When to hold hands for 1st time?

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FanofB16

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Hi,

I’m in late 20s and I have been “going out” with a beautiful Christian lady in her late 20s for over two months now.

We have been out for lunches, for coffees, to the cinema and for a walk by the sea and I have given her perfume and chocolates
  1. We have become de facto boyfriend and girlfriend, but we have never talked about the “relationship”. When should I say something, or do I just leave it for another while?
  2. I need advice on showing affection. The thing is - we have never kissed, hugged or held hands. We have both never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. We were out for a walk there and I thought about either holding her hand or asking her if I could hold her hand, but I was too scared too. Do you have any advice about showing affection?
 
You need to have the DTR talk (Define the Relationship) 😃

Maybe when you are out for a walk, express your feelings for her in a little lovey, dovey way (I’m not sure if you’re ready to drop the actual L-bomb, so you might want to hold off on that). Thngs will proceed naturally from there. If all goes well, take the hand. 🙂

If you are brave, you could take the hand first, and then express your feelings. 👍
 
Just reach out and hold her hand without saying anything. Do it casually sometime like when you’re walking together in public, where it’s no big deal.
 
I agree that you need to talk with her about the relationship. She’s probably waiting for you to make the first move, so to speak, and if you wait too long to at least address the issue, she may decide that you’re not interested. I had a male friend in undergrad with whom I spent a good deal of time. I was interested in him, but he never gave any indication of being interested in me, and I didn’t want to mess up the friendship. Another guy asked me out, and I agreed. It was only then that I found out that my friend had also been interested in me, but as we had spent several months as friends, I was tired of waiting around for someone who was apparently uninterested. :o
 
Next time you are walking with her and you are walking up some steps, off a sidewalk, leaving a restaurant table, etc. say “Here I’ll help you” and offer her your hand. When she gives it to you, just don’t let go! 😉

Yes, you need to have somekind of talk! (you’re no spring chicken for crying out loud! 😛 ) I waited and waited and waited for my future spouse to make ANY kind of move (holding hands, anything!) but it drove me crazy that he didn’t!
I practically had to bonk him on the head!

She may be crazy for you :love: and you don’t know it because you haven’t discussed it.

Chances are that if you have been spending so much time together than she obviously enjoys your company.

She may just be waiting for you to make the first move!

Let us know what happens!
 
My suggestion would be to hold hands or show some other form of affection before you have a serious “relationship” talk. I think it would help you two to be more open and vulnerable to eachother. Right now it sounds like you are both a little bit shy and worried about what the other one is thinking.
 
Good grief guy, hold her hand! And if that seems to go okay, for gosh sakes KISS HER.

I’m remembering the part of the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” where George Bailey is wondering if he should kiss his date…the guy on the porch yell out “go ahead and kiss her, geez, youth is wasted on the young”…makes me smile.
 
:rotfl:

What do you have to lose? If it isn’t going to work, why prolong the inevitable?

But my gut tells me she won’t mind, at least the hand holding!
newf said:
Good grief guy, hold her hand! And if that seems to go okay, for gosh sakes KISS HER.

I’m remembering the part of the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” where George Bailey is wondering if he should kiss his date…the guy on the porch yell out “go ahead and kiss her, geez, youth is wasted on the young”…makes me smile.
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Thanks for all your advice.

I wish I had just gone and her held her hand 🙂

Can anyone recommend a good book about Christian courtship?

Is the Josh Harris “Boy meets girl: Say hello to Christian courtship” book any good?
 
This is very sweet. I think if you ask “may I hold your hand”
she will know the reason you haven’t done it yet.
There seem to be a lot of girls looking for a guy just like you.:o
 
FanofB16 said:
Thanks for all your advice.

I wish I had just gone and her held her hand 🙂

Can anyone recommend a good book about Christian courtship?

Is the Josh Harris “Boy meets girl: Say hello to Christian courtship” book any good?
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Josh Harris is NOT Catholic, and in my opinion his perspective on dating versus courtship is not within Catholic Tradition. He operates sola scriptura, and does not take into account the 21st century, let alone Tradition, or common tradition (with a small t).

Go to the Catholic Answers Pure Love Club and get some of the material by Jason and Crystalina Evert, TG Morrow, Christopher West, or Stephen Wood.

A lot of people confuse Jason Evert with Josh Harris. How, I don’t know, as they are about as different as night and day. I think it’s simply the letter J in each of their first names.

And you’ll know when the right time comes to hold her hand.
 
newf said:
Good grief guy, hold her hand! And if that seems to go okay, for gosh sakes KISS HER.
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^^^ what she said.

And I wouldn’t have the relationship talk either. At least not at this point. It’s usually better to just let things play out than have the awkward discussion where both of you are trying to say things that are very vague in hopes of not ruining a friendship while still having the option of a serious relationship.
 
newf said:
Good grief guy, hold her hand! And if that seems to go okay, for gosh sakes KISS HER.

I’m remembering the part of the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” where George Bailey is wondering if he should kiss his date…the guy on the porch yell out “go ahead and kiss her, geez, youth is wasted on the young”…makes me smile.
Click to expand...
I don’t see any problem in rushing to hold her hand, but I wouldn’t be any any hurry to kiss her. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 8 months now and we plan on having our first kiss on our wedding day. 🙂
 
FanofB16 said:
Hi,

I’m in late 20s and I have been “going out” with a beautiful Christian lady in her late 20s for over two months now.

We have been out for lunches, for coffees, to the cinema and for a walk by the sea and I have given her perfume and chocolates

**Perfume is a fairly “romantic” gift…if she has NO idea you like her I’d be surprised…Hold her hand, its not a big deal! You definitely need to have the “talk”🙂

**1. We have become de facto boyfriend and girlfriend, but we have never talked about the “relationship”. When should I say something, or do I just leave it for another while?
  1. I need advice on showing affection. The thing is - we have never kissed, hugged or held hands. We have both never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. We were out for a walk there and I thought about either holding her hand or asking her if I could hold her hand, but I was too scared too. Do you have any advice about showing affection?
Click to expand...
 
Speaking on behalf of all women anywhere…:love: “Awwwwwwwwwwwww!” :love: Seriously. If I am being called to marriage, I would want a guy just like that! As a woman, I would suggest, just simply and taking her hand and leaving it at that. Just let things happen naturally. If you don’t feel ready to take her hand, then don’t…but you gotta make that move sometime, or she may just think you aren’t interested. I know I sound contradictory to myself, but all I’m saying is don’t rush things too much, but you have to make that move eventually…lol if that makes any sense…Good luck!
 
Denae said:
Speaking on behalf of all women anywhere…:love: “Awwwwwwwwwwwww!” :love: Seriously. If I am being called to marriage, I would want a guy just like that!
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I couldn’t have said it better! Where does one find a man like that?

Honestly, just ask her if you can hold her hand. She’ll probably think it’s the sweetest thing ever, she’ll know you’re respecting her personal space and wanting to show affection - and she’ll likely think that’s so cute and sweet and, as Denae said, “Awwwwwwwwwwwww!”

love
Saoirse
 
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