,dont forget to talk aswell to these people,they need positive words aswell as actions…
 
I was homeless for a period of time. Thank you for your generosity. One thing that I can tell you is that she may not have bought the cigarettes herself. Many people would drop packs off, just like you did the sandwich. I don’t smoke, but I can tell you many of the people I knew who did had no problem getting cigarettes from people. it was frustrating because I had a hard time getting enough food for myself and my son (he was 4 at the time), but no one ever had a problem getting their cigarettes, alcohol, drugs…

Honestly, it is hard for me to blame them for accepting things like that. It provides a relief from their circumstances, a sort of comfort I guess. I never got into the addiction cycle, praise God, and I’m pretty sure that was my saving grace, the reason I made it off the streets and out of shelters. I now have so much more than I ever imagined was possible. I also give back as much as I can when the opportunity presents itself because I know first hand what it was like and what I needed back then. I don’t think it is right to cater to their addictions. But I don’t judge the poor for giving in to their addictions either.
 
I was thinking about the cost of tobacco the other day. This might not make any sense, but maybe someone can enlighten me on where I’m going wrong. For the record, I don’t smoke and I think it is gross. My husband chews tobacco and I also think this is a very nasty habit. However, he has struggled with anxiety and depression. A couple of years ago he gave up chewing and his anxiety got bad enough he went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him anxiety medicine and told him to go back to chewing. So this brings me to my point. The anxiety drugs are pretty cheap compared to the tobacco, but the main reason tobacco is so costly is because of the taxes. My question then is why does society consider certain drugs to be good but tobacco so bad that it needs to be so highly taxed? I could be wrong, but I don’t think alcohol is taxed as high as tobacco. It just isn’t making any sense to me.

In relation to the topic, would it have bothered you so much if she had spent her money on anxiety drugs prescribed by a doctor. If not, why?
 
Excellent answers all…

7armyrugrats hit on the point that occurred to me. Just because a person is smoking a cigarette doesn’t mean that they bought it. After all, she ate a sandwich that she did not buy.

In my life I have seen many many people…working people…“bumming” cigarettes from one another. I can most certainly see the same thing happening among poor and homeless people.

Peace
James
 
I give you credit for giving to people on the street.

I’m a New Yorker, and I can tell you when I was coming up in the 70’s and 80’s, my heart became completely hardened to the plight of the poor and homeless, simply because it was just so overwhelming. The homeless were everywhere, the begging incessant. It was a terrible time here. The drugs, alchohol abuse, fights and arguments, stabbings, not to mention the mentally handicapped, I just turned off and turned away just to keep my sanity.

Although thing are much better these days, I have never gotten past those grim times and I rarely give to a street panhandler or such. Now, I prefer to give to Catholic Charities or something similar that can distribute the money properly and where it is needed.

God Bless those of you that can give and get personal with the homeless…
 
Matthew 6:3 comes to mind…once you give, don’t think about it, God knows why you gave it and that is what is important…

When I was young people would always approach my dad for a few bucks…once I said to him “dad, don’t give them any money they’re going to spend it on ____ or____” he told me to be quiet…that was over 20 years ago and after he passed away and I saw all the people who came to his funeral,… not knowing most of them, I thought to myself “who are they” and alot of them were people he helped,… we, his family knew nothing of…(and yet they knew who WE were)…amazing how God works…

When you give, just forget about it…

Just some thoughts…
 
I used to volunteer at my church’s food pantry and I was rather infuriated when I would roll a cart of food out to a waiting Cadillac Escalade with rims. It made me really angry, because there are a lot of people out there that say they are poor when they have the opportunity to fix the situation. If the owners of that Escalade even sold their rims alone they would have the money to feed their family. They might even have more money for their food budget than I do! They were too wrapped up in looking cool to use money wisely! I drive an old car. So does my husband. We live like college students so we can make sure to pay our bills and be self-sufficient. I wish others would do the same.

Nevertheless, I think we need to help people anyway if they say they are in need. Perhaps the person is mentally unstable and that is leading them to make terrible decisions. On top of providing for the short term needs, it is good to direct people toward the resources that can help then make long-term changes.
 
Kindness said:
I would say give freely or don´t give. You obviously felt this person was in need and you responded due to your faith in God. Your money was used for food not cigarettes and you know that. Many people struggle with very serious problems and addictions, cigarettes may be the least of them. Lecturing someone after you have done a few days grocery shopping and are about to drive off in your own car could induce shame and humiliation in someone who is barely making it day to day. It would be a high price for them to pay for a sandwich.Treat others the way we want of be treated. If you are homeless and someone comes over to you and scolds you for smoking, what would that be like? We have to give the way God has given to us - unconditionally.

There but for the grace of God go I.
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I understand. I didn’t really mean to scold them, but to simply talk to them about trying to make better decisions. But I understand what you mean. It wouldn’t benefit the individual in any way.
 
7armyrugrats said:
I was homeless for a period of time. Thank you for your generosity. One thing that I can tell you is that she may not have bought the cigarettes herself. Many people would drop packs off, just like you did the sandwich. I don’t smoke, but I can tell you many of the people I knew who did had no problem getting cigarettes from people. it was frustrating because I had a hard time getting enough food for myself and my son (he was 4 at the time), but no one ever had a problem getting their cigarettes, alcohol, drugs…

Honestly, it is hard for me to blame them for accepting things like that. It provides a relief from their circumstances, a sort of comfort I guess. I never got into the addiction cycle, praise God, and I’m pretty sure that was my saving grace, the reason I made it off the streets and out of shelters. I now have so much more than I ever imagined was possible. I also give back as much as I can when the opportunity presents itself because I know first hand what it was like and what I needed back then. I don’t think it is right to cater to their addictions. But I don’t judge the poor for giving in to their addictions either.
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Thank you for your insight. I’m very happy that you were able to get off the streets. Congratulations!!
 
dje101 said:
Thank you for your insight. I’m very happy that you were able to get off the streets. Congratulations!!
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Thank you. It was a rough point in life, but I learned lessons that I never would have any other way. It’s not something I wish on anyone, I know how lucky I was. I did finally become humbled enough to let my parents know how bad things were and they moved my family home to them (they were in the Southeast, I was out west), and thanks to having a very loving family my husband and I were able to work our way up. Most people on the street and in shelters don’t have that option. This was 16 years ago.

After my parents took us in, my husband and I got married, he adopted my son, we had our second son, and then he got deported. We spent another year fighting with immigration to bring him home to us. He finally got home, found work in a factory, started college classes, and when I was pregnant with our 4th child, 9/11 happened. My husband went the next day and enlisted in the Army Reserves. I asked him why he would do that. I reminded him that just a couple of years before hand we were homeless, then he was deported. I said why do you want to fight for a country that obviously never wanted you here? Well, he explained he never saw it that way. He said the whole time we were on the streets, we always met people who cared enough to make sure our son got to eat. He said when he got deported he deserved it (he was an illegal immigrant at the time), but this country gave him the opportunity to make it right and enter legally. Because of that he got a better job and started college. He said that knowing two of our sons were autistic, if we had to live in his hometown the kids would not be able to attend school or even receive decent medical care. My husband told me that he owes everything he has to this country and he will do whatever it takes to provide for our family. To him, the Army was the perfect way to give back and also provide for his family. He deployed with the reserves in 2004, and stayed active duty ever since. We now own our own home, have 8 beautiful kids, and try very hard to help as many people as possible.

You know, this isn’t that unusual of a story. We have met numerous soldiers with very similar backgrounds. Lots of foster kids, immigrants, single parents, homeless ended up enlisting after 9/11. Now that the Army is downsizing, many are afraid that they will end up back where they came from. The economy cannot support the 30,000+ soldiers that are being chaptered out. As bad as the situation is now, the homeless population is going to explode. It is sad and scary.
 
I also worry about the jobless rate, which will affect the homeless rate. Many who have spent time in the military don’t have any other skills. Or very few other skills. Some of these skills may lead to civilian jobs. Like truck drivers. But how many of those are needed? If there’s 100 jobs, but 250 people who need them, where will the others go? I often find myself feeling helpless when I hear of stuff like this. I wish I could do more. 😦
 
dje101 said:
Hello,

I would love your opinion on this matter.

Over the past few months, I have been making more of a conscious effort to help those in my city that I see that may be in need of some help, specifically the homeless that I see. I have done this through simple things, such as buying them a drink or a sandwich.

On one particular occasion, I met a woman while on my way in to the grocery store. I offered to buy her a sandwich, an offer which she accepted. On my way out of the store, I walk over to give her the sandwich and see that she is smoking a cigarette. I gave her the sandwich and bid her a good day, but I couldn’t help but be very frustrated at the fact that she was smoking cigarettes. My thinking was that, the sandwich that I had bought her didn’t cost any more than $3 (though it was a decent size sandwich), yet she would rather spend her money to buy these packs of cigarettes that could instead be used to purchase food for herself. It angered me to the point that I have not offered to buy her a sandwich since. I’m not rude to her in any way, but I don’t see the point in helping someone who is willfully choosing not to help themselves, but instead spends her money on cigarettes.

What are your thoughts on this?

If you had a similar situation, would you say something to the person about spending their money more wisely? Would you continue to offer to buy them food?
Click to expand...
I understand where you are coming from. But when I was growing up, my mom always helped in anyway to feed the hungry. She taught us that it is not our job to judge why he or she may be homeless, etc. She taught us not to judge. I know many times you will see 20/20 go up to people on exits of the freeway who are holding signs. They will offer them a job and 9 times out of 10 they refuse it. They have said they make more money on the streets then working a minimum wage job. It’s tough to understand addictions unless you have had one or have lived with someone who has had an addiction. I do understand where the conflict lies in your thoughts, but you did a great thing, you gave from your heart. Maybe if you say a prayer for her that she can quit smoking, however, we never know what someone’s life has been until we’ve walked a mile in their shoes. So I think you did something awesome that came from YOUR heart!

Blessings,
Sharon 🙂
 
dje101 said:
Hello,

I would love your opinion on this matter.

Over the past few months, I have been making more of a conscious effort to help those in my city that I see that may be in need of some help, specifically the homeless that I see. I have done this through simple things, such as buying them a drink or a sandwich.

On one particular occasion, I met a woman while on my way in to the grocery store. I offered to buy her a sandwich, an offer which she accepted. On my way out of the store, I walk over to give her the sandwich and see that she is smoking a cigarette. I gave her the sandwich and bid her a good day, but I couldn’t help but be very frustrated at the fact that she was smoking cigarettes. My thinking was that, the sandwich that I had bought her didn’t cost any more than $3 (though it was a decent size sandwich), yet she would rather spend her money to buy these packs of cigarettes that could instead be used to purchase food for herself. It angered me to the point that I have not offered to buy her a sandwich since. I’m not rude to her in any way, but I don’t see the point in helping someone who is willfully choosing not to help themselves, but instead spends her money on cigarettes.

What are your thoughts on this?

If you had a similar situation, would you say something to the person about spending their money more wisely? Would you continue to offer to buy them food?
Click to expand...
If you are going to help someone it should be with no strings or judgment. How do you know she purchased the cigarette, anyway? Perhaps someone gave it to her. And even if this wasn’t the case, it sounds obvious the woman was struggling with getting her basic needs met. How do you know she is willfully not trying to help herself? You don’t know her story, so don’t judge her. Why do people who extend a bit of help to someone feel entitled to analyze the person they help under a microscope? So she was indulging in one thing in like that wasn’t an absolute necessity. Obviously, the cigarette was a poor health choice but it isn’t our place to judge her.
 
It is easy for us to say that poor people shouldn’t smoke, drink, etc., etc… We cannot know the addictions and illnesses, mental and physical, that the poor are struggling with. It is certainly true that moral poverty is a much bigger problem in the US today than physical poverty. Millions of people are products of broken and neglectful homes. Many have had no moral or religious education. Many have only attended very poor quality public schools and are functionally illiterate.

What I am trying to say is that many poor people today need nothing more than a true Christian friend. Think about being a friend and Christian example rather than simply someone handing out a sandwich.
 
Journey322 said:
If you are going to help someone it should be with no strings or judgment. How do you know she purchased the cigarette, anyway? Perhaps someone gave it to her. And even if this wasn’t the case, it sounds obvious the woman was struggling with getting her basic needs met. How do you know she is willfully not trying to help herself? You don’t know her story, so don’t judge her. Why do people who extend a bit of help to someone feel entitled to analyze the person they help under a microscope? So she was indulging in one thing in like that wasn’t an absolute necessity. Obviously, the cigarette was a poor health choice but it isn’t our place to judge her.
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I don’t feel entitled to anything. It was simply an observation of mine when the situation presented itself and I was looking for some advice or insight. I don’t make very much money, but I try to help out when I can. There are people out there that truly need help, and then there are those who are unwilling to help themselves and may just take people for granted. I would rather have my money go to someone that truly needs the help, rather than going to support someone who isn’t willing to help themselves and is taking advantage of people’s generosity. At first glance, this individual seemed to possibly be a part of the latter. Thankfully, there are many wise and charitable people on this forum that have provided very insightful and helpful advice that have helped change my view, and to them I say thank you.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
It is easy for us to say that poor people shouldn’t smoke, drink, etc., etc… We cannot know the addictions and illnesses, mental and physical, that the poor are struggling with. It is certainly true that moral poverty is a much bigger problem in the US today than physical poverty. Millions of people are products of broken and neglectful homes. Many have had no moral or religious education. Many have only attended very poor quality public schools and are functionally illiterate.

What I am trying to say is that many poor people today need nothing more than a true Christian friend. Think about being a friend and Christian example rather than simply someone handing out a sandwich.
Click to expand...
I, like you I’m sure, try to be a good Christian example every day. But I was asking about a very specific type of situation. Sometimes, a sandwich will get them through the day without starving too badly. We need to provide for both spiritual AND physical needs. I only see this lady when I’m working, so most of the time it’s a little difficult for me to sit down with her and have a conversation with her. I do what I can in the given situation and circumstances.
 
From what I know of people in need is that sometimes it IS their own poor choices that have put them in a needy situation.

I can give you a very concrete example that has just happened in my own family. My young niece chose to move in with boyfriend’s mother’s house. The dysfunctional and immoral situation did not work out and they where left homeless. To compound matters my niece took out a school loan and spent a portion of the money on a puppy, $900.00.! Now they show up at grandmothers house, homeless, broke and with a large untrained dog.

What is the charitable thing to do in this situation? I don’t even begin have an answer…
I have tried to talk with them but so far they seem too immature and even possibly a little mentally ill to listen but maybe something I say will help.

It is probably the same for this woman. She may be the cause of her own situation but still I would try to help her. Next time you buy her a sandwich maybe say in a light way " ya know those cigarettes aren’t good for your health" It may open up a conversation about why she smokes and you may learn a little bit about her and how she got to where she is. The homeless need your attention as much as they need you money. Something you say or do may help her too someday.
 
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