Who here has a spiritual director?

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LaughingBoy1503

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Anyone here have one? If so, how did you get one? How long did it take in your looking for one?

Long story short, I am scrupulous and I need one or I am not going to get better. Every bit of advice I have read for The Scrupulous says they need a spiritual director and regular confessor. I tried reaching out to my senior pastor via a email 2 weeks ago for advice on my scrupulosity and I am yet to get a response. I emailed a local religious order too, asking if any of their priests could help me and I have not gotten a answer.

The situation I am in right now sucks (for lack of a better term) if anyone knows anything about scrupulosity, we are always in doubt about something. Whether we committed a sin or not, whether we are in a state of grace or not, whether we are obligated or not obligated to do something or not ect. Well, a priest told me in confession a few weeks ago that to receive communion when we are not sure of the status of a sin IS a mortal sin. But, I am ALWAYS in doubt about something. The Church does not address every single thing that can possibly be a sin in life. We have to make judgments for ourselves sometimes and there is ALWAYS the chance I could be wrong about something. Or do something while being pretty sure it is okay but not 100% sure. It is torture to think about it all. I need help but I cannot get any. I have stopped receiving communion because of this. That pretty much took one of my only joys in life away. My only other real joys in life are my job (sometimes lol) and having a good dinner with a ice cold 32oz of beer everyday. And my cigars. I even fear I am becoming to attached to those things and putting them above God sometimes (even though I know that is not true)

Anyone have any ideas on how I can get a spiritual director?
 
What I did was I went to Confession to different priests and the one I found most helpful I asked to be my regular confessor to help me with my scruples. He agreed and I just went to him thenceforth for help. That parish had only two priests so there wasn’t much choice. This confessor helped me virtually eradicate all scruples.

The advice given to you by that priest, I believe, is not appropriate for one who has a scrupulous conscience. If one has a regular conscience, then it would be appropriate, but for one who constantly sees sin where there is no sin, most if not all of the time their worries are over sinless matters. I can’t guide as a priest, but I would advise to relax your restrictions on approaching the Communion rail.
 
Laughing boy, do you have OCD in general and have you had help for that condition? You can learn techniques and strategies to quiet obsessive thinking in a general way.

Contact your Cathedral office to ask about Catholic counsellors, psychologist and psychiatrists because they can help you with the patterns that are exacerbating your guilt. A couple of years ago I was working for a Catholic counselling agency who had at least one client that suffered severe scrupulosity which had got out of hand. She was hugely helped with counselling and cognitive behavioural techniques.

God bless and a speedy recovery to you.
 
Yes. I’d have to agree with Confiteor Deo that the advice given you was not what you needed to hear.

Can I just say that you are not the first to post this problem. I don’t quite understand all the obsession with guilt, worry of sinning, etc.

I taught catechism for years and did my best to make kids understand what sin is. Now it seems to me like adults don’t really understand what it is. Kids think they never sin, adults think they are always sinning. You can’t be afraid to make a move for fear of sinning. Are you familiar with the grace of God? Do you understand that Jesus died on the cross to save you from the evil one and from eternal damnation?

Do you understand that it is not easy to commit a mortal sin and you would surely know it if you did since you are so concerned with sin. Venial sins can be forgiven just by telling God you are sorry and confessing to Him.

I think the priest was wrong because if you THINK you commited a mortal sin, you probably didn’t! Communion also reinforces you and helps you NOT to sin so you should always receive communion unless you did commit a mortal sin.

I don’t mean to belittle your problem. I just don’t understand all this obsession with sin. It’s like trying not to think of a pink elephant.

May I make a suggestion? Stop thinking about scruples. I do kinow what that is. Start thinking about what Jesus did for you. Read you bible. Read the catechism of the catholic church. Read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis - what a great explanation of our faith! Nothing non-catholic about it. Read Death on a Friday Afternoon by John Neuhause. Read any book by Scott Hahn.

“Study to show yourself approved”. Then you won’t NEED a spiritual advisor for every move you make. Good ones are few and far between. Priests are very busy and cannot spend the proper time for every person who would like an hour with him every month. Plus, they have to get to know you well and that takes time. The advice of the church is to try and get a Brother near your home that would have the time but that may not be possible. Confiteor Deo gave you good avice as to going to different priests for confession to find one you like but he may end up not having the time. How about going to different churches (Mass) to find one. And then will he be able to help someone out of his parish? They have so much to do. Pastors are hard to come by these days which is why I’ve suggested the above.

I’m sorry if I carried on. I wish you could concentrate more on God’s love for you, His grace, His desire to be near you and comfort you. Satan likes to make us miserable and concentrate on how evil we are. Don’t give in to him!

God bless you
Fran
 
frangiuliano115 said:
Yes. I’d have to agree with Confiteor Deo that the advice given you was not what you needed to hear.

Can I just say that you are not the first to post this problem. I don’t quite understand all the obsession with guilt, worry of sinning, etc.

I taught catechism for years and did my best to make kids understand what sin is. Now it seems to me like adults don’t really understand what it is. Kids think they never sin, adults think they are always sinning. You can’t be afraid to make a move for fear of sinning. Are you familiar with the grace of God? Do you understand that Jesus died on the cross to save you from the evil one and from eternal damnation?

Do you understand that it is not easy to commit a mortal sin and you would surely know it if you did since you are so concerned with sin. Venial sins can be forgiven just by telling God you are sorry and confessing to Him.

I think the priest was wrong because if you THINK you commited a mortal sin, you probably didn’t! Communion also reinforces you and helps you NOT to sin so you should always receive communion unless you did commit a mortal sin.

I don’t mean to belittle your problem. I just don’t understand all this obsession with sin. It’s like trying not to think of a pink elephant.

May I make a suggestion? Stop thinking about scruples. I do kinow what that is. Start thinking about what Jesus did for you. Read you bible. Read the catechism of the catholic church. Read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis - what a great explanation of our faith! Nothing non-catholic about it. Read Death on a Friday Afternoon by John Neuhause. Read any book by Scott Hahn.

“Study to show yourself approved”. Then you won’t NEED a spiritual advisor for every move you make. Good ones are few and far between. Priests are very busy and cannot spend the proper time for every person who would like an hour with him every month. Plus, they have to get to know you well and that takes time. The advice of the church is to try and get a Brother near your home that would have the time but that may not be possible. Confiteor Deo gave you good avice as to going to different priests for confession to find one you like but he may end up not having the time. How about going to different churches (Mass) to find one. And then will he be able to help someone out of his parish? They have so much to do. Pastors are hard to come by these days which is why I’ve suggested the above.

I’m sorry if I carried on. I wish you could concentrate more on God’s love for you, His grace, His desire to be near you and comfort you. Satan likes to make us miserable and concentrate on how evil we are. Don’t give in to him!

God bless you
Fran
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Imagine telling someone having a panic attack to just calm down. Imagine telling somebody who is hearing voices to cut it out. Imagine telling someone with OCD that you just don’t get why they get obsessed. That is what it is like when you tell someone with scrupulosity to just not think about their scruples and to concentrate on something else. Believe me, we would if we could.

Yes I understand God is merciful, it is not that I think he is mean. I am not un catechized, I am a convert from Protestantism. Baptized Catholic two years ago. I did SO much research when going through my conversion process. My parish Deacon told me when I was being interviewed when I was in RCIA “You have a better understanding of The Eucharist then half the people who come to this church” If I could think of something else other than my scruples, I would. Perhaps I am ocd. I have never been diagnosed, but apparently I exhibit signs of being ocd. I need to find that out too. One thing at a time though.

I need spiritual direction. I have gone 2 years without it and made progress but that has been halted. It praying more and reading my Bible cured me, believe me, I would be obsessed with prayer and reading my Bible. It does not cure scruples. Following the advice of a spiritual director and or regular confessor is what I am apparently supposed to do.
 
LongingSoul said:
Laughing boy, do you have OCD in general and have you had help for that condition? You can learn techniques and strategies to quiet obsessive thinking in a general way.

Contact your Cathedral office to ask about Catholic counsellors, psychologist and psychiatrists because they can help you with the patterns that are exacerbating your guilt. A couple of years ago I was working for a Catholic counselling agency who had at least one client that suffered severe scrupulosity which had got out of hand. She was hugely helped with counselling and cognitive behavioural techniques.

God bless and a speedy recovery to you.
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I have never been diagnosed with OCD but apparently I exhibit signs of it.
 
So sorry for your struggles. :console:

I can’t give you any suggestions that haven’t already been mentioned (such as contacting the diocesan offices) or that you haven’t already attempted (such as approaching your senior priest and religious orders). However, if your emails go unanswered, you may wish to consider conducting your search by phone or in person instead. With all the email flying around these days, it’s easy for messages to get lost in the shuffle. Even snail mail could get you a faster response, given that postal correspondence has become relatively rare and thus may stand out more for the recipient.

Be persistent. If your contact attempts go unanswered, try again after a week or two. But be patient as well—for example, don’t call/write/email daily. Give the person time to respond.

Unfortunately, it’s true that finding someone to advise you can take a while. Even after you have located someone willing to be your SD, the relationship might ultimately not work and you may thus find yourself having to begin the search all over again. If this occurs, do not despair. I wouldn’t call this common, but it does happen.

How long it will take to find an SD varies greatly. When I abruptly broke ties with my previous spiritual director (long story, not getting into it), it took me a year to find another. After an extensive search during which I met with potential SDs in five dioceses (in two countries) and as far as 150 miles away, a chance face-to-face encounter with a priest I barely knew, on the doorstep of my own parish church, led to a meeting, and from that meeting I knew I had found the SD I’d been looking for. And I consider myself fortunate to have only needed a year. A friend of mine once went eight years without an SD (although that’s probably an exceptionally long search, so don’t panic!)

In the meantime, do what you can. If you have not already done so, find one priest to regularly confess to, let him know that you are scrupulous, and follow his advice. You may not be able to overcome your scrupulosity solely through counsel received during confession, but perhaps this counsel will help you manage it better until you can find an SD to assist you in depth.

Though I’m not scrupulous myself, my spiritual situation is unusual (another long story I’m not elaborating on) and according to five priests and numerous other potential SDs I absolutely should not go without direction for long periods. The year I went without an SD was torture for me, so I perhaps I can empathize with what you are going through anyway. I’ll be praying for you in your search. Take care, and God bless.
 
*Who here has a spiritual director?
Anyone here have one? If so, how did you get one? How long did it take in your looking for one?/I

I have been back into the church a couple months before Pope Francis was elected.
Many people advise us to find a spiritual director and if possible a holy friend.

Pope Francis became my spiritual director for I trusted what he was saying was the TRUTH.
And it greatly helped me. That and I began reading the saints writings, preferring over the newer ( but not always) the saints have so much to teach us. And The Word of God…the Holy Scriptures.

I felt a calling to the Carmelite tradition, not excluding others, but there are sisters and friars, brothers, etc who make themselves available if you check out their websites

Bishop Fulton Sheen has many videos online of his sermons.
and He has written books…one I found in thrift store for 25 cents…Peace Of Soul. its amazing book!
a spiritual director could come to you…Hebrews 13 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

peace be with you!*
 
I have a spiritual director, but I am also an Aspirant in the Diaconate Formation Program and am required to have one. I was encouraged to get one though while I was inquiring and one of the things I was told was not to pick my pastor as he has pastoral duties which might interfere with being a spiritual director. With that knowledge in hand, I just started calling parishes in the area, explained my situation and that I wanted a spiritual director. The first parish I called the priest told me he was being moved shortly, so it would not be fair to me if he became my spiritual director at that time as he might be all the way across town. The second parish I called though the pastor was more than willing to help me and he has been my spiritual director for a little over a year now.

Granted, your situation and my situation are different, but I wanted to answer your question on what I did.

My prayers are with you,

John
 
My heart goes out to you, LaughingBoy. I will pray for you and your struggles. God has a plan for you and someone will come into your life to help you, I just know it.

I know this sounds ignorant, but as a new convert (two years) this is the first time I have heard this term “Spiritual Director”. I won’t waste time here, but I plan to look up the role of this person and the relationship with the parishioner. Thanks for bringing this to my attention! God Bless you.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Imagine telling someone having a panic attack to just calm down. Imagine telling somebody who is hearing voices to cut it out. Imagine telling someone with OCD that you just don’t get why they get obsessed. That is what it is like when you tell someone with scrupulosity to just not think about their scruples and to concentrate on something else. Believe me, we would if we could.

Yes I understand God is merciful, it is not that I think he is mean. I am not un catechized, I am a convert from Protestantism. Baptized Catholic two years ago. I did SO much research when going through my conversion process. My parish Deacon told me when I was being interviewed when I was in RCIA “You have a better understanding of The Eucharist then half the people who come to this church” If I could think of something else other than my scruples, I would. Perhaps I am ocd. I have never been diagnosed, but apparently I exhibit signs of being ocd. I need to find that out too. One thing at a time though.

I need spiritual direction. I have gone 2 years without it and made progress but that has been halted. It praying more and reading my Bible cured me, believe me, I would be obsessed with prayer and reading my Bible. It does not cure scruples. Following the advice of a spiritual director and or regular confessor is what I am apparently supposed to do.
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I apologize if I don’t seem sensitive to your problem. I said in my original post that I did not mean to belittle your problem.

I’m familiar with depression. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, they say. But there ARE NO bootstraps! I know very well what you’re talking about.

This is a very personal problem and I will not venture too far. I’d say that maybe the diagnosis for OCD should come first? Because that can affect everything - even your faith. Your parish Deacon was correct in telling you that you know more about the Eucharist than half the people in church. I’d say it’s more than half. I did not intend by suggesting those books that you don’t know your religion. I’ve been studying for 40 years and I just recently read those books and found them to be just beautiful.

I know that depression could affect your faith so I know that OCD could do the same, as apparently it is doing to you. Being that you were protestant before, I hope you can understand my feeling that maybe you could depend more on your relationship with Jesus? I know a spiritual director and he always leads people to know Christ better. He also gives specific advice and will say if something is a sin DEPENDING on the person - we are all different and at different levels of maturity so that what is a sin to one may not be to another. Unfortunately, I’m 100% sure I live very far away from you.

How about if you could talk again with the Deacon of your parish? Might he not have a suggestion for you? They’re usually very helpful and do the best they can. Also, I would tend not to send emails. Make an appointment with the priest you wish to speak to. If you tell him it’s for confession, he really cannot turn you down. Mass and confession are their prime pastoral responsibilities.

Just one last thing. I know that if one has OCD he might lock the door 5 times. However, he KNOWS after the first time that the door is locked but his compulsion makes him “lock” it again.

So in this same way, you might always be thinking of sin, but you can KNOW that you didn’t sin. You can KNOW that you’re in a state of grace. Is this simplistic of me?? If so, I’m sorry. I do think that it’s necessary not to think of sin all the time. So I pray that you find a way to be able to do this. I think Longing Soul has given you excellent advice.

My prayers are with you
Fran
 
Just to clarify. The person I know (a Brother AND priest) is not my spiritual advisor but he’s good at this, I guess, because a couple of my friends go to him at least once a month for at least an hour or so. They drive 45 minutes.

Keep looking!
Fran
 
KD8TZC said:
John
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I’m sorry, but is that Italian in your signature line?
Do you mean:
Prima i fatti, poi i commenti
??
Good luck in your studies; we need more priests AND deacons!
God bless you
Fran
 
frangiuliano115 said:
I apologize if I don’t seem sensitive to your problem. I said in my original post that I did not mean to belittle your problem.

I’m familiar with depression. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, they say. But there ARE NO bootstraps! I know very well what you’re talking about.

This is a very personal problem and I will not venture too far. I’d say that maybe the diagnosis for OCD should come first? Because that can affect everything - even your faith. Your parish Deacon was correct in telling you that you know more about the Eucharist than half the people in church. I’d say it’s more than half. I did not intend by suggesting those books that you don’t know your religion. I’ve been studying for 40 years and I just recently read those books and found them to be just beautiful.

I know that depression could affect your faith so I know that OCD could do the same, as apparently it is doing to you. Being that you were protestant before, I hope you can understand my feeling that maybe you could depend more on your relationship with Jesus? I know a spiritual director and he always leads people to know Christ better. He also gives specific advice and will say if something is a sin DEPENDING on the person - we are all different and at different levels of maturity so that what is a sin to one may not be to another. Unfortunately, I’m 100% sure I live very far away from you.

How about if you could talk again with the Deacon of your parish? Might he not have a suggestion for you? They’re usually very helpful and do the best they can. Also, I would tend not to send emails. Make an appointment with the priest you wish to speak to. If you tell him it’s for confession, he really cannot turn you down. Mass and confession are their prime pastoral responsibilities.

Just one last thing. I know that if one has OCD he might lock the door 5 times. However, he KNOWS after the first time that the door is locked but his compulsion makes him “lock” it again.

So in this same way, you might always be thinking of sin, but you can KNOW that you didn’t sin. You can KNOW that you’re in a state of grace. Is this simplistic of me?? If so, I’m sorry. I do think that it’s necessary not to think of sin all the time. So I pray that you find a way to be able to do this. I think Longing Soul has given you excellent advice.

My prayers are with you
Fran
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Well, I do not lock anything 5 times but I do have a compulsion to check locks even when I know that I have locked something. My gym locker, my truck door. Never the house lock for some reason though… I also have this thing I do where I check and re-check my alarm clock. And I have two of them. I do have to do it until it feels right, which can take only a few times or even maybe 20 times lol. At least it does not take up a lot of time. Maybe half a minuet at the most. I know those are probably signs of OCD. But don’t some normal people do similar things sometimes? I keep thinking maybe those are just quirks, not necessarily OCD. I don’t know… I just know that I seem to obsess over things when other people can more easily dismiss them.

I have read several of Scott Hahn’s books. I know his conversion story. He is a brilliant man. I love how he is so smart yet he can write simple enough that a non-theologian like me can understand everything he is writing.

Thank you for your prayers.
 
Been searching for years. None yet. I found this advice helpful (link below), at least steering in the right and positive direction. Did find someone discerning a vocation with inside info on what may be some available priests at a retreat center. Next week trying an FSSP parish 3/hours away. Good luck, I know what you mean. Been reading about different saints, going to try Thomas Merton books next. The dead still have a voice.

spiritualdirection.com/spiritual-direction
 
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