Why are there so many mean-spirited people on these forums?

[edwest2]

Some of the people who post are non-Christians who come here to mock Christians.

God bless,
Ed

 

[Teelynn]

Sometimes people use smilies to indicate that they are jesting. I have been told I was uncharitable and when I explained what I meant to the poster who was offended, he admitted he had taken it the wrong way. Don’t forget, we do not know one another, we cannot see the jestures one is making, the way one is sitting, speaking, etc. It is very difficult to tell if someone is being ugle or cute. Some folks have no sense of humor and take many things personally that were not intended to be so. JMHO.

You have a very good point. There is also going to be a problem when posting as to say for instance: tone of voice, body language, etc. that is not available in a post. I think maybe because of this, it is wise to use extra care.

 

[Jeanette_L]

St Paul tells not to argue over points of dogma or doctrine (I’m paraphrasing, more or less). Besides people become defensive when someone is forceful in their beliefs, whether it is religion, job, politics, etc. We do more with prayer and allowing Jesus and the Holy Spirit to lead people to the truth.

A lot of people wouldn’t have much to talk about around here if they followed that advice!

I agree with St. Paul (I’m sure St. Paul is relieved to hear that!). When I first converted to the Catholic faith last year, I allowed myself to become engaged in a lot of arguments with family who were furious with me.

But soon I realized that I needed to be calm and refuse to engage in that behavior. If they wanted to say their piece, fine, but I wasnt’ going to get into. And now it has stopped.

They still don’t approve and on occasion they like to try to pursuade me about this doctrine or that, but I just remain silent and the topic goes away. It’s the best way to deal with combative people. It takes away their power. JMHO

 

[jules11]

I am coming into this one very late and the title caught my eye. I had been thinking this lately, but not so much mean spirited as there are posters who love to play the devils advocate or just tell people off.
I am thinking of one in paticular that on three different occasions (that I can recall) on personal and emotionally charged issues, decided to give the OP a ‘condescending’ telling off. The poster was not really even involved in the threads, just said this one ‘unkind’ thing then opted out. Rather uncharitable, I thought.
Still bothers me now, but I guess there is no point in saying anything weeks later…

 

[goofyjim]

There are bound to be mean spirited people on both sides of every issue. Don’t any of you deny that now.

 

[anamchara]

St Paul tells not to argue over points of dogma or doctrine (I’m paraphrasing, more or less). Besides people become defensive when someone is forceful in their beliefs, whether it is religion, job, politics, etc. We do more with prayer and allowing Jesus and the Holy Spirit to lead people to the truth.

Beautifully said Robert

 

[robertaf]

I belong to a number of religious forums.

People can post whatever, however they like. I am all for sharing of different opinions. Some forums do tend toward getting personal, as in discussing people rather than ideas. And yes, I do find that people tend to use eye roll and head banging smilies in a less than charitable way.

That is their option. And it is my option to not like it. But since the OP asked why there are mean spirited posters here, my opinion is that it is because they are tolerated.

I’ve never told anyone here to “zip it”, or that their post was unwelcome. A few times, I have reported unreasonably mean or inappropriate posts. I think that is being a good neighbor.

Generally, these forums do tend to get more personal than most I participate in. That is my experience. There are some posters who use charitable words, but add an uncharitable tone with certain smilies. They are welcome to do so, but that doesn’t mean others will like it.

Not all smilies are uncharitable, and adding them does not automatically imply sarcasm.

I don’t ask people here to post only in ways that make me feel “special”, do what you like. I’m a grown up, if I don’t like the forums, I know how to navigate to gentler waters. but the topic here is “mean posters”, so that’s what I’m discussing. If it doesn’t apply to you, don’t worry about it.

cheddar

I post, most often in General Theology in Christian Forums. That use to be one that harbored many rude posters but in the last few months, because some of us chose not to participate and opened open and friendly threads, the others have become kinder and more respectful.

The truth is, that we usually do tolerate bad manners.

 

[crenfro]

I really like your question.

I especially like the questions and statements that might be behind your asking this question.

Am sorry you ran into so many “mean-spirited” questions here and hope you find more charitable ones soon.

Do you have any theories of your own why there’s a condescending attitude in some of the posts here?

Any ideas of what can be done to lessen these condescending attitudes?

Am certainly glad there are moderators here!

 

[distracted]

II especially like the questions and statements that might be behind your asking this question.

What is behind the question is that i have experienced exceptionally rude responses to some of the things i have said. True, maybe the responder thought that i was being “Rude” when i had no intention of being so… it’s hard to know the intention of the person writing a post… But that’s the whole point - if you don’t know, why assume the person is mean-spirited? And i am speaking to myself here too. I mean, maybe i have assumed someone was hostile when he/she didn’t mean to be. Yet, i would say that there was only a doubt in my mind as to intention… maybe 20% of the time (20% of the “mean-spirited responses”). The other 80%, there was NO question in my mind that the person virtually meant to be rude or out of line…
The reason i asked the question is be because this is a Catholic forum. Maybe i should not have ASSUMed that most people here are Christians of any “sort”… That’s where i made my mistake, i suppose. Anyway, even if one is not Christian, i just don’t understand the need to make jabs at people… i hereby appologize if any post of mine has sounded mean…

Am sorry you ran into so many “mean-spirited” questions

Thanks… I just stay away from those Posters…

Do you have any theories of your own why there’s a condescending attitude in some of the posts here?

I think some people just don’t have much of an outlet for their anger - anger at spouse, anger at whatever, anger @ life in general…
Everyone has anger (@ least everyone beyond the age of 20??)… To not get the anger out in a healthy way is, well, not healthy… but i don’t feel that taking it out on strangers in this forum is called for, much less is it “right” or “Christian”…
You ask if i have any “ideas”? Well, i think people should read and re-read their own posts before posting them… and also: put themselves in the other person’s shoes as they so… Then they will know what they sound like…
Thanks for asking. God bless.

 

[distracted]

Sometimes all it takes is close the mouth, fold the typing hands and let the head knowledge sink down about a foot or so until it lands in the heart.

Amen!

 

[distracted]

This is a public form. Are you suggesting that people submit to a psychological test before becoming members?

Hmmm… That’s an interesting idea…

 

[distracted]

Sometimes, it seems that some people might appear to be “snotty” as OP has said when in fact they are just being emphatic due to possibly a highly charged emotional issue…or a controversial one or both.

I’m afraid i don’t get what you mean here… could you explain?

It takes, I believe a certain talent to articulate a strong feeling without appearing confrontational or self righteous. At times, I know, I have to work to say things that get my point across yet not get any one’s feathers ruffled. It’s something that I am always aware of when posting. On the other hand there ARE posters who just let it all hang out without any thoughts of how they will be perceived. Or I guess without caring much.

That last line is so true… But i am glad you try to think before “speaking”. why that seems to be so hard for some people is kind of beyond me, especially people who claim to be Christian. I mean, if Jesus taught anything, it was to “love others as i have loved you.”
I know that is also the hardest thing he ever commanded us to do… I mean, love is even kind of difficult to define… especially love that involves romantic feelings… but i suppose at this point i am rambling, going away from the original point… Which was>?
Can’t remember… I’m old…