Where's the line between humilty and obedience and acquiescence?

[Ora_et_Labora_1]

As a child I thought that to me humble and obedient to my parents meant to do everything they told me and never talk back. In my late teens, as I started more and more to want to make my own decisions in my life, they sarted to opose me fiercely (talking is not one of their strong points). Whenever they understood that my decisions were not in accord with what they thought was best for me they would (and still do, to a certain extent) make a scene, call me an ungrateful child, and make me guilt trip. This kind of attitude cost me my relationship of 5 years with my girlfriend, my following a religious vocation, going to live abroad, etc. I have come to the conclusion that because I submitted to everything they asked of me I never built up the courage to “oppose” them and so they don’t truly respect me (my brother on the other hand, who hardly ever did what they asked of him, they don’t bother). I grow a bit weary of going on in years and living the life others expect me to, and not how I feel it truly should be lived.
I am now 27. Sometimes when they ask me to do things for them, even if I do feel like doing it, I will say no and not do whatever it is they have asked. Am I taking a correct aproach to this? Where exactly does humility and obedience end and acquiescence begin?

 

[1ke]

I suggest you read the Catechism section on the 4th commandment. Especially the section on parents and grown children. It states, among other things:

2217 Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them.

2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.

The relationship your parents have fostered-- where you do whatever they say or they throw a fit and make a scene-- is NOT in keeping with the relationship of grown children and parents in God’s design.

It’s NOT too late for the vocation to religious life, for a vocation to marriage, to live abroad, or whatever it is you heart desires. You are going to have to stand up to your parents and tell them that you are an adult and they no longer make the decisions about how you will live your life.

 

[monicatholic]

i’m amazed how often i, too have posted those CCC quotes on this board. i’m amazed how many catholic parents don’t understand how the relationship should change according to God’s plan.

Ora, what ke says is true. it is NOT too late to pursue the things you mentioned. no more blaming your parents. pray for God’s guidance and go to it. your free will is NOT a commodity to be bargained away. use it according to GOD’S plan. that’s your job.

 

[Ora_et_Labora_1]

i’m amazed how many catholic parents don’t understand how the relationship should change according to God’s plan.

Nominal Catholics (perhaps not even that, since they’re into Spiritism), with no love for the Church.

 

[monicatholic]

Nominal Catholics (perhaps not even that, since they’re into Spiritism), with no love for the Church.

this is very sad. my assertion is no less valid under these circumstances.

your free will is NOT a commodity to be bargained away. use it according to GOD’S plan. that’s your job.

i hope you can learn to exercise the freedom God has given you.

 

[Ora_et_Labora_1]

this is very sad. my assertion is no less valid under these circumstances.

i hope you can learn to exercise the freedom God has given you.

I know. I wasn’t trying to justify myself, only explain the situation. I blame myself for squandering my free will, and it is something that I struggle with every day.

 

[monicatholic]

i’m sorry to have given the impression i was scolding. in fact, i’m encouraging you.

every day is a new day ora. God has infinite power and unimaginable love for you. He can and will help you to use your free will in accord with His will. since the beginning of forever, ora, God has planned for helping you through this.

the beautiful thing is this: you don’t only get one shot at it. every breath we take— ***every moment of NOW is a new chance ***to try and exercise our free will in accordance with God’s Perfect Will. talk about Mercy!