Why does God Oppose me?

[ftnf83]

Hi JohnDoe,

I read your post “why does God oppose me?” and I just had to reach out because I’ve been in a quite similar spiritual state for the last 3 yrs. I’m just now starting to come out of it.

You can read a post I made a while back here:
It was titled “does God demand more than an eye for an eye?”

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=465002

I felt rejected, abandoned, and even abused by God. I too questioned ‘what have I ever done?’ to deserve this level of suffering…

What you are going through is definitely a “dark night” period of your life, as described by St John of the Cross. St Teresa of Avila doesn’t use this terminology but speaks of periods of extreme desolation.

I suffered physically, being very ill in my mid 20s, and all though I don’t have a physical defect, I feel I can somewhat relate because one of the top Healing Priests in the world confirmed I have a severe curse of “rejection” in my life. It concerned others not seeing my value, especially everyone who was brought close to me in life who was ‘supposed to’.

Here’s a passage I quickly found online to describe the Dark Night

The principal source of suffering in this night is an apparent abandonment by God. The soul is deprived of all delight and satisfaction in relations with God. It is closed in upon itself, faced with its own misery and lowliness; God appears as a ruthless and avenging judge. The soul desires more than ever to serve God but feels that it can in no way be acceptable to God. Although actually in a high state of perfection, it feels desolate rather than favored by God. It would welcome death as a release from its torture.

But then it gives the Reason…

But the soul that passes through this night comes forth from this trial resplendent and beautiful, completely transformed in God, and free forever from its weaknesses, imperfections, and miseries. Having been completely purified of them by the terrible mystical purgatory it has suffered, it scales the heights of sanctity.

Any state of desolation as per Avila has this effect… (it doesn’t have to be the last Dark Night before complete holiness, or what they call the ‘transforming union’.)… these states purify… they account for our Purgatory here on earth.

Now that the worst of my dark night ‘period’ is over… I see such a crazy change in myself… I’ve seen a lot of my veniel sins that I had no idea were there before, and have gotten better with them… (It’s kind of like the story of Job who ‘thought’ he was innocent, because he was doing such good in his life all ready… but if one really researches newadvent.org/cathen/08413a.htm one sees -look under the 2nd paragraph under ‘contents’- that “the sharp reproofs of Eliu and Yahweh leave no doubt of his sin”. I guess my point is we may think ourselves just, but we’re not perfect… and that’s what suffering does… it’s our mystical purgatory to help us reach absolute perfection… and we can’t enter heaven unless we’re at absolute perfection. )

The other change I see in myself is just how utterly detached I’ve become about things. It gives me such peace and happiness. I no longer care if I’m rejected by others… I know that God doesn’t reject me and I know in my vocation to marriage my future husband won’t reject me (it’s been a promise through many charismatic prayer teams, that I believe is there for others; as long as they suffer and pray for their spouse’s purification for many years while they’re young and single) … and that’s all that matters

I used to think it was incredibly harsh the suffering we must go through for bits of purification.... cruel even. I still believe it's harsh. We do go through fire after all. Reading a book called "Fire Within" helped it all make sense..... the fire may seem cruel in intensity for a while, but we know not and grasp not what we will become. Pg 176 pf that book explains how we will become "Deiform" (God like or God-form)- "by participation in the Divine Life itself". (to be distinguished from Pantheism) To be God like? 
That can't come from anything other than we as creatures of free will making ourselves worthy in a sense. We can make ourselves worthy of damnation or of Heaven. We even pray this with each Hail Holy Queen, "pray for us... that we may become worthy of the promises of Christ".  And the only way to become worthy is to be willing to go through this fire.... and to die to self- to each and every blemish within us. 

Padre Pio agreed that this is no light thing. In the book "Padre Pio : The True Story" on pg 128  it states "What is the reason for so much suffering? ... 'Religion' he wrote, 'is a hospital for spiritually sick people who want to be healed. To be healed, they must submit themselves to suffering, namely, to bloodletting, to the lance, to the razor, to the probe, to the scalpel, to the fire, and to all the bitterness of the medicine. In order to be spiritually cured, we have to submit to all the tortures of the divine Physician.'" Padre Pio is someone who went through an extreme dark night period in his youth as well, were he felt utterly rejected by God, who at that time appeared to him to be a cruel avenging judge. It let up during during the middle of his life, and then came back at the very end.

 

[ftnf83]

Continued post…

Three books that pretty much saved me from my misery last year, because they really helped me understand the question of why God 'seems' so extracting and unrelenting to us at times... and how it's really all just further purification, (which in the end will not have appeared to be so bad, compared with the glory that awaits) have been: 

1. Fire Within, by Thomas Dubay
2. The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis
3. Padre Pio: The True Story, by C. Bernard Ruffin

Hopefully something in my post can be of help to you! Hang in there, when God starts to lift the darkness, you'll experience love and happiness like you've never known before :) And that's a promise!

Also one more thing! Have courage and do continue to pray and go to Mass.... I say this because if you give up these things the devil will be able to have 100x more power over you. You'll feel worse. I say this from the experience of whenever my prayer life started to falter. Even in your darkest moments, pray a rosary or two :o You'll be in my prayers broth'a :o

 

[tuscany]

Continued prayers for you John, and a Rosary was said for you today.

 

[johndoe2012]

Thank you so much my brothers and sisters in the Lord. I really appreciate the outpouring of love for me on these forums. I find it quite soothing to the soul. I really enjoy reading your responses. My defect is not something easily covered up. The meaning of life is becoming clearer to me. But I am in deep emotional pain in which I try to distance my mind from. It’s weird I guess. My connection with the Lord is a difficult one. I cannot attend church services or Mass, I fear the ridicule. It’s a shameful position for myself. I understand that there are many out there with even worse predicaments and perhaps this is my test, but again, I lack courage to take up even that path. Everything that can go wrong in my personal life surely has.

Thanks for your prayers everyone,

I have really found a community on these forums.

 

[soma]

God does not oppose you because God is inside you and you are inside God…

 

[Ad_Altare_Dei_1]

JohnDoe2012,

Your original post is an answer to one of my prayers today. I’ve not been having a good relationship with my wife lately. Even after Mass today, I was feeling very cheated out of a better marriage. Everything else in my life is perfectly fine so I asked God to help me deal with these feelings. Viola! Here was your post. In reading it I can see my issues are very minor in comparison. You have been dealt a different set of cards and are suffering through it in a very inspiring way. My suffering, if I can call it that, cannot compare to yours. I am humbled. Your story has helped me see things more clearly and from a different perspective. It has helped me see how selfish I’ve become. Your story, to me, is like the voice of God talking through you to me. Truly a blessing!

Like many others, I will add you to my Rosary prayer intentions. I will also pray to my favorite saints to intercede on your behalf. Please continue to have hope and trust in our Lord! You are a very special and beautiful person! Thank you again for your story and God bless you!

 

[tuscany]

**Heya John,

I think for you, getting older will be very freeing for you. When you get to a certain age, you just stop caring what people think. Old people have watched themselves get old , wrinkled and weak. Body parts don’t work anymore, and you get made fun of everywhere.(In person, in jokes, on T,V. But it is totally freeing because they really don’t care what people think anymore.

I do realize that for young people though, it is very important to feel accepted, as being part of something, of belonging.

You belong to the family of God, and you have just as much right to be in church on Sunday as anyone else ! Don’t let fear of ridicule determine how you will live your life. You are so much more than your disfigurement. That is just a part of you, it’s not YOU !

Wherever you go, know that if people ridicule you, that that is their sin, it is not yours. If people on a bus stare, bring a book to read, and pay them no mind. If someone stares, give them a brilliant smile. In other words, just be yourself, and just forget it. If they are going to make a comment, you either smile at them, or just ignore them, and they will be the strange one talking to themselves.

I have a prayer for you from Blessed Mother Teresa, which of course I can’t find right now. But I will go look for it and post it.

Peace my friend**

 

[tuscany]

**I found it John !

Wise Advice about
Perspective in Life,
from Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis
it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.**