Who should I be friends with?

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From an Objective and Christian comment; what type of people can I be friends with.

I struggle massively to make any friends or whatever (mainly due to poor social skills) and I do often feel put off making friends with some1 because they have views or live in an unchristian way.

Do you think it is right to make friends with people who have views or live in an unchristian way? — you might need to know that there are very few young people at our church, very few my age (17)
 
St_Gregory said:
From an Objective and Christian comment; what type of people can I be friends with.

I struggle massively to make any friends or whatever (mainly due to poor social skills) and I do often feel put off making friends with some1 because they have views or live in an unchristian way.

Do you think it is right to make friends with people who have views or live in an unchristian way? — you might need to know that there are very few young people at our church, very few my age (17)
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Well, there are passages that warn us to keep aware from evil people. However, just because someone isn’t a Christian doesn’t mean they are evil. Let’s not forget, too, that Jesus kept company with people who weren’t Christian. He preached to them the truth.

Christians should befriend non-Christians and try and teach and help them, but we shouldn’t let them comprise our belief system. In other words, don’t let them corrupt you. Try and help them.

EDIT: And what’s unfortunate for you in your quest to find people who might not corrupt you is your age. I was 17 not so long ago, and religion wasn’t a big part of my life, nor was it a part of my friends’ lives. In fact, we made fun of the very few religious kids. Why? We were young and dumb. So, if you go about preaching the Bible and calling everyone a sinner, don’t expect to be well-received. Find people you think you have something in common with, say, music, and go from there.
 
Hi Saint Gregory,
I think you should befriend those who treat you with love and respect. 🙂
When you say they are ‘unchristian’ do you mean to say that they behave in ways which christ would admonish or is it that they are not following a specific faith?
I wouldn’t go running with a crowd that will get you into trouble, but they don’t need to be at the same place on their faith journey to be your friend. That being said, if they bring up points which confuse you, or which you hadn’t considered before about your faith, before accepting it as fact, do some homework on the point. Catholicism is 2000 years old - I assure you there isn’t a question that has NOT been asked of it before.
All that being said, don’t worry if you don’t have many friends. For many people I know (my husband included) life didn’t really start until after high school. 🙂
 
St_Gregory said:
From an Objective and Christian comment; what type of people can I be friends with.

I struggle massively to make any friends or whatever (mainly due to poor social skills) and I do often feel put off making friends with some1 because they have views or live in an unchristian way.

Do you think it is right to make friends with people who have views or live in an unchristian way? — you might need to know that there are very few young people at our church, very few my age (17)
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You want Jesus first and foremost as your friend 😉 (you already knew that though…👍 )

I cannot speak from experience because when I was 17 all I cared about was being cool and attracting the opposite sex.

However, if I could go back and do it again… And judging from my daughter’s experiences…

Holiness doesn’t mix very well with the world. I do understand your predicament. It’s hard to know what to do when b/c of your faithfulness to God, you don’t fit in, yet you still long for some earthly, tangible relationship.

First of all, pray for a good Christian friendship. Stay close to those you trust who are faithful/faithfilled. And stay close to the Sacraments. This way, you will be stronger to resist forming close friendships with those who might lead you to sin.

A good friend will be a spiritual friend too, and you will help one another grow in faith and holiness. It’s okay to mingle and be “friendly” with other people - in fact, its necessary to our witness for Christ, but these are not close friendships (or perhaps, shouldn’t be close friendships anyway). Rather, they are more of acquaintences. If your heart is really set on God, you won’t find intimacy with ungodly people fulfilling (unless you yourself are weak - hence my advice to stay close to faithfilled people and the church). You will probably rather find those “friends” to be temptations for you or find that you can’t really be yourself around them (which is a temptation for you to try to “fit in” in ungodly circumstances, which can also lead to sin…). Instead, seek to be charitable and loving toward such people which will be your witness to Christ, but don’t become too “familiar” (friendly) with them in a more intimate way (spending long periods of time with them, or time secluded with them, etc…). Some planned activity with them, something constructive to do with them, of just a friendly conversation is okay. Hanging around the house together, in the parking lot for long periods, just hanging out without a real constructive activity planned is probably not a good idea.

I really feel for you. I’ve had this problem myself for many years. I’ve been very much alone. Since my conversion even my family are somewhat distant as I don’t really fit in with them anymore. I have since found a religious community with which I am comfortable, and along the way I’ve made 2 or 3 close friends who share my love for God, but it took a lot of prayer and trial and error with my former friends to get to this point.

Don’t be afraid though, and never stop praying. God is faithful. He will provide you with everything you need.

This is from The Imitation of Christ by Thomas A Kempis:

(cont…)
 
Chapter 7
The Love of Jesus Above All Things"

Blessed is he who knows what it is to love Jesus and to despise himself for the sake of Jesus.
We must quit what we love for this Beloved, because Jesus will be loved alone above all things.
The love of things created is deceitfula dn inconstant.
The love of Jesus is faithful and enduring.
He that cleaveth to creatures shall fall with them.
He that embraceth Jesus shall stand firm forever.
Love Him and keep Him for thy friend, who, when all go away, will not leave thee nor suffer thee to perish in the end.
Thou must at last be separat4ed from all things else, whether thou wilt or not.
Keep thyself with Jesus both in life and death and commit thyself to His care, who alone can help thee when all others fail.
Thy Beloved is of such a nature that He will admit of no other, but will have thy heart to Himself, and sit there like a king upon his own throne.
If thou couldst but purge thyself well from affection to creatures, Jesus would willingly dwell with thee.
Thou wilt find all that in a manner lost, which thou hast placed in men apart from Jesus.
Do not trust or rely upon a frail reed; “for all flesh is grass and all the glory thereof shall fade as the flower of the field.”
Thou wilt soon be deceived if thou only regard the outward show of men.
For if thou seek thy comfort and thy gain in others, thou wilt often meet with loss.
If in all things thou seek Jesus doubtless thou wilt find Jesus.
But if thou seek thyself thou wilt indeed find thyself, to thine own ruin.
For a man does himself more harm if he seek not Jesus, than the whole world and all his enemies could do.

(sorry for any typos)

I found this a comfort when I was alone. We really must seek God above all things. Good friendships will help one another grow closer to the Lord. Please remember that.

St. Therese of Liseiux (the “Little Flower”) loved the “Imitation of Christ” and memorized much of it as a teenager. If you don’t have a copy, I recommend one. It is choc-full of advice on the spiritual life. Much good, practical advice. And if you haven’t read St. Therese’s book “Story of a Soul”, please do. She will inspire you 👍

Bless You!
 
…Oh, and I wanted to add a “ditto” to the other posters. A good friend need not necessarily be of the same faith. I have good friendships with a few people of other faiths, and even one without a devotion to any particular faith. But they are virtuous people - people I feel I grow from my relationships with. All of them have a heart for God, even if they don’t know it; they all love good things and seek for what is good and right; charitable and humble… In drawing close to people like that you are drawn closer to Goodness, Charity, Humility, Virtue (etc.) Himself (God)😃
 
Yeah; again thanks loads for your reply.

Admittedly its awkward moreso when I do not really believe Christianity to be true: I’m a practicing Catholic (except I can’t Recieve obviously) and do believe in a Abrahamic idea of God — but that’s it really for sure.
 
St_Gregory said:
Yeah; again thanks loads for your reply.

Admittedly its awkward moreso when I do not really believe Christianity to be true: I’m a practicing Catholic (except I can’t Recieve obviously) and do believe in a Abrahamic idea of God — but that’s it really for sure.
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Oh, I see, oops. I assumed you were Christian, but I understand what you mean. Regardless, you are a practicing Catholic (and asking your question on a Catholic forum).

You’re young and faith is a life-long journey. It’s important to learn about our faith and keep seeking truth, but on the more “practical” side, it’s all about the “shoe leather”. Regardless of where we are in our faith we need to seek the highest good. Not feeling grounded in a particular religion should not prevent us from staying close to God and trying to live a life of holiness. I myself do not have perfect faith (who does?) - I’m just now returning to my Catholicity myself - but in the midst of all my seeking I knew my first priority is to live for God above all things. And so you ought to be commended for seeking godly people to befriend.

Btw, that Imitation of Christ is the most widely-read spiritual book of all time, next to the Bible. It was written by a monk in the 1400s, but his book is read by non-Catholics and Catholics alike. St. Therese is widely read too - not just by Catholics 😉
 
St_Gregory said:
From an Objective and Christian comment; what type of people can I be friends with.

I struggle massively to make any friends or whatever (mainly due to poor social skills) and I do often feel put off making friends with some1 because they have views or live in an unchristian way.

Do you think it is right to make friends with people who have views or live in an unchristian way? — you might need to know that there are very few young people at our church, very few my age (17)
Click to expand...
Make friends to whoever respects your views, and, in turn, respect theirs–whether you agree with them or not.

I’m seventeen too, and it’s slightly hard for me to make friends simply because I am a Goth… probably the only one at my school. But, that is my choice, and I’m fine with that. Obviously, you are not, so it wouldn’t be fair to others or yourself if you set standards sky-high.

Just loosen up… or get a job. I’m actually considering that.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
 
Also, friends don’t have to be your age, either. When I was your age, I had only a couple of friends that were the same age as me. The rest were a few years older. Maybe there are some other older young-adults at your church that you could start talking to and trying to develop friendships with. If you have the time, volunteering is also a great way to meet others and start developing friendships with. If you go to a school with an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Atheletes… although if you’re not an athelete, don’t worry, as I wasn’t and was in my FCA in high school) join that or other Christian student organizations.

I will be praying for you, and God Bless!
Ericka
 
Make friends with people who will not lead you into sin

Now this doesn’t mean to be unkind to those who are not trying to live a Christian life, but you will have more in common with people who are trying to get to heaven
 
Blade_and_Blood said:
Make friends to whoever respects your views, and, in turn, respect theirs–whether you agree with them or not.
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Is it necessary to respect views that are outright evil?

What about the view that abortion is mere ‘choice?’ Or that it’s fine for ten-year-olds to engage in premarital sex? Or that it’s fine to steal, take illegal drugs, lie, cheat?

Is it fine to respect those views?
 
Hopefully this thread which I started, which explore a similar topic, which help:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=302226

In sum, though, choose your closest friends wisely – but maintaining friends with those who are vulgar, profane, drunkards, etc. are fine and acceptable so long as you are able to draw the distinction between sin and sinning. I wouldn’t want my best friend to be someone who goes to strip clubs every weekend, for instance, with a complete disregard of God and morality, then I re-examine my friendships; however, if my best friend is struggling with the sin of pornography and masturbation but is earnestly seeking God in his life, then I might have to make some allowances in whom I befriend. All of this comes with certain caveats, of course, and the biggest caveat is simply “Know yourself.”
 
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