Why do so many people want to be hated?

[ASC]

Have you ever noticed that many people want to be hated? It seems to be common thing, at least among women. People love spreading stories about how mean other people are, and one of their favorite topics is “oh, so and so hates me so much. One time he/she…” I highly doubt that they’re actually offended. I think that it just kind of fits in with the self-pity culture. When you listen to a story told from that viewpoint, it’s natural for the listener to respond with pity for the “victimized” storyteller. It also makes any retaliation by the “victim” sound justified.

This leads me into the “push back” mentality. This, also, is a common one. I’ll often meet people who teach their children, “no one is ever allowed to offend you, and if they do, you are fully justified to insult them, hate them, and spread the word that they are a terrible person, and I, your parent, will go to their parents and tell them all about it.” Don’t you see the problem here? Yet so many parents teach this to their children. Kindergarteners now are constantly “telling on each other” or complaining that what the other kid said “isn’t nice.” Of course it’s “not nice!” Now, telling a person that stealing is wrong will evolve the answer, “don’t judge me.” We do not have the right to judge the person, of course, but we can judge the action. Yet people no longer make that distinction.

All of this stems from pride. Pride is, to me, the most destructive of the seven cardinal sins. No one now can ever ever admit that they are wrong, and they teach their children to do the same. What will the next generation be like? Even catholic parents sometime have this mentality and unknowingly pass it on to their children, or else the children learn it from school, even Catholic school. And I must admit that these ideas are very easy to fall in with. It’s so easy to tell a story and to play up your own suffering so that you appear innocent and cruelly victimized. Swimming against the tide is so difficult, but, I encourage you, look around. Open your eyes, and you will see this everywhere. Is this how you want your children to be? Overly sensitive to the point of being intollerant, self-pitying, more obsessed with standing up for themselves that they forget their religious beliefs and religion becomes secondary to their opinions? This seems to be a growing problem.

 

[adgloriam]

Have you ever noticed that many people want to be hated?

Vices opposed to peace: discord (37), contention (38), schism (39), war (40), strife (41) and sedition (42). Scandal (43), the vice opposed to beneficence

People love spreading stories about how mean other people are, and one of their favorite topics is “oh, so and so hates me so much. One time he/she…”

Verbal injuries inflicted extrajudicially include reviling (72), backbiting (73), tale-bearing (74), derision (75), and cursing (76).

 

[niceatheist]

I think the notion of being hated is a sort of vanity. It makes one feel important to imagine people hate you. After all, what’s a hero without an antagonist?

 

[giuseppe96]

Everybody wants attention these days to fuel their egos, whether it’s positive or negative attention is their choice.

 

[Seagull]

Today’s politicians - seem to get a kick out of it.
Not all of them, but they make these outrageous laws -
and the voters - just - cant - believe it.
They thus hate - the person.
That’s all they can do.
And call talk radio.
Watch TV - to find other talkers - to sympathize - etc

 

[HeDa]

There have been so many times now in the past couple of years, when I seriously wanted to knock some sense into the parents when I had to talk to them about how their children behaved in school.

 

[Kathleen18]

Kindergarteners now are constantly “telling on each other” or complaining that what the other kid said “isn’t nice.”

I work in Elementary Education. Kids have been telling on each other for who knows how long! Their brains aren’t fully developed to really deal with resolving some issues on their own. They need guidance and are seeking it. Their feelings were also probably hurt and they need help in dealing with if.

 

[Gertabelle]

Kindergartners now are constantly “telling on each other” or complaining that what the other kid said “isn’t nice.”

This isn’t “kindergartners now” – this is small children for time immemorial.

 

[Lea101]

I’m sure it’s that deep but idk…most of my friends (including men duh) do this because we generally talk about things that bother us or is simply salient from the rest of the stuff that has happened. People generally expect good treatment from others, so you hardly hear people saying stuff like ‘this girl offered me her seat’ unless the good deed exceeds the person’s expectation for normal behavior.

For some reason I’m sensing you’re not really talking about that example you give, but rather politics?

 

[Lea101]

I would also add that kids should learn how to be nice to each other, that includes not retaliating. So many little…unpleasant ones running around these days.

 

[ASC]

Yes, of course, I just meant that it is even more so now. And not just kindergarten. Kids in sixth grade still act like kindergarteners in this respect.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

You are criticizing developmentally correct behavior. Those 6th graders are navigating new social and emotional experiences as well as a surge of hormones. A lot of adults expect children to behave better and have more self control than they do.

 

[Allegra]

I agree that for a lot of people, the idea of being hated makes them feel important and powerful. If they convince themselves that other people hate them, that makes them feel like they can hurt or annoy them. That’s why we see adults openly delight in making other people mad. I don’t know that this is “new” behavior though. I think it’s been around for a while. I think tattling and retaliating inappropriately is normal for kindergarteners. They are still learning how to draw boundaries and a lot of times what is perceived as “tattling” is in reality, a legitimate attempt to get an adult’s opinion on whether a situation that annoyed them merits smacking someone in the face or simply telling them they are a booger-eater. No, it’s not good to teach kids to be hyper-sensitive crybabies who take personal offense over every little thing someone does that they don’t like, but it’s also important for kids to learn how to say, “I don’t like the way you are treating me” in situations where boundaries SHOULD be drawn. It’s unfortunate that in both kid’s lives and in the adult world, victims are often shamed and bullied into silence because it’s just easier to pretend it was “just a joke” or “not that big of deal” so those in authority don’t have to mediate or do more paperwork.

 

[ZMystiCat]

I think that, in a lot of cases, people just lack the ability to handle things like adults.

I do know some Christians, though, who genuinely believe that only those who are hated are living Christianity well. They seek out and relish in hate, believing that offending others somehow makes Jesus happy with them. In that case, there is a clear religious motivation to be hated.

Others I think have, for some reason, embraced being hated as part of their identity. If they lose a sense of being hated, they feel weird and like something is missing. This leads them to seek it out, by imagining hate where there is none and/or by doing things that make people hate them.