Where to find a husband?

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ozzies_girl

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Our oldest daughter is now 20, and we have 3 more girls down to the age of 2. (One poor brother stuck right in the middle!) We are really in a dilemma over how they will meet their husbands. We live in a very rural area with few Catholics, so they don’t have a lot of fellow Catholic friends. Our oldest really didn’t want to go to college just to find a husband, and we respect that decision. She is our church secretary, so she just meets lots of elderly priests at work! Anyway, how do you know when it is sufficient to pray for such a thing, or when God wants you to get off your duff and be more pro-active? And how do you go about being pro-active when you don’t live in a Catholic rich area? We checked out the Catholic singles web-sites just for fun, but it mostly seemed like people who were a lot older. AND, I realize 20 is still very young, but she doesn’t want to be sitting here at 40 and still wondering if she should have done something more constructive toward finding a mate. OR, are we just totally lacking faith in God in this whole thing? Help! Jeannie in Iowa
 
You know there are more than a few Catholic internet dating sites out there…I would assume that at least one could help your daughter out.

Otherwise, I’m not sure what to tell you…men these days…yikes! I’m a man and I know what my kind can be like. I wish there were buildings that had only good wholesome fellas inside. That would make it so much easier!

:bounce:

I’ll say a prayer for your daughter.
 
I would think that the most important thing would be for her to not compromise. If she is looking for a wonderful Catholic man, then she should wait for one, and not waste her time with anyone who does not meet her standards. (Although I am sure that she is already doing this.) God will honor her faithfulness, and she will be so happy when she finds the one!
 
I’m a guy and I think you start by focusing on finding her male and female friends her own age. Not that a 35 year old can’t marry a 20 year old but usually there are more common interests from people the same age.

If her contacts are all elderly male priests, I personally don’t think that is “healthy”. I bet my bottom dollar her priests would agree and want that for her.

I personally don’t understand the “exclusionary” thinking that is prevalent among my Catholic peers here with regards to dating and marriage. I thought Jesus always mingled with everyone. In fact, it was jewish church law that no one touch lepers at the time. Jesus not only touched them; he healed them.

Think of it this way - she dates a Protestant, it doesn’t work out because of religious differences. The Protestant refers her to a Catholic buddy. They fall in love and meet happily ever after. One of the many possible outcomes. I mean, what is dating, other than very formal mingling? (provided no hanky panky is going on)

Moral of the story: Catholic isolationalism does nobody any good.

Anyway, from friendship, hopefully marriage will result.

Also, there is way more here than we can gather from just the short post. Does she have any wanderlust in her? Does she want to leave the comfort of her very rural home to go out into the world and experience it? Leave the nest so to speak?

You see, here is where I beleive being a “godly” person must meet with being a “worldly” person. I beleive Catholics (I am speaking with very general terms) can become so engrossed with being “godly” that give up any pursuit of being “worldly”, experiencing the rich life and the world that God provided for us. In other words, they give up their life in pursuit of the afterlife.

I think it may be a healthy thing for her to move to a city/suburban setting for awhile. I am not knocking the rural life. I grew up across the street from horses and cows and swinging on a big rope in the barn was “fun.” It is just that 17 years old, I wanted to go away to college and never looked back. My Nissan Sentra skidded in the driveway and off I went. My parents and I were always on good terms but as painful as it was, it comes time for a bird to leave the nest.

Well, just some rambling thoughts. Some, many, or none may apply. Good luck.
 
Well, what does your daughter want? I would ask her (you probably already have) where she might meet that catholic guy she is hoping for. If it doesn’t seem like a possiblity in where she’s now living, you might want to encourage her to move, even for a year, to another town. Perhaps a town near to a strong Catholic college. Those places are swarmin’ with young catholic guys! 🙂

Are their any youth programs in your church? At 20, she’s probably a little older than the programs are geared towards, but perhaps she could help organize a youth outing and chaperone (the outing being perhaps to fellowship with other catholic churches in your region). She might meet some guys through that route, too.

Good luck!
 
ozzies girl:
Our oldest daughter is now 20, and we have 3 more girls down to the age of 2. (One poor brother stuck right in the middle!) We are really in a dilemma over how they will meet their husbands. We live in a very rural area with few Catholics, so they don’t have a lot of fellow Catholic friends. Our oldest really didn’t want to go to college just to find a husband, and we respect that decision. She is our church secretary, so she just meets lots of elderly priests at work! Anyway, how do you know when it is sufficient to pray for such a thing, or when God wants you to get off your duff and be more pro-active? And how do you go about being pro-active when you don’t live in a Catholic rich area? We checked out the Catholic singles web-sites just for fun, but it mostly seemed like people who were a lot older. AND, I realize 20 is still very young, but she doesn’t want to be sitting here at 40 and still wondering if she should have done something more constructive toward finding a mate. OR, are we just totally lacking faith in God in this whole thing? Help! Jeannie in Iowa
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As a faithful Catholic female, I can relate. I am not young… and not married… and was just as frustrated as your daughter. And, I live in a city of millions of people, and still could not meet a faithful Catholic man!

So, I did go to Ave Maria, and found a wonderful, faithful Catholic man who I have been corresponding with for 9 months-- we are currently discerning the possibility of marriage. He had the same problem as your daughter-- rural area. The internet is a wonderful gift, we would have never met without it. Wish it had been available 10 years sooner!!!

I highly recommend Ave, and I do know they have younger people on that site who are faithful and serious about finding a spouse.

www.avemariasingles.com
 
I’m sure you are already doing this, but the most important action for you and your daughter(s) is prayer.

Pray that if one or more of your daughter(s) are called to marriage that God will provide Godly husbands for them.

Pray that if they are called to single life that God will provide wonderful friends and supportive family through which they can be fulfilled (I think of Catholic convert Rosalind Moss).

Pray that if they are called to religious life that Our Lord will guide them where He wants them to be.

Marriage, single life, and religious life are all vocations. Pray to help them discern God’s will for their lives and go from there. Trust in Him and He will provide if you are seeking His Will in your lives! He loves you!
 
Hey there, Jeannie. Been there, done that. 😉 I have a couple of bits of advice for you. First, I am a firm believer in ditching all forms of casual dating altogether. I am a big fan of Joshua Harris’s book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” When I started “courting” my husband, I was certain this was someone I could discern marriage with. We dated five months (had known each other before we dated), we had a nine month engagement and have been blissfully married now for two years.

My husband and I often quote St. Augustine, “Pray, then do as you will.” I can’t see anything wrong with purposefully looking for places for your daughter to look for someone she is interested in. But I would strongly caution her against casual dating.

Last summer we encouraged a friend of ours to look into Saint Raphael’s (now Catholic Singles). By October he had met and corresponded to several women. One rose to the top, (she is wonderful) and they started writing regularly. By December, they were engaged. We just went to their absolutely beautiful wedding this past Sunday. It was truly a miracle to witness.

Finally, I would encourage your daughter to pray to St. Anne. Have you ever heard the following prayer?

“Saint Anne, Saint Anne, find me a good and holy man, quick as you can!” 😃
 
ozzies girl:
And how do you go about being pro-active when you don’t live in a Catholic rich area?
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Does she not plan to attend college? If not, how about give a year or so of service to the Church? In Regnum Christi we have co-workers who are high school grads (and older) who give a year. They receive a summer of formation and can be sent anywhere in the world to work alongside consecrated women. (male co workers work with the priests and brothers) A friend’s daughter did her year in Ireland! I’ve also heard of a group called NET- they travel around the country giving retreats to young people. I bet your daughter would meet lots of people if she found a way to serve-- away from home 🙂 --KCT
 
I found my husband online.

My advice is to not drop your standards or settle for just anyone! I find many times my girlfriends putting up with traits or nuttiness from the guys they date because they are “great guys in all these other areas”. I always try to tell them to decide if this is what they want to deal with for the rest of their lives-- IE dont count on them changing.

Marrying a serious Catholic was on the top of my list but I did date people who were non-catholic with an eye toward whether they would be interested in learning more about the Catholic Church and converting. There are drawbacks ith this strategy – one being that although the future spouse may convert that doesnt mean their family will or that the family will be happy about it.

That being said I found my husband online and he was already looking into RCIA so I didnt even have to do any ‘missionary dating’.
I always think those catholic online dating services look like great tools but I suppose for many people religion isnt exactly on the top of their list when they are still young!

Jesus, look after all those who are called to marriage and guide them to find the person who will be a fitting mate, so they will grow together in holiness and become the people you made them to be. Amen
-K
 
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