Why do I feel guilty If I am not insulting anyone?

[Maria1993]

I am wondering if this happens to anyone…

Whenever I get into a discussion, or want to evangelize, and I post something, I can’t help but feel anxious and guilty. I am not insulting them, I am simply stating ‘my side’ or things I know, and I feel guilty! Even though the other person is not exactly being nice, or disagrees, I feel guilty and want to take back whatever I said, even if it was not anything wrong or an insult. Such as now when I had a discussion about persecution, I stated that there is an unjust law, the HHS Mandate, It may not be direct persecution, but it still is attacking a particular group, right?

I can’t help but feel guilty, and this keeps me from evangelizing or even stating my opinion. I don’t want to feel “proud” for “winning” an argument. And the phrase “win the argument lose the soul” is being a really big thorn right now. While I am not offending anyone, I still feel as if this applies to me and God will hold me accountable for whatever happens to the person that i had the conversation with.

I am thinking about listening to a podcast of CA live titled “How to win the argument without losing the soul” (something along that line), but it might just give me a ‘scrupulous attack’

Does this happen to you? Or ever did? Any help is appreciated, and God bless.

 

[Cliff_Jumper]

Is there anything particular you feel guilty about?
For example when I first started apologetics I felt guilty or worried that I posted something which could be misleading. Then I would worry that since it was a lie I would go to hell. Is it a guilt or worry like that?

 

[Maria1993]

Is there anything particular you feel guilty about?
For example when I first started apologetics I felt guilty or worried that I posted something which could be misleading. Then I would worry that since it was a lie I would go to hell. Is it a guilt or worry like that?

Yes that too. Mine is mostly about them getting offended and hate the faith even more. And that quote I stated is really a thorn in the side. I see many debate with others fearlessly and holding fast to their beliefs. I am too afraid to to that because I don’t want to “win the argument and lose the soul”

 

[MidnightSun12]

It’s key that our reasons for evangelizing come from a desire to help the other person get to heaven, not to win a personal victory.

I often feel guilty after I post if I am doing so for my own prideful desire to win the debate… which happens more often then I would like. Often times I do not win the debate and even when I do I feel rotten afterwards.

I believe our reasons for engaging in apologetics should be motivated by a desire to defend the Truth (since our Lord is Truth, we are actually defending Him in these cases). That said, we must realize that the Truth will ultimately prevail on its own so there’s no need for us to go in for a crushing defeat when we see the opportunity (all we need to do is to present the Truth and try to break down barriers to the Truth as we are presented with opportunities).

 

[Maria1993]

It was in regards to him finding it “comical” that there would be persecution of Christians in the US.

I stated that the HHS mandate is unjust, though not the severity of persecution. Think about all the effects. In a sense yes, it was for truth, and I guess pride. But what I said was nothing wrong, I’m feeling compulsed to go back and write “no you are right, there is no persecution here” but a part of me says that the HHS mandate is.

ughhhhhhhh

 

[MidnightSun12]

It was in regards to him finding it “comical” that there would be persecution of Christians in the US.

I stated that the HHS mandate is unjust, though not the severity of persecution. Think about all the effects. In a sense yes, it was for truth, and I guess pride. But what I said was nothing wrong, I’m feeling compulsed to go back and write “no you are right, there is no persecution here” but a part of me says that the HHS mandate is.

ughhhhhhhh

You were right to speak against the HHS mandate, Maria.

The HHS mandate is evil legislation because it promotes something that is intrinsically immoral… contraception. There’s also the added gravity of certain types of contraception being abortificient. So this mandate is actually enabling and promoting the murder of innocent human beings as well.

As far as whether the HHS mandate is persecution, I would focus on the fact that it is intrinsically evil during discussions first. I find the freedom of religion argument to be very unconvincing. Many non-believers will just say that anybody can make up their own set of twisted beliefs and call it their “religion”… which is probably true in today’s society where there are people who practice heinous things such as satanism, etc…

We must never treat the Catholic faith as being one out of a set of acceptable beliefs… the Catholic faith is the divinely established Truth that was created by God Himself and we must never compromise on this fact, even an inch! At the end of the day, the real reason why we oppose the HHS mandate is because it promotes the intrinsic evils of contraception and chemical abortion which the Church has spoken infallibly against. This infallible Truth is what we must stay close to during our debates, otherwise we will lose our way!

God bless!

 

[St_Francis]

Maria,
There can be a lot of issues at play here. First, esp in the US, there is a cultural thing of not disagreeing with people. I was eaised not to talk about money, politics, or religion because those topics have so much potential for making people uncomfortable, and I agree there is a time and place… But as a result, I was never able to bring up money with an employer altho I have gotten over the politics and religion part

So there’s definitely that cultural thing, but on top of that, there is an expection for Christians to be “nice,” and that means never making anyone feel “bad.” That’s kind of a double-whammy for us!

And there is the natural tendency of human beings to put what others think of them *too high. *Sometimes higher than what God thinks of us And this is the sin of “human respect.”

But Christ was not “being nice” when He overturned the money changers’ tables, was he? And St Nicholas punched Arius in the nose (my children were delighted to learn that ) There are lots of stories about saints being very plainspoken…

I try to remember that I am *explaining what we believe, *not arguing to win. I want to plant seeds, not bend the other to my will. Sometimes I write more for a lurker than for the other poster. And these things help keep me from that win-at-all costs attitude.

And of course I try to remember to pray…

It sounds like you are presenting facts and stating your backed-up opinion without getting personal. Christ said that we would be persecuted!

And remember, the fact that someone else is upset by what you said does n’t mean the you did or said the wrong thing!

 

[JRKH]

Some good (name removed by moderator)ut above. If I may add my :twocents:…

Part of this problem might be a prompting of the Spirit to allow Him to help you properly choose how you approach a subject. This is something that I discovered when I first started discussing things on message boards and had people get mad at me.
I began reading carefully how others wrote…especially those with many postings and people who seemed to be widely respected. I also prayed on the matter since, like you, I did not want to be an obstacle to others.
Gradually - I was able to learn to write in ways that were at once - honest - clear - and charitable. Not to brag, but other people, even “adversaries”, began to offer me some of the same compliments that I had seen and given to others.

Now - There are still times when I worry about what to say or how to say it…There are still times when others get peeved with me…But the fact is that I do all that I can to be respectful to them and more importantly to God. If they have a problem after that - well I have to leave it in God’s hands.

So the bottom line here is this.
Recognize that this is not necessarily a fault…but rather a “guard”. It is something that helps you to “watch your words” so that you phrase things clearly and unemotionally. So that you say what you mean and mean what you say.
After that - we must leave it to the Holy Spirit.

Peace
James

 

[kkollwitz]

I tend to say “The Church teaches that…” or “This is how the Church understands this passage…” I think it moves the discussion away from being just my opinion vs someone else’s. You aren’t evangelizing just what you happen to think or believe.

 

[Cliff_Jumper]

Yes that too. Mine is mostly about them getting offended and hate the faith even more. And that quote I stated is really a thorn in the side. I see many debate with others fearlessly and holding fast to their beliefs. I am too afraid to to that because I don’t want to “win the argument and lose the soul”

I would not worry too much about offending them. The Truth will be offensive to some people. As long as you are not stating the Truth in a vicious or rude manner you are doing the right thing. I would say that because you are worried about offending others, and have sought help to avoid it, I highly doubt you are offending anyone or just being prideful. More then likely you are simply experiencing anxiety about a big step in actively defending the Faith.

Winning the debate and losing the soul. As you have stated you do not want to commit this sin, I really doubt you are. You are aware of the pitfalls of this sin, and are trying to avoid committing it. You may try this little prayer I pray to God for help:

Lord, grant me the grace to properly teach the Faith, let this grace flow through me, and let it touch the hearts of the atheists that I speak with. God let their hearts be softened that you may be able to enter their hearts and show them the Truth and Beauty of the Catholic Church.

 

[Lady_Love]

I have felt the way you have about my manner of evangelization and it was for a good reason. Jesus was letting me know that my approach was lacking in compassion. It is hard for people to argue or resist compassion. The most all encompassing virtue of Jesus was His compassion. He knew that the people He came to save, even His persecutors, were “lost” sheep. He knew that they were deceived, wounded, ashamed, blind to their own dignity, and afraid, especially of rejection. He wanted me to take great care to never use the truth to my own advantage or just to win. He also wanted me to change my context about those with an opposing view, mainly that these people are not His enemies but His children, rebellious and lost children maybe but still His children nonetheless.

The best way to evangelize is not giving everyone the answers but asking the right questions and sharing stories.