Why do some couples keep their relationship a quiet when they’re dating early on?

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DlandFan06

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This is something that I’ve thought about this morning and as well as in the past: it’s why do some couples keep their relationship a secret or on the down low early on? I mean, it’s not like you’re hiding state secrets or anything so I don’t know why it has to be a secret. Eventually people will find out and after a certain point, people do know.

Maybe it’s just my philosophy but the logic begind hiding it just doesn’t make sense. To me, dating should be something new about you like getting a new haircut or getting a car or getting a new job like “what’s new with you? oh I’m dating this wonderful girl”. You know, something like that. I just don’t see the reason for couples to hide it and I’m talking about early on in the relationship when you just start dating. It strikes me as immature to be doing that IMO.

To clarify, I don’t mean announce it to people like on a banner or even on social media but just letting people find out on their own; not keeping a secret but also not actively telling everyone either.
 
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Some of the problem is with pressure form family or friends. Either pushing them together or trying to break them up. Unless there are abuse concerns, it is better for others to let the couple make ther own decisions. But sometimes others don’t know any better.
 
I have actually done this. My reasoning was I wanted to know if it was going somewhere - if it wasn’t, there wouldn’t be anything to tell. I wanted to be sure first before confirming it. I don’t see anything immature in that.

We just must have different philosophies.
 
That was my thought as well. A lot of people like to get up in other people’s romantic business. Even if people do find out, keeping more quiet communicates that you don’t want your romantic affairs to be subject to a lot of discussion.
 
But when do you start to tell people? At some point, you gotta let everyone know. You can’t keep it hush-hush forever.
 
Depends on who they are and how well I know them. Usually people would figure it out anyway. But I don’t think I’d see a need to make any sort of announcement, except to a few close friends. Why would I need to make some big deal out of it? This isn’t high school where we need to go around gossiping about oh, did you hear so-and-so is seeing so-and-so now, how long do you think it’ll last. Generally your romantic life and who you’re seeing isn’t the business of anyone other than you and your partner.
 
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I get that but over the course of time, I have seen people’s relationships become common knowledge. You don’t have to announce it or anything but at some point I think you’d have to be ok with people knowing. I don’t try to announce that I’m dating but at the same time, I don’t try to hide it either. If people find out then people find out.
 
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I think there’s two different things here.

Are we talking about people actively hiding relationships - lying about them or going out of their way to pretend they’re not dating? Or are we talking about people who aren’t actively going around announcing it?

From your original post:
DlandFan06 said:
Maybe it’s just my philosophy but the logic begind hiding it just doesn’t make sense. To me, dating should be something new about you like getting a new haircut or getting a car or getting a new job like “what’s new with you? oh I’m dating this wonderful girl”. You know, something like that. I just don’t see the reason for couples to hide it and I’m talking about early on in the relationship when you just start dating. It strikes me as immature to be doing that IMO.
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That sounds a lot more like just not telling people who don’t have a reason to know. What kind of relationship do you have with the people who are hiding things like that, anyway? There’s nothing wrong with not wanting everyone to know everything about you.
 
True we so have different philisophies on this. Haha. My thing is if people find out then people find out. And it’s not like you can keep it under wraps forever at some point you have to let people know meaning being ok with people finding. If it gets serious and it gets into marriage territory then it’s kinda counter-intuitive to keep it hush-hush for that long especially if you announce an engagement.
 
DlandFan06 said:
If it gets serious and it gets into marriage territory then it’s kinda counter-intuitive to keep it hush-hush for that long especially if you announce an engagement.
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Well, I definitely wouldn’t hide it for that long. If I thought a relationship was serious and it was going to go somewhere, I’d tell people. If I wasn’t sure, I’d rather wait until I was.
 
It’s more of a mix of the two leaning towards that latter. A person doesn’t have to tell everything about what goes on but at some point one should be ok with everyone knowing through just how news travels outside of just having your close friends know.
 
I’m just wondering what evidence you have that they’re not ok with people knowing. A lot of times I might be passively ok with someone knowing, for example, but not want to talk about it with them or see any reason to bring it up.
 
It’s not really evidence it’s more through observation and interaction. I’m more of the mind of not trying to hide it but also not announcing it. People find out then people find out, y’know?
 
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True. It isn’t sinful to keep your boyfriend life private but at some point a person should be ok with people knowing either through osmosis, news getting around, people figuring it out or just being cool sith people knowing. I don’t actively tell people but I’m also not hush-hush about it or secret about it. In other words, if people figure it out or don’t then that’s ok.
 
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