Why Faithful Catholics Get Divorced

[JimG]

Why Faithful Catholics Get Divorced - Crisis Magazine

 

[1Lord1Faith]

It’s an interesting article, even though it’s originally from 2004 it still brings up some worthwhile points. I wonder if some of the concerns mentioned in the article have been addressed since then.

One thing I take issue with was the expectation that a couple of the people who were interviewed for the article had of their priests during their divorce.

Frank, an abandoned father of four, had a similar experience when he was faced with divorce. “The different priests I talked to seemed very uninterested, which I found appalling. It was like talking to a wall when my wife and I talked to one priest. All he could say is, ‘I can’t tell who the victim is here.’ Another who was a more senior priest, he just talked about civil and legal matters as being completely segregated from matrimonial unions blessed by the Church,” said Frank. “The priests—it didn’t look like they had a clue what to do. They were so out of touch with the need to problem-solve.”

I’m not sure that the priest is the one in this situation who is out of touch with the need to problem-solve. IMO, the expectations, and the need to problem solve, for a healthy marriage fall on the couple not a priest. I can imagine a priest sitting there thinking ‘what does this person think that I can do to solve their problems’.

The main thing I got out of this article wasn’t that there is a culture problem, or a Tribunal problem, or marriage prep problem. But the problem that the article proposed at the start is that an intellectual understanding of marriage and Church teachings do not mean anything if someone is self righteous in a marriage.

I also see that the apologetics, or intellectual, approach to Catholicism is a bad way to approach the religion. People need to have a foundation of charity and humility in place first. And in the case of marriage, one should have a complete sense of themselves first.

 

[Lara]

JimG. Please tell us why you linked the article and what you think of it.

 

[commenter]

The article seemed to go out its way to caution that a full knowledge of Church teaching on Marriage is not sufficient. Ok. In 2020 this problem likely exists, but then there’s the other 99 percent.

 

[JimG]

JimG. Please tell us why you linked the article and what you think of it.

Here are a couple of lines from the article that intrigued me:

“Ironically enough, faithful Catholics’ emphasis on doctrinal study can actually leave them vulnerable to high-minded doubts about their marriages.”

“The bar is very low for what one needs to know to get married validly,” said Father Brunetta. “The Church law requires very little for a valid marriage. People playing all these head games about why their marriages are invalid don’t understand the Church’s teachings.”

It isn’t that difficult to give valid consent to marriage. Yet now, it seems, people seem to be able to find all sorts of reasons why their consent was not valid. I’ve known a few Catholic married couples who divorced after 25 or 30 years. One told me that she realized now that she was not mature enough to give valid consent at the time of marriage. It puzzled me. People have been getting married and giving valid consent for centuries, making vows and meaning what they say. Now, there seems to be a lot of intellectualizing and second guessing. But I’m not a canonist and have never been on a tribunal, so I don’t know. But that’s why I thought the article was interesting.

 

[Retsel]

I saved my marriage and for over ten years have been trying to save others. Very hard, but not for reasons you might think.

1. Most people don’t belive marriages can be saved.
2. Because of this they’re afraid to try or even listen.
3. Lastly, they go to professionals who were never married, or couldn’t save their own marriages.

 

[BenjaminJ]

Catholics cant get divorced. Might be divorced in the eyes of government. Never in the eyes of God. If a catholic gets divorced by government and then goes on to date or marry again they are committing adultery.

 

[Welshrabbit]

Lastly, they go to professionals who were never married, or couldn’t save their own marriages.

I was seeing a therapist for a bit a few years ago. He was a nice guy but divorced (not sure how many times). He mentioned having my wife come in for marriage counseling a few times.

I thought to myself: “Why would anyone go to a therapist for marriage counseling when said therapist has been divorced?”