When you don't want to get your hopes up by praying

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The subject line says it all.

There is something I really should pray for, but I’ve been so disappointed in the ‘answers’ to my prayers, especially in this particular area, so far, that I’d rather just pull away from my husband and quit caring what he’s doing.

I guess there’s no real question there, is there? Maybe I just need some clearer thoughts than my own, or some encouragement.

Thanks.
 
I’m sorry if you’re struggling with your marriage. Not 100% sure if that’s what you meant, but I’m just guessing…

I think that God’s plan prevails, and often, we don’t feel He is moving ‘swiftly’ enough for us. Often times, I’ve prayed for issues and situations, and the opposite happened. The opposite of what I was praying for! The reality is that it ended up being the best thing for me, actually–so, God’s plan will prevail. I learned a long time ago to simply pray this…

"God, your will, not mine. Whatever your will is, I will follow it. I would like to happen, but it’s Your will that I will follow."

Easy to pray–not so easy to follow, at times. But, if you surrender to Him, He will provide the answer.

There’s an old joke/story I heard recently…and it goes like this… *A man was sitting on top of a roof, as a flood was coming. The waters started creeping up to the rooftop, and suddenly, a large branch went by. The man didn’t grab it. Then, a small canoe came by and people were telling the man to jump aboard, but he still didn’t get on. Finally, a helipcopter flew overhead, but he still resisted to jump on. The man died, and went to Heaven. He asked God…'I was waiting for you to save me Lord…where were you?" God replied, “I sent you a branch, a canoe, and a helicopter…what more did you want?” * LOL

The moral of the story is that God isn’t going to bang us over the head with answers. He whispers to us…through others…through situations. Perhaps, you* have * received an answer, but you don’t like the answer. Perhaps, you haven’t. But, just know that God will give you the answer that HE feels is the best. Your job is to listen intently to that still, small voice.

Good luck–I’m sorry again that you are going through a tough time. 😦
 
If all my prayers had been answered, I doubt I would be joining the Catholic church in six days.

God knows best. 👍
 
I think “whatevergirl” hit the nail on the head.

It is difficult to surrender everything to Him, but it is what we are called to do.

We often get so busy in other ‘stuff’ that we cannot hear God’s whispers to us. God will not shout at us and will not always answer prayer the way we want or when we want.

Be patient, trust in the Lord and LISTEN for His answers in His time.

God Bless You !! You are in my prayers.

Catholic Dad
 
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ktp:
The subject line says it all.

There is something I really should pray for, but I’ve been so disappointed in the ‘answers’ to my prayers, especially in this particular area, so far, that I’d rather just pull away from my husband and quit caring what he’s doing.

I guess there’s no real question there, is there? Maybe I just need some clearer thoughts than my own, or some encouragement.

Thanks.
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Clever thoughts? OK here goes…
  1. Hello God, this is me here again asking for the same thing for the 100th time. I don’t understand your timetable, don’t know your ways and don’t understand why I’m not being listened to? Can’t you hear me, don’t you care, am I not the center of the universe?
OK, thats the clever thought

Useful thoughts are…
  1. Go to mass everyday for nine days followed by the litany of His Mother, a chaplet of Divine Mercy, 20 decades of the rosary and a stations of the cross every day for the next nine days.
    Bet something changes for the better
 
Hi Friend ktp:

You are wrong. Do get your hopes up by praying. For whatever. Just Trust God. Just Trust in Him. He WILL always provide the answers for not only yours, friend, but all of our questions, problems, etc… And KNOW, always He answers our prayers, sometimes with the answer we are looking for, sometimes with the answer we do not want to hear, sometimes with just a “wait” and “count on me”…You must know this today my friend. You have been very gracious in responding to my thread. Now I hope to offer you some hope too. Don’t ever give up on our God. He knows YOU totally, and fully, just like He does me too. HE wants the best for you, and for you to choose the narrow road. Just like all True believers. Please read Holy Scripture passage today as a reminder of just this, in this Sacred Holy WeeK. Matthew 7: 13-14.

I say to you: God is THE only way to choose in life. The only way. We are weak, we all have problems, but we must choose the right way for all our lives. Please friend, read this passage now.

Jesus Loves You and so do I,

Your Friend,
 
Pray in faith. If God grants you the faith to believe that your prayer will be answered, then what you’re asking for is His will too.

If you’re asking for something impossible, He won’t give you the faith to ask it confidently. (I know that’s a bit complicated, but read it carefully: it works).

Jesus didn’t say, “Whatever you ask for in my name, I’ll think about.” He said, “Whatever you ask for in my name, I will give you.” That’s a promise.

But you need to give your prayers hands and feet too. Let God know that you will do *whatever * is necessary to make that prayer a reality. Even if it’s hard. Sometimes, it’s unbelievably hard. (I know, and I managed to do it – praise God).
 
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ktp:
The subject line says it all.
There is something I really should pray for, but I’ve been so disappointed in the ‘answers’ to my prayers, especially in this particular area, so far, that I’d rather just pull away from my husband and quit caring what he’s doing.
I guess there’s no real question there, is there? Maybe I just need some clearer thoughts than my own, or some encouragement.
Thanks.
Click to expand...
Hi ktp:

Do not ever give up your prayer life. For through it, God’s plan is revealed and what you must do, regardless of the cost and how hard it is. Yes, it is hard. Boy do I know. But, we Catholics must stick with it, and fight the good fight, carry our cross to the end, musn’t we? YES! And gather up our strength that sometimes we so desperately need from others, and just “carry on”. This is your time, ( and mine) to do just this. I know, as you have responded to me on my thread, and I thank you. You too, friend, must do the same. You just must trust God in your marriage and your family regardless, even if your heart is broken.

Go to Adoration this week, I am, and all the opportunities to see life anew. I pray the heart and soul of our Lord will sustain you, and He is me. Believe me, it is only He who sustains me. For He is My Strength, My Shield, My Rock, etc. (Psalm something) but for now: read this, and know it: Psalm 30:12: "You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. With my whole being, I sing praises to You. O Lord, my God, forever will I give you thanks."
 
You need to remember too that God gave us free will. If your prayers involve something your husband is doing, then God won’t “stop” him from doing it. The lightening-bolt from the clouds won’t strike him in the bottom. You can ask God to touch his heart, and He will…but it’s still your husbands free choice whether to listen and follow.
 
I understand the original poster… it seems that God doesn’t hear or listen to my prayers either.

But even though he seems distant, I know he is right beside me.
 
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Philena:
I understand the original poster… it seems that God doesn’t hear or listen to my prayers either.

But even though he seems distant, I know he is right beside me.
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“During the difficult times where you only see one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
I , too, am going through a difficult time in my marriage and as JeffAustralia mentioned :
You need to remember too that God gave us free will. If your prayers involve something your husband is doing, then God won’t “stop” him from doing it. The lightening-bolt from the clouds won’t strike him in the bottom. You can ask God to touch his heart, and He will…but it’s still your husbands free choice whether to listen and follow.

I am slowly beginning to accept this. I can only change me, not my husband. And, I can change how I react to him. This is my way of dealing with the situation…for me, for my sanity.
 
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ktp:
The subject line says it all.

There is something I really should pray for, but I’ve been so disappointed in the ‘answers’ to my prayers, especially in this particular area, so far, that I’d rather just pull away from my husband and quit caring what he’s doing.

I guess there’s no real question there, is there? Maybe I just need some clearer thoughts than my own, or some encouragement.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
Prayer is not about getting your hopes up, or calling on God to change things that are your responsibility, or hoping God will change his mind and fall in with your plans. Prayer is about conforming yourself to the will of God and disposing yourself to hear and obey his will. If you have marital problems get pastoral and marital counselling to address the underlying issues and rectify the situation. Just lying there without caring will hardly effect any change.
 
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puzzleannie:
If you have marital problems get pastoral and marital counselling to address the underlying issues and rectify the situation. Just lying there without caring will hardly effect any change.
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We went to Retrouvaille last April…

We are currently in marriage counseling.

So I haven’t been lying there without caring. However, stopping caring will effect a change in me: I won’t be hurt by it anymore. This will reduce the stress level and help everyone. As everyone keeps saying, I can’t change him.
 
Don’t Stop Believing!
by Joyce Meyer

Have you been praying about a situation in your life and found yourself waiting for a breakthrough? Are you wondering why the answer hasn’t come yet? Do you feel as though victory is passing you by?

Sometimes when we pray long and hard about a situation in our life without receiving any answers, we just learn to live with it. We go on about our business, wondering if or when God will send the answer. But God does hear those prayers, and He is working toward the answer even though we may not know all the details. And our situation can change suddenly—quickly …without warning!

But one thing is certain; before God moves suddenly, we will wait. Waiting for answers is a fact of life. Nobody gets out of it. So the question is not if we’ll wait, but rather how we’ll wait. And I believe HOW will determine HOW LONG.

There are two ways to wait—one way is to wait passively and the other is to wait expectantly. A passive person hopes something good will happen, and he’s willing to sit around waiting to see if it does. After a short time, he gives up. He says, “That’s it! I’ve had it! I’ve waited and waited and nothing has happened.” The passive person has a whole lot of wishbone but not much backbone!

The expectant person, on the other hand, is hopeful, aggressive, and purposeful. He believes that his answer is just around the corner—due to arrive any minute. His belief is not a passive thing. His heart is full of hope expecting his problem to be solved at any moment. He wakes up every morning expecting to find his answer. He may wait and wait, but suddenly, what he’s been waiting for happens.

It’s just like when a woman is pregnant—it is said that she is expecting a baby. She carries inside her the promise of a baby, and even though she can’t see it, she knows it’s there. The moment she learns of her pregnancy, she begins to plan for the baby’s arrival. She starts to collect items she’ll need, and she busily gets the nursery ready. She actively prepares for the arrival of the baby because she knows the promise will be fulfilled—it’s just a matter of time. She is expectant, and she will wait as long as it takes.

We know the word “wait” means “to expect” or “to look for.” But remember, it also means, “to serve”—just like a waiter “waits” on your table at a restaurant. Our act of waiting isn’t supposed to be spent sitting around passively hoping something will happen sometime soon.

Once we’ve asked God to answer a question or solve a problem, we need to be eagerly awaiting His answer. We need to be actively serving, aggressive, and expectant. When our hearts are eager to hear from God, He loves to rush in suddenly with His solution. In many cases, this waiting period actually serves as a time of preparation for the answer. If God answered right away, many of us would be ill prepared to handle His solution.

Sometimes we find ourselves in such horrible messes that it’s hard to imagine waiting one more second. But we need to keep waiting on God and trusting Him with a sweet and simple faith. Then, in a way we never could have figured out—God moves suddenly!

In the Bible, Paul and Silas knew about waiting, and they waited well. Acts 16 tells the story of how they were attacked by a crowd, beaten, and thrown in jail. Verse 24 says the jailer …put them into the inner prison (the dungeon) and fastened their feet in the stocks. He was making sure they couldn’t get out. But about midnight, God showed up. Now, it would have been nice if He had come a little earlier, but Paul and Silas didn’t seem to mind—they just decided to start singing and began to worship the Lord. They began to “wait” on God.

Verses 25 & 26 say, But about midnight, as Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns of praise to God, and the [other] prisoners were listening to them, suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the very foundations of the prison were shaken; and at once all the doors were opened and everyone’s shackles were unfastened. God answered them suddenly!

When people patiently and expectantly wait on God in the midst of horrible circumstances, suddenly God breaks through. So don’t give up! Don’t stop believing! Stay full of hope and expectation. God’s power is limitless, and He will break through for you.
 
The Bible told us to pray without ceasing.
Always pray! God always hears and answers our prayers. No prayer is ever wasted. God’s answer could be “yes”, “no”, or “wait”, but there is an answer.

If you have not received your desired answer which you know is good for your family, and is in line with God’s will,
(for example, have your marriage work out or improved), then lift up your faith and keep on praying. At the same time, see what you can do to help the situation, i.e. marriage counseling, marriage encounter, etc.

I am not saying you have marriage problem, just use some examples to express my point. In other words, do all you can,
pray all you can and let go, let God. I think it is true for anything in life, we do our part, give our best shot, and leave the result into
God’s hand. After all, He is in charge, and we want His will be done.

If we don’t pray and don’t pray hard enough, then we are short of doing our part. We can only rest our case after fulfilling our part.

Never give up! God bless!
 
Dear Ktp,
My prayers are going out to your situation. As one who is also suffering in our marriage, I do understand. I have been married for 8 years and pray for my husbands conversion and especially that his anger would leave him and he could forgive his parents for his bad childhood.

I know how it feels to pray and pray and not get the answer you want right away for even a year from the first prayer. But it is true what everyone is saying here, your husband as mind, has free will. WE can’t change them. I did try this at first and realize it was impossible. I just accepted him as is, but things that needed correcting I did do. He changed slowly. He was also in therapy and on medication. This helped also.

He still has excessive anger. I keep on praying. I pray Rosaries and go to daily Mass. I do pray with all my heart and even my daughter who is 7 prays for his anger to go away. We pray hard and yet he is not cured, but he is better. We have to thank God for this improvement.

I know you suffer and are going all you can. You said you went to Retrouville and this is good. I can’t get my husband to go to that. He said it is for troubled marriages, but is in denial that we are a in a troubled marriage. But to be honest, we have been to many marriage counseling and they all tell us the same thing, we can’t work on our marriage until my husband gets the anger under control. Working on our problems is not good now for he responds in anger. Anyway, we really don’t have many problems but the ANGER. That is the problem. He is in counseling himself to learn to control it and it was better there for a while, but recently, he is back to getting angry again. I don’t understand it. He is now going to daily Mass, which is what I have been wanting for a long time. He could not get up early, but now a near by church has a noon Mass. He goes to that one. I am sure this will help. I have also asked him to do a Holy Hour a week and he has yet to do this. In time, I am sure he will and then the Lord will transform him. Keep praying and don’t give up even though you will want to when you argue or whatever is the problem arises again. You will feel hopeless and think that things will never change. Pray and don’t give up. Things will change slowly.

Look at your marriage now and think of when you first were married. Has things changed even a little for the better? Thank God and don’t give up. You do what you need to do for your sanity and spiritual and emotional well being. Go to daily Mass if you can and do a Holy Hour, receiveing Jesus and spending time before him will be your source of comfort, courage and strength. Pray the Rosary daily, Our Blessed Mother will ask Jesus better than we can for your request.
 
Although my husband agreed that we needed counselling, that was as far as he was prepared to go, in other words only agreeing with me, not actually going to counselling, not even to a priest.

In fact, he told me that if I talked about our marital problems to our priest, he considered that a form of infidelity.

I prayed for years and suffered through, even considering separation. He was a good father though so I couldn’t bring myself to do that.

When I eventually talked to my priest and laid out certain details pertaining to our engagement and wedding, he agreed with me that I probably had a reasonable chance of gaining an annulment, but he asked me if I really wanted to take that step.

I persuaded my husband to renew our wedding vows instead. That was a miracle in itself!

Eventually, God revealed to me that I had to change the way I reacted to what my husband said and did. I decided to make Jesus the Number One man in my life and - over time - even learned to serve Christ in my husband.

God gives everyone of us the opportunity for sainthood, a Cross to bear that is particularly shaped just for us. For years I struggled and asked God to take it away. Finally I accepted it and said “Thy Will, not mine be done.”

It didn’t happen overnight, but things did improve as my husband changed in response to my new way of behaving. When he no longer got the results he had come to expect, his way of behaving didn’t work for him anymore and he changed.
 
ktp said:
However, stopping caring will effect a change in me: I won’t be hurt by it anymore. This will reduce the stress level and help everyone. As everyone keeps saying, I can’t change him.
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Do what you need to do out of love. Love the commitment, not love the feeling. Doing something because you committed to doing it doesn’t imply you don’t care. It shows strength of character. (I’m assuming you’re not being abused or in some other dangerous situation) —KCT
 
Thank you for your kind and encouraging answers.

Due to time and still re-reading them, I will stick mainly to saying that someone clued me in that dh’s behavior is typical adult child of alcoholic behavior. I have started going to al-anon, and it is the one thing that ultimately seems to be helping me regain peace of mind. There have been many changes on dh’s part in the last 18 months, but when it comes right down to it, there have been years and years of lies, which means it’ll be a long time, if ever, before I really trust what I’m seeing.
 
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