Where is my beloved?

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Lady_Love

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Where is God? I miss Him. I miss the intimate moments we would share and the expressions of mutual love. I run away from prayer because it feel so empty as though I am talking to a wall. I often wake up with sadness because first thing when I wake up I call to him. My heart longs for the days when we were in love.

When will he delight in me again? Why are you cast down my soul? Why do you groan within me? Why do you go about mourning like the dead long forgotten? Do not cast me away from your presence, Oh God, nor deprive me of your Holy Spirit? Why is there a chasm between us?

You have left me wounded deep in my soul! Why have you abandoned me? Why do you leave me in this world of emptiness? Nothing satisfies me. Why are you so far off? Come back to me my love! I am lifeless without your loving presence. All that used to be easy, energized by the passion of love, is now hard and feels pointless without you. You are my life blood, my reason for wanting to live. Now, I long for death. When will I be able to come home?

You sweep in and raise me up and then I am bowed down. Why don’t you stay with me and flood me with affection as in the days of old? My heart faints within me, I can barely breathe.

You bless me and take care of me and I am grateful but I would rather be with you. Please, come. Please come. I miss you.
 
LAdy Love, God is everywhere. He will find you. I think your post is a step in the right direction. Everyday he’s trying to get closer, and i feel that your heart is open. Then God will come. I know it might not be as simple as that, but God will come into your heart and your life. He isn’t lost and neither are you
 
“I’ve been here all along. Why can’t you hear me? Why can’t you trust and believe in me? I’ve been here all along with open arms, why can’t you see? It’s me that wants you back. I have never left you. Since the moment you were conceived, I was and still am by your side. Feel my presence. Where’s your faith in me that I’m here, my child. Come back to me, I’ve been calling you. I’ve been always faithful. Now, tell me, why can’t you be faithful to me? Here I am.”
 
I recommend to you the book When the Well Runs Dry by Fr. Thomas Green. He writes about what to do and what it means when one’s prayer life seems spiritually dry. It has certainly helped in my own prayer life in those times when it seems as though God is far away. I am going through one of those times right now, and it has helped to make sense of the situation. I wish I could quote the whole book to you, but I will give you this short paraphrase from his book:
Suppose you are in a darkened chapel at night, praying to God, with only a candle or two to give light. Suddenly, someone enters and switches on the lights, and you are momentarily blinded by the flood of light. You had been used to the dark. For that moment, you cannot see, not because there is not enough light, but because there is too much. Sometimes in prayer, we hit a dry spot in our lives were we do not feel God is close to us. But most times it really is the case that the darkness is not because God is so far away, but because He is so close.<<
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The fact that you desire Him is so very important, and something you should not give up on. He is with you!..even if you cannot feel Him. I know how hard it is to pray when that intimacy and closeness seems to fall away. It hardly seems fair. But God does all and knows all for a reason, and when you delight in His presence again, I’m positive you will find Him even closer than before.

Be assured of my prayers. 🙂
 
Perhaps the abandonment/fear/worries/etc. that you are feeling is God asking you to trust in him. Perhaps God is asking for you to reach out to him, to dig deeper into your faith.

I know in my own life when prayer feels empty or it feels like I’m talking to a wall that it is often a challenge from God to reach out to him, to seek him more fully. Sometimes, my prayer suffers because I am letting worldly or material desires to compete or overwhelm my love and trust for God. Sometimes, it is because my sins are clouding my connection with God.

I would suggest perhaps going to confession. 1) Because it never hurts. 2) It will give you a clean slate to work with. I would also suggest praying more. Pray the rosary. Read Scripture. Keep seeking; keep hoping.

I will pray for you. God bless. 🙂
 
Lady_Love said:
Where is God? I miss Him. I miss the intimate moments we would share and the expressions of mutual love. I run away from prayer because it feel so empty as though I am talking to a wall. I often wake up with sadness because first thing when I wake up I call to him. My heart longs for the days when we were in love.

When will he delight in me again? Why are you cast down my soul? Why do you groan within me? Why do you go about mourning like the dead long forgotten? Do not cast me away from your presence, Oh God, nor deprive me of your Holy Spirit? Why is there a chasm between us?

You have left me wounded deep in my soul! Why have you abandoned me? Why do you leave me in this world of emptiness? Nothing satisfies me. Why are you so far off? Come back to me my love! I am lifeless without your loving presence. All that used to be easy, energized by the passion of love, is now hard and feels pointless without you. You are my life blood, my reason for wanting to live. Now, I long for death. When will I be able to come home?

You sweep in and raise me up and then I am bowed down. Why don’t you stay with me and flood me with affection as in the days of old? My heart faints within me, I can barely breathe.

You bless me and take care of me and I am grateful but I would rather be with you. Please, come. Please come. I miss you.
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Maybe God wants you to want Him because of Himself, and not for the consolations He can bring.

A boy was standing on the street corner holding all these diamonds and rubies and emeralds and pearls in his palms. People crowded around the boy, begging for just one small pearl, just one small diamond. But he wouldn’t part with any of his gems to the beggars. Then a man walked by not at all interested in what the boy had to offer, and the boy then ran to him and begged him to take all of his gems.
 
Lady_Love said:
Where is God? I miss Him. I miss the intimate moments we would share and the expressions of mutual love. I run away from prayer because it feel so empty as though I am talking to a wall. I often wake up with sadness because first thing when I wake up I call to him. My heart longs for the days when we were in love.

When will he delight in me again? Why are you cast down my soul? Why do you groan within me? Why do you go about mourning like the dead long forgotten? Do not cast me away from your presence, Oh God, nor deprive me of your Holy Spirit? Why is there a chasm between us?

You have left me wounded deep in my soul! Why have you abandoned me? Why do you leave me in this world of emptiness? Nothing satisfies me. Why are you so far off? Come back to me my love! I am lifeless without your loving presence. All that used to be easy, energized by the passion of love, is now hard and feels pointless without you. You are my life blood, my reason for wanting to live. Now, I long for death. When will I be able to come home?

You sweep in and raise me up and then I am bowed down. Why don’t you stay with me and flood me with affection as in the days of old? My heart faints within me, I can barely breathe.

You bless me and take care of me and I am grateful but I would rather be with you. Please, come. Please come. I miss you.
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I love you, Dearest Sister,

Yes, dearest Sister, that let us took flasks of oil with our lamps, keep our lamps bright wait for our beloved! :angel1:

**Song of songs 2
16 My beloved is mine and I am his;
he pastures his flock among the lilies.
17 Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
or a young stag on the cleft mountains.

Song of songs 3
5 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the wild does:
do not stir up or awaken love
until it is ready!

Song of songs 6
Where has your beloved gone,
O fairest among women?
Which way has your beloved turned,
that we may seek him with you?

2 My beloved has gone down to his garden,
to the beds of spices,
to pasture his flock in the gardens,
and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;
he pastures his flock among the lilies.

Song of songs 8
Homecoming

5 Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
leaning upon her beloved?

Under the apple tree I awakened you.
There your mother was in labour with you;
there she who bore you was in labour.

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm;
for love is strong as death,
passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
a raging flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.

Song of songs 8
14 Make haste, my beloved,
and be like a gazelle
or a young stag
upon the mountains of spices! **

Bless God! Praise the Lord!
I ❤️ You!
 
Lady_Love said:
Where is God? I miss Him. I miss the intimate moments we would share and the expressions of mutual love. I run away from prayer because it feel so empty as though I am talking to a wall. I often wake up with sadness because first thing when I wake up I call to him. My heart longs for the days when we were in love.

When will he delight in me again? Why are you cast down my soul? Why do you groan within me? Why do you go about mourning like the dead long forgotten? Do not cast me away from your presence, Oh God, nor deprive me of your Holy Spirit? Why is there a chasm between us?

You have left me wounded deep in my soul! Why have you abandoned me? Why do you leave me in this world of emptiness? Nothing satisfies me. Why are you so far off? Come back to me my love! I am lifeless without your loving presence. All that used to be easy, energized by the passion of love, is now hard and feels pointless without you. You are my life blood, my reason for wanting to live. Now, I long for death. When will I be able to come home?

You sweep in and raise me up and then I am bowed down. Why don’t you stay with me and flood me with affection as in the days of old? My heart faints within me, I can barely breathe.

You bless me and take care of me and I am grateful but I would rather be with you. Please, come. Please come. I miss you.
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I might suggest attending some RCIA classes? Most should be starting up in a few weeks to a month or so? I have been told from members on my RCIA team when I went through the program last year, that meeting people who are first coming into the faith (who are for the most part on fire about Christ), it invigorates their faith and keeps it a flame. I plan on going back to RCIA again this year to offer any insight I can to new members, but more than anything I want to continue learning about the faith and sharing in the experiences my parish family has had and continues to have with the Lord. Remember, wherever there are two or more gathered, the Lord is there. God Bless 👍
 
To me it seems as though you are experiencing a depression. We are spiritual beings but don’t forget we are also physical and we have sicknesses of all kinds while we are in this life.

God has supplied doctors to heal us so go get a check up and tell the doctor about your feelings of feeling down. There are meds to help. People who are having problems like this pray but we also know God wants us to get help with any and all physical and emotional problems. Look for a good doctor in your town that deals with this.

I prayed to find a good doctor who would help me and I found many of them. You don’t need to suffer alone.
 
@Lady Love
Thank you for sharing your inspired composition with us, truly wonderful…

@ everybody else
I don’t think she is asking a question to us…she is being kind and sharing with us a wonderful spiritual writing about the soul longing for the Beloved.
 
The Spiritual Canticle of St John of the Cross speaks of souls going through this journey.

Bride
  1. Where have you hidden,
    Beloved, and left me moaning?
    You fled like the stag
    after wounding me;
    I went out calling you, but you were gone.
  2. Shepherds, you who go
    up through the sheepfolds to the hill,
    if by chance you see
    him I love most,
    tell him I am sick, I suffer, and I die.
  3. Seeking my Love
    I will head for the mountains and for watersides,
    I will not gather flowers,
    nor fear wild beasts;
    I will go beyond strong men and frontiers.
  4. O woods and thickets,
    planted by the hand of my Beloved!
    O green meadow,
    coated, bright, with flowers,
    tell me, has he passed by you?
  5. Pouring out a thousand graces,
    he passed these groves in haste;
    and having looked at them,
    with his image alone,
    clothed them in beauty.
  6. Ah, who has the power to heal me?
    now wholly surrender yourself!
    Do not send me
    any more messengers,
    they cannot tell me what I must hear.
  7. All who are free
    tell me a thousand graceful things of you;
    all wound me more
    and leave me dying
    of, ah, I-don’t-know-what behind their stammering.
  8. How do you endure
    O life, not living where you live,
    and being brought near death
    by the arrows you receive
    from that which you conceive of your Beloved?
  9. Why, since you wounded
    this heart, don’t you heal it?
    And why, since you stole it from me,
    do you leave it so,
    and fail to carry off what you have stolen?
  10. Extinguish these miseries,
    since no one else can stamp them out;
    and may my eyes behold you,
    because you are their light,
    and I would open them to you alone.
  11. Reveal your presence,
    and may the vision of your beauty be my death;
    for the sickness of love
    is not cured
    except by your very presence and image.
  12. O spring like crystal!
    If only, on your silvered-over faces,
    you would suddenly form
    the eyes I have desired,
    which I bear sketched deep within my heart.
  13. Withdraw them, Beloved,
    I am taking flight!
Bridegroom

Return, dove,
the wounded stag
is in sight on the hill,
cooled by the breeze of your flight.

Bride
  1. My Beloved, the mountains,
    and lonely wooded valleys,
    strange islands,
    and resounding rivers,
    the whistling of love-stirring breezes,
  2. the tranquil night
    at the time of the rising dawn,
    silent music,
    sounding solitude,
    the supper that refreshes, and deepens love.
  3. Catch us the foxes,
    for our vineyard is now in flower,
    while we fashion a cone of roses
    intricate as the pine’s;
    and let no one appear on the hill.
  4. Be still, deadening north wind;
    south wind, come, you that waken love,
    breathe through my garden,
    let its fragrance flow,
    and the Beloved will feed amid the flowers.
  5. You girls of Judea,
    while among flowers and roses
    the amber spreads its perfume,
    stay away, there on the outskirts:
    do not so much as seek to touch our thresholds.
  6. Hide yourself, my love;
    turn your face toward the mountains,
    and do not speak;
    but look at those companions
    going with her through strange islands.
Bridegroom
  1. Swift-winged birds,
    lions, stags, and leaping roes,
    mountains, lowlands, and river banks,
    waters, winds, and ardors,
    watching fears of night:
  2. By the pleasant lyres
    and the siren’s song, I conjure you
    to cease your anger
    and not touch the wall,
    that the bride may sleep in deeper peace.
  3. The bride has entered
    the sweet garden of her desire,
    and she rests in delight,
    laying her neck
    on the gentle arms of her Beloved.
  4. Beneath the apple tree:
    there I took you for my own,
    there I offered you my hand,
    and restored you,
    where your mother was corrupted.
Bride
  1. Our bed is in flower,
    bound round with linking dens of lions,
    hung with purple,
    built up in peace,
    and crowned with a thousand shields of gold.
  2. Following your footprints
    maidens run along the way;
    the touch of a spark,
    the spiced wine,
    cause flowings in them from the balsam of God.
  3. In the inner wine cellar
    I drank of my Beloved, and, when I went abroad
    through all this valley
    I no longer knew anything,
    and lost the herd that I was following.
  4. There he gave me his breast;
    there he taught me a sweet and living knowledge;
    and I gave myself to him,
    keeping nothing back;
    there I promised to be his bride.
  5. Now I occupy my soul
    and all my energy in his service;
    I no longer tend the herd,
    nor have I any other work
    now that my every act is love.
  6. If, then, I am no longer
    seen or found on the common,
    you will say that I am lost;
    that, stricken by love,
    I lost myself, and was found.
  7. With flowers and emeralds
    chosen on cool mornings
    we shall weave garlands
    flowering in your love,
    and bound with one hair of mine.
  8. You considered
    that one hair fluttering at my neck;
    you gazed at it upon my neck
    and it captivated you;
    and one of my eyes wounded you.
  9. When you looked at me
    your eyes imprinted your grace in me;
    for this you loved me ardently;
    and thus my eyes deserved
    to adore what they beheld in you.
  10. Do not despise me;
    for if, before, you found me dark,
    now truly you can look at me
    since you have looked
    and left in me grace and beauty.
Bridegroom
  1. The small white dove
    has returned to the ark with an olive branch;
    and now the turtledove
    has found its longed-for mate
    by the green river banks.
  2. She lived in solitude,
    and now in solitude has built her nest;
    and in solitude he guides her,
    he alone, who also bears
    in solitude the wound of love.
Bride
  1. Let us rejoice, Beloved,
    and let us go forth to behold ourselves in your beauty,
    to the mountain and to the hill,
    to where the pure water flows,
    and further, deep into the thicket.
  2. And then we will go on
    to the high caverns in the rock
    which are so well concealed;
    there we shall enter
    and taste the fresh juice of the pomegranates.
  3. There you will show me
    what my soul has been seeking,
    and then you will give me,
    you, my life, will give me there
    what you gave me on that other day:
  4. the breathing of the air,
    the song of the sweet nightingale,
    the grove and its living beauty
    in the serene night,
    with a flame that is consuming and painless.
  5. No one looked at her,
    nor did Aminadab appear;
    the siege was still;
    and the cavalry,
    at the sight of the waters, descended.
Entire book with St. John’s commentary, on line here;

karmel.at/ics/john/cn.html

Jim
 
Jim,

Thank you. It is as you say. So many lines in that poem reach me.
 
Lady_Love said:
Jim,

Thank you. It is as you say. So many lines in that poem reach me.
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You’re welcome.

Go further and read the commentary St John gives for each section, it’s even deeper than the poem itself.

Jim
 
Check out the book called “Praying through our life traps-a psycho-spiritual path to freedom” by John J. Cecero S.J. … Abandonment is 1 of 18 life traps that all of us experience to some degree. The book covers about 5 traps based on psychology and scripture.
 
Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast. And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it. But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day’s journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him. And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers. And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him: “Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing”. And he said unto them: “How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father’s business?” And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them. And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. (Luke 2,41-51)

Let us think of how many times we have been far from Jesus; from that Jesus, who with so much love has died for us. Let us meditate that in the difficulties of life the only safety is finding Jesus and never again leaving his great love.
 
Some of the Psalms are comforting.

"I lift my eyes to you, to you who have your home in heaven,
eyes like the eyes of slaves, fixed on their master’s hand.

like the eyes of a slave girl, fixed on the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes our fixed on Yaweh our God, for him to take pity on us.

pity us Yahwah, take pity on us, we have had more than our share of scorn,
more than our share of jeers from the complacent, of scorn from the proud."

Psalm 123
 
fred_conty said:
Some of the Psalms are comforting.

"I lift my eyes to you, to you who have your home in heaven,
eyes like the eyes of slaves, fixed on their master’s hand.

like the eyes of a slave girl, fixed on the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes our fixed on Yaweh our God, for him to take pity on us.

pity us Yahwah, take pity on us, we have had more than our share of scorn,
more than our share of jeers from the complacent, of scorn from the proud."

Psalm 123
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Fred, yes!

It’s why learning to pray the Liturgy of the Hours is so spiritually enriching.

Jim
 
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