When to suggest Catholic activities for dates

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RockAndHoops

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Hi everyone, this is my first post and I want to say that I’ve enjoyed reading all your dialogues and advice since these forums began. Now it’s time for me to stop freeloading and contribute!

Do you think it is advisable to start off dating/courting by inviting a girl to Mass, to pray together, or do something else particularly Catholic, or should this wait? Let me give this some perspective: I’m a 22-year-old who has only dated/courted one girl. My parents advised that such religious stuff early on was not a good thing to do, but I find Catholicism to be my number one priority (and something very attractive) for my future spouse so it seems improper to put that on the back burner. Can any of you offer advice, particularly for those who have tried to incorporate Catholicism from the beginning?

RockAndHoops
 
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RockAndHoops:
Hi everyone, this is my first post and I want to say that I’ve enjoyed reading all your dialogues and advice since these forums began. Now it’s time for me to stop freeloading and contribute!

Welcome aboard RockAndHoops!!!

Do you think it is advisable to start off dating/courting by inviting a girl to Mass, to pray together, or do something else particularly Catholic, or should this wait?

I say yes, definitely. Especially since you say that:

I find Catholicism to be my number one priority (and something very attractive) for my future spouse

If you are a big outdoorsy type of person, would you even hesitate asking a woman on a hike or something? What if you are a huge movie fan? Or what if you love museums?

My point is that people date to get to know eachother…likes/dislikes and what is important to them to see if they are compatible.

If you are hesitant to introduce the fact that your faith is a big part of your life are you sending the right message and atracting the right type of woman?

My parents advised that such religious stuff early on was not a good thing to do, Can any of you offer advice, particularly for those who have tried to incorporate Catholicism from the beginning?

Your parents offered advice, now you are free to take it or leave it. Consider their advice and their reasons for giving it, and then weigh that against your own thoughts.

Personally, I think that if you are trying to find a faithful Catholic woman to be your spouse, then asking someone to Mass or other Catholic activity on a first or second date would let you know right away how she views the idea.

Malia
RockAndHoops
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I think it is completely appropriate to incorporate your faith into a beginning relationship. Being Catholic is who you are!!

Maybe do not come on too strong with asking her to participate in confession and mass followed by two hours of bible study and apologetics . . . . 😃 ha ha.

But seriously, it is okay to lay your faith out as the groundwork for a potential marriage/serious relationship - what stronger cornerstone could you have? I guess even if you are only looking for someone to spend time with and not neccessarily long -term. If you have your faith and values involved in your dating process you will probably be better equipped to avoid sin and impure actions/thoughts.

Prayer with her would be a great advantage as well; prayer together will nourish that budding relationship and help give you guidance for what direction your feelings for each other will take.

Good Luck!!
 
I think your parents don’t want you to come on too strong. They don’t want you to frighten her away. They also don’t want her (or you) to get too serious right away. That said, you have to play it by ear with each girl. If they are really Catholic girls, this should not be a big deal.

As I recall, when I was younger (how much younger we won’t say), if a young man accompanied a young woman to Mass on Sunday once, well, that was certainly innocent enough, and a better place for them to be than a lot of others of a Sunday morning. As the relationship blossomed- if it blossomed- and they went to Mass of a Sunday with her family or his family on a somewhat regular basis, things were getting serious. And if the young man and young woman were at any daily Mass together with some regularity, they were practically engaged or discerning an engagement.

As we all know from the movie the Quiet Man, no patty fingers in the holy water!

There is also the rosary walk. It is not reserved for anything but a part of a date. You pick a pretty spot and take a walk. As part of the walk, you say the rosary together. Ask if she feels like it while you are walking. If she does, you lead off. If not, then don’t.

Benediction and coffee and dessert afterwards is also pretty harmless and nice.

It used to be you could make a date for confession and lunch/ supper. This is not always a good idea. Reconciliation has become so personal, and infrequent for a lot of people (NO, you don’t get to go into the confessional with her!). And the odds of you finding confession hours on a Saturday afternoon, instead of confession minutes right before the Saturday vigil Mass, are just too chancey.

If you really like a girl, and there’s one within train or short driving distance (an hour or so), there’s also a day-trip shrine pilgrimage.
 
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RockAndHoops:
Hi everyone, this is my first post and I want to say that I’ve enjoyed reading all your dialogues and advice since these forums began. Now it’s time for me to stop freeloading and contribute!

Do you think it is advisable to start off dating/courting by inviting a girl to Mass, to pray together, or do something else particularly Catholic, or should this wait? Let me give this some perspective: I’m a 22-year-old who has only dated/courted one girl. My parents advised that such religious stuff early on was not a good thing to do, but I find Catholicism to be my number one priority (and something very attractive) for my future spouse so it seems improper to put that on the back burner. Can any of you offer advice, particularly for those who have tried to incorporate Catholicism from the beginning?

RockAndHoops
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I HIGHLY recommend it. My girlfriend and I went to Mass on our first date (we did some other things too, because obviosly, you need time to talk during a first date). They needed someone to bring up the gifts and we ended up getting asked to do it. It was great.

I think especially if you’re looking for a girl with the same priorities as you, doing Catholic stuff is awesome.

Ok, so, depending on how well you already know each other (my gf and I had never even spoken besides a brief introduction), Mass or something like that would be awesome. I would save it for a second date if you need some time to get to know each other because talking at Mass is rude 😛 .
 
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RockAndHoops:
Can any of you offer advice, particularly for those who have tried to incorporate Catholicism from the beginning?
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My second date with my gf was evening Mass at our church (our first I suppose, was when I took her out to get a smoothie, and we sat in the park and chatted…then I dropped her off and her mom gave me a bunch of pamphlets on how to pray the Rosary, soooo, I guess it was religious from the start 😉 ). We’re coming up fast on being together for 1 year. I’d highly recommend it.

Eamon
 
Wow, absolutely! If hubby would have asked me to Mass for our first date it would knocked my socks off. (Ofcourse being he wasn’t Catholic at the time makes that highly unlikely. 🙂 )

I think a solid praying Catholic man is very attractive. It shows a strength in conviction and vulnerabilty in the willingness to submit to a higher authority (not easy for some men.) Ok maybe I’m reading too much into it…

Anyway I see where your parents are concerned about overwelming her but truthfully the kind of woman you’d want to marry would almost certainly be impressed by a devout Catholic man.
 
When my husband and I were dating, we lived some distance apart, so we quickly fell into a pattern of going to Saturday vigil Mass together, then out to dinner and some other activity like a movie.

It was one of the ways I knew he was the right guy.
 
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RockAndHoops:
Hi everyone, this is my first post and I want to say that I’ve enjoyed reading all your dialogues and advice since these forums began. Now it’s time for me to stop freeloading and contribute!

Do you think it is advisable to start off dating/courting by inviting a girl to Mass, to pray together, or do something else particularly Catholic, or should this wait? Let me give this some perspective: I’m a 22-year-old who has only dated/courted one girl.

My parents advised that such religious stuff early on was not a good thing to do, but I find Catholicism to be my number one priority (and something very attractive) for my future spouse so it seems improper to put that on the back burner. Can any of you offer advice, particularly for those who have tried to incorporate Catholicism from the beginning?

RockAndHoops
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Well, if you want to test the waters you could invite her to brunch at a nice place then, tell her you were planning to go to 11:00 Mass and ask her if she’d like to go with you so you could head to the restaurant straight from there.

I see you’re in Texas, there have to be some missions or something that would make a nice outing for the day as well as a spiritual experience.
 
I only wish I had your brains when I was 22. Whatever you decide to do has already come from a true heart. I wish you luck and may you find the woman of your dreams. I did, and may I add, undeservedly (is that a word?).
 
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RockAndHoops:
Hi everyone, this is my first post and I want to say that I’ve enjoyed reading all your dialogues and advice since these forums began. Now it’s time for me to stop freeloading and contribute!

Do you think it is advisable to start off dating/courting by inviting a girl to Mass, to pray together, or do something else particularly Catholic, or should this wait? Let me give this some perspective: I’m a 22-year-old who has only dated/courted one girl. My parents advised that such religious stuff early on was not a good thing to do, but I find Catholicism to be my number one priority (and something very attractive) for my future spouse so it seems improper to put that on the back burner. Can any of you offer advice, particularly for those who have tried to incorporate Catholicism from the beginning?

RockAndHoops
Click to expand...
Only advisable after you get to know the young lady a little, and are sure she would be receptive to the idea, or sure that she is Catholic. If after dating her for awhile you are sure she isn’t interested in Catholocism I would keep looking. I would only START with a Catholic activity if you meet her at a Catholic function. Otherwise, go on a regular date at a regular place. I am devout in my faith and might feel a little turned off if the guy couldn’t think of something to do outside of Mass or a church function. Take your faith outside into the world. Have fun, you can have plenty of good clean fun and be Catholic!
 
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didymus:
Well, if you want to test the waters you could invite her to brunch at a nice place then, tell her you were planning to go to 11:00 Mass and ask her if she’d like to go with you so you could head to the restaurant straight from there.

I see you’re in Texas, there have to be some missions or something that would make a nice outing for the day as well as a spiritual experience.
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Good idea, good approach.
Not too obvious, yet it lets the girl have the opportunity to go. She can also decline without feeling uncomfortable. Dont’ be too frustrated if she declines. Give her another chance if all else goes well.

Also a good idea to go to a historical location that has Catholic ties. fun yet potentially spiritual good ideas
 
My husband wasn’t Catholic when we started dating in highschool, but he was happy to go to Mass with me on Sundays and holidays. We did alot of fun activities outside of Mass, though.
 
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Peace-bwu:
I would only START with a Catholic activity if you meet her at a Catholic function. Otherwise, go on a regular date at a regular place. I am devout in my faith and might feel a little turned off if the guy couldn’t think of something to do outside of Mass or a church function.
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This confuses me a little. Does this apply to anything that is a part of the OP’s life?

What if he was big into hiking…would it be inappropriate to ask her hiking on a first date?

Or what if he adores Thai food and wants to take her to his favorite restaurant? Should he just play it safe and go to McD’s instead?😃

Why would you feel turned off and think that the guy couldn’t think of something to do outside of Mass or Church? Why wouldn’t you assume that you found a guy who is really Catholic?

If something else is a big part of your life and who you are (let’s use hiking again, just to keep things simple, lol) would you be turned off if a man asked you to go out for a beautiful hike on a first date?

I guess I just don’t see how being invited to share in something that is a big part of your life would be a bad move for a first date.

Well, maybe if he is looking for a girl who is not religious but has hopes to convert her…maybe then he should start with dinner and a movie…:bounce:

Malia
 
one of our first dates, my wife and i went to a shooting range. she had such a negative view of police officers and firearms, and to show her what part of my life was, i let her see part of how we train.

needless to say, she saw how much of a skill shooting was, the depth of concentration it took, the breathing patterns, the lack of emotions, the frustration, technique ect.

she was really impressed at how i was able to maintain composure and hit long-range targets, while she got really frustrated at missing 30 feet standups.

point is, we did something that let her discover something about myself, and what makes me, ME. she also did a ride-along in an ambulance with me during one of my paramedic shifts.

i did things exactly like that with her too. get the point?
 
Thanks for all the advice guys (and sorry for being delayed on the forums…I’m moving into my first apartment and I’m working out all those little details that didn’t come up during the walk-through…we also don’t have internet yet, so I have to roll to the university =).

I think it would be best if the Catholic aspect of me came into the forefront soon, because I don’t want to end up leading somebody on (I’m not looking to casually date someone). But, as mentioned by some people, I don’t want to end up being overbearing with it. I guess the toughest part will be finding balance between specifically “religious” activities and those that are just “for fun”.

I’ll catch up with you guys when I can. Thanks and God bless!

RockAndHoops
 
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