God bless you. Probably time to pray and leave your life in His hands. I know we think that freedom is choosing our own way forward, but it is really not. Freedom is abandoning ourselves to God’s will and choosing his way. If you let Him, He will show you how much He loves you and following His will is the most freeing and exciting way to live ever. Spend time in prayer with Him even if you dont know what to say or say nothing, if you can go to Adoration. If you just sit and say nothing that’s fine, just be together. Tell Him you want His help and give your life over to Him. I’ll pray for you.