(cont.)
By obeying the Torah’s relevant precepts on this matter, we take the sexual act and invest it with sanctity and make it holy (in much the same way that keeping kosher, saying the blessings before & after meals, etc. invest the act of eating with sanctity and make it holy). Speaking from direct, personal experience, this system is absolutely marvelous. First of all, it teaches the husband that his wife’s body is not his toy. It helps teach him restraint (do we control our passions and appetites or do they control us?) and respect for his wife as a woman & a person. It helps prevent a couple from becoming bored with each other over time. It helps prevent this most unique and intimate form of interpersonal communication (so unique and intimate that the Torah reserves it for a husband and wife
ONLY) from becoming routine, mundane, humdrum, trite, etc. It is like having a mini-honeymoon every month throughout their life together & helps ensure that this aspect of a married couple’s relationship is fresh and exciting, always. It helps, no, forces, a couple to, during the 12 days’ time when they may have no contact, develop ways other than the physical for expressing their love & respect for each other; if sex is the major glue keeping a couple together, that marriage is in trouble.
Animals copulate; only human beings can make love. If a husband and wife do not treat each other with constant respect and devotion, then we become no better than animals that are driven and ruled by their urges & impulses.
There’s a story that a rabbi & his wife were just getting into bed one Friday night when the rabbi heard a strange noise. He looked around & found one of his students hiding under the bed. Enraged, the rabbi put on his shorts, yanked the student out from under the bed, clamped him in a headlock & began dragging toward the door. “What were you doing under our bed?” the rabbi cried. “I’m supposed to learn Torah from you,” the student replied. “So!!!” the Rabbi asked. “Well,” replied the student, “what you and your wife were about to do is Torah.” The rabbi then did two things. He congratulated his student on being 100% correct…and then chucked him out.
On a more…mechanical…note, technically, a husband & wife can do pretty much whatever they like together. However, a husband and wife should always keep Leviticus 19:2 in mind, “Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel and say unto them: 'You shall be holy; for I the Lord your God am holy.” Even during sexual relations, especially during sexual relations, a couple must keep in mind this positive injunction to be holy.
Sexual relations outside of marriage are strongly frowned upon and not permitted. (Orthodox) Judaism believes that homosexual, lesbian, bestial and non-consensual heterosexual acts (even in the context of marriage) are inherently sinful at all times and in every context.
My impression is that the popular media in the US (and Israel, where I’ve been living for 18 years) offers a very skewed and warped view of sexuality in that it divests this sacred act of its inherent holiness, and demeans, cheapens, trivializes it, and changes it into something mundane and trite. It is also horribly demeaning to women & exhibits them as one would a side of beef; it portrays women not as people but as the sum of certain body parts. (Please! I do not advocate censorship!!! What I don’t like, I don’t watch & don’t let my children watch.) Pornography takes the foregoing to the extreme. (Orthodox) Judaism believes that our inherent nobility, worth & beauty as people are not predicated on the subjective attractiveness of our bodies.
Howzat?
Be well & be in touch (I probably won’t be back online until Saturday evening.)
ssv
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