Who do you love more?

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Chrismasfetus

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In a marriage, you love your spouse and your children both, but who do you love more?

In a discussion with someone else, I was told to love your spouse more since children will eventually leave the nest to settle into their own lives independently…

This sounds horrible, but:

If you happened to be in a situation where you had your child hanging off a cliff clinging to your hand and your husband/wife clinging on to the other, which would you let go? The child or spouse? I was told by this person that they would let the child go and save the spouse rather than the child, since the love he/she has for their spouse would be stronger. Such a horrible decision for anybody to make, but what would you do in a situation like that?

In my mind, any parent would sacrifice anything for the good of their children. I easily see my parents sacrificing one of their lives for me and my siblings if any sort of life or death situation came up…
 
There’s more than enough love to go around–there’s never a discussion of who you love more. Love itself doesn’t enter into it.

I remember learning in college something about the Tree and Fruit analogy. Even though the fruit might fall, the tree can bear more fruit. In the example you gave, saving the spouse is supposed to be what’s done. It’s not because of a greater love; love has nothing to do with it. If you were an innocent bystander and could save either the mother or child, it’s not your love that would save one or the other.

Of course, the odds of being in such a situation where such a decision is MANDATORY are almost nonexistent. We are talking extremely rare circumstances.
 
Hmmm…I think loving more is the wrong way to look at it, but I think I get the drift of your question. I was taught that one’s priorities went in this order: God, spouse, children. Has anyone else heard this?
 
I would hope that if my spouse were holding my hand and one of my children’s, that he would let go of me and let me fall to my death. My children are young and haven’t lived their lives. I am also too young to die, but I have seen much more and experienced so much joy.

I can’t imagine choosing my spouse over my child despite the fact I love him very much.

I think the love for a spouse is very different than the love for your children. In that way I don’t think you can compare the two.
 
They are a different love, with different needs, different priorities. I have overwhelming desires to protect my children. My husband doesn’t really need my protection, my love for him is totally different, it’s something we give each other that allows us each to grow and have a full life.

But as the previous posters have said. I won’t put myself in this hypothetical situation. But if my spouse had to decide, I wouldn’t let him. I would simply let go to allow him save the child over me. I think as a momma bear, that is our first instinct.
 
I love, within my human capacity, 100% of my love for all those whom I love: my husband, children, grandchildren, parents, relations, friends, neighbors, fellow parishioners, fellow Christians, strangers, and my enemies. This is the biblical love described in 1 Cor 13, which is loved based on the other, not on my own needs and emotions. I do not love my own grandchild “more” than the child enslaved in the Sudan, aborted in China, or starving in Ethiopia. I may be placed in a position to do more on a practical basis for those closest to me, and be under obligation to do so, but that is not a pre-condition for loving. In my actions, I do what I am capable of doing, which is nil without the grace of God, so I pray for the grace to do what I can for and with all those whom I encounter, out of love for Jesus. My love is perfect only to the extent that I see the face of Jesus in those whom I love.
 
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bapcathluth:
I would hope that if my spouse were holding my hand and one of my children’s, that he would let go of me and let me fall to my death. My children are young and haven’t lived their lives. I am also too young to die, but I have seen much more and experienced so much joy.
I can’t imagine choosing my spouse over my child despite the fact I love him very much.
I think the love for a spouse is very different than the love for your children. In that way I don’t think you can compare the two.
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👍 👍
 
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bapcathluth:
I would hope that if my spouse were holding my hand and one of my children’s, that he would let go of me and let me fall to my death. My children are young and haven’t lived their lives. I am also too young to die, but I have seen much more and experienced so much joy.
I can’t imagine choosing my spouse over my child despite the fact I love him very much.
I think the love for a spouse is very different than the love for your children. In that way I don’t think you can compare the two.
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👍 👍
 
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Chrismasfetus:
If you happened to be in a situation where you had your child hanging off a cliff clinging to your hand and your husband/wife clinging on to the other, which would you let go? The child or spouse?
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Neither, I’d hold on forever and if one fell we’d all fall.
 
I figure, if I’m the guy hanging, I’d let go so my spouse wouldn’t have to make that decision. Either way, remind me to stay away from cliffs.
 
I can’t even let myself go down that road of thoughts and I pray that God will never ask me to make a decision like that. :gopray2:
 
If I was in the cliff situation I don’t think I could consciously choose to let go of someone. I suspect that I might vainly try my best to hold on to both and cause us all to die.
 
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Prometheum_x:
If I was in the cliff situation I don’t think I could consciously choose to let go of someone. I suspect that I might vainly try my best to hold on to both and cause us all to die.
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I think I would do the same or… if i was the one hanging over a cliff I would probably urge my husband to let me go and save my child rather than myself …
 
What a terrible situation to think of, but I know that I could not let go of my child!

I might not let go of my spouse either and pray that a bystander helps us. I am pretty confident that my husband would be doing everything possible to save us and if that meant letting go, then he would and I feel I would do the same to save my child. As parents, it seems we put the child’s life first, but in our relationships on a daily basis, it is important to keep the spousal relationship strong so that the children benefit from having the example of what love is and how to overcome conflicts within marriage. The spouse can’t be ignored on decisions made in the household, but this is different than choosing who lives or dies. It is more a decision of who teaches who what kind of lesson.

So, as for everyday life, the spouses wishes need to be very high priority, but as for protection of life, as parents, we are protective of our children.
 
It seems like comparing apples and oranges to me. My love for my spouse is different than my love for my children. So I can’t say who I love more. However when a couple has a child they are responsible for that child’s wellbeing. So I would see it as my duty to protect my child’s life at all costs, and I am sure wife would too. If I were holding on to her, she would surely demand to be dropped, and I suppose I would do it. If she were hanging on to me, I would just let go of her so she wouldn’t have the burden of making that choice.

Yikes, what a dreary thread!

By the way, I am new on the forums here, so hello to everyone!
 
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amantoan:
It seems like comparing apples and oranges to me. My love for my spouse is different than my love for my children. So I can’t say who I love more. However when a couple has a child they are responsible for that child’s wellbeing. So I would see it as my duty to protect my child’s life at all costs, and I am sure wife would too. If I were holding on to her, she would surely demand to be dropped, and I suppose I would do it. If she were hanging on to me, I would just let go of her so she wouldn’t have the burden of making that choice.

Yikes, what a dreary thread!

By the way, I am new on the forums here, so hello to everyone!
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I agree …different does equate with more or less.

Welcome to the CA forums!
 
I’m sorry, but what a twisted, pointless question…I wouldn’t dream of speculating which family member I loved more or was more worthy of living.:nope:
 
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Chrismasfetus:
In a marriage, you love your spouse and your children both, but who do you love more?

In a discussion with someone else, I was told to love your spouse more since children will eventually leave the nest to settle into their own lives independently…

This sounds horrible, but:

If you happened to be in a situation where you had your child hanging off a cliff clinging to your hand and your husband/wife clinging on to the other, which would you let go? The child or spouse? I was told by this person that they would let the child go and save the spouse rather than the child, since the love he/she has for their spouse would be stronger. Such a horrible decision for anybody to make, but what would you do in a situation like that?

In my mind, any parent would sacrifice anything for the good of their children. I easily see my parents sacrificing one of their lives for me and my siblings if any sort of life or death situation came up…
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I would not have to make the choice in this situation. My husband would sacrifice his own life for his children. He would let go of me if the choice was between him and one of his children.
 
I guess I can’t really look at this from the perspective of a married person, but if it were me hanging off a cliff and my sister, or one of my close friends, I would save them.

Then again, I rock climb pretty well, so hopefully I could kinda get to the side and deal with it that way 😃

And from what I’ve seen, my mom would die for me in a hot second. When my sister was three, she walked over some rail tracks, and didn’t know there was train coming. WHOA NELLY! My mom jumped in front of that train sooo fast and threw her out of the way, and then luckily also got out of the way of the train. Kinda similar

Eamon
 
Island Oak:
I’m sorry, but what a twisted, pointless question…I wouldn’t dream of speculating which family member I loved more or was more worthy of living.:nope:
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It’s actually something I’ve always wondered about. I wouldn’t say it’s twisted and pointless at all.
 
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