M
Madaglan
Guest
I have a few questions for people on these forums. I’ve been having a number of health problems the past few years, in addition to perhaps other spiritually-related problems, and I’ve been praying a lot to God for peace and healing. I really desire healing (and it’s not just physical healing, but also emotional, psychological and spiritual), and I read in the Bible how Christ says that if we ask it will be given. I believe I even have recently read an early Christian text which describes how God will give us anything that we ask for, even if what we ask for is not extremely wise to ask for (which seems to go even beyond what the Bible directly implies).
But, in any case, I’ve been asking for healing the past four years or so. Have done hundreds of novenas, have been prayed over by charismatic Catholics, have contacted miracle healers, have worn miraculous medal, worn third class relics of saints, etc.
I also desire to have peace. I’ve been praying for this for a long time–longer than four years–but I never seem to have God’s peace. This is odd, I think, because Christ said, “My peace I give you.” I oftentimes wonder if He gave me His peace, or if I’m damned and there is no reason to give a piece of dirt peace. My priest recently talked about how God’s peace is avaliable to everyone at all times. We just have to open ourselves up to it. Some of my friends have suggested that perhaps I am not asking for peace with enough faith. Others have said, “Offer up your sufferings! and God will heal you (or God will reward you).” Yet some others say, “Stop thinking of yourself! Go feed the hungry and build homes for the homeless, and God will give you your heart’s desire!”
And these points are ones which really afflict me, since I have already opened myself up to God (I don’t care what anyone says to the contrary), and I don’t know how I can have any more faith. I offer up my afflictions; and, to tell you the truth, I don’t go out and do volunteer work much now because half the time I can barely function with the problems I presently have. Right now I have trouble moving across my room and rotating my torso; and the constant headaches and social anxiety make me extremely anxious when I am around people. I’ve been to all the doctors, and they can’t help. So, any advice about seeing an orthopedic, physical therapist, psychologist, psychiatrst–I’ve already exhausted that. I even talk with two priests, but, despite their much-appreciated, honest and kind-hearted attempts to help me, I cannot say that I feel any better.
Every time I obtain the Eucharist I ask God for peace and (or) healing, but I never obtain either; and in fact I oftentimes leave Mass feeling hurt, angry. A few days ago I had one of the worst experiences of my life. I had extremely bad headaches, but I also felt as though I was living in a nightmare. All day while I was awake, my body and head shook, and the feelings that one has when one has a nightmare were present in my walking life.
So, I’m not asking for any advice. I just want to know, why does God not stay true to His word? Why, when I ask Him for His peace, do I not get His peace? Why, after praying novenas that are said “never to fail” am I not healed in the slightest, but continually become iller and my faith beaten down? How can I be expected to praise God when I’ve been in constant and debilitating pain 24/7 for the past three years and can’t remember one day of peace, of happiness? (I know that there are probably people who will say, “Well, I’m a parapalegic, and I praise God every day!!! How dare you say such things!!!” And I can only say in response to this that, although I do not have cancer, MS or any other deadly disease, I honestly I haven’t had any moments of happiness or peace the past several years, and during much of my young life.
I’m not really complaining against God. It’s just that i have a difficult time reconciling what the Church and Scripture teach about God answering our prayers, God only intending good for us, about God giving us whatever we need, etc–with what I personally experience.
But, in any case, I’ve been asking for healing the past four years or so. Have done hundreds of novenas, have been prayed over by charismatic Catholics, have contacted miracle healers, have worn miraculous medal, worn third class relics of saints, etc.
I also desire to have peace. I’ve been praying for this for a long time–longer than four years–but I never seem to have God’s peace. This is odd, I think, because Christ said, “My peace I give you.” I oftentimes wonder if He gave me His peace, or if I’m damned and there is no reason to give a piece of dirt peace. My priest recently talked about how God’s peace is avaliable to everyone at all times. We just have to open ourselves up to it. Some of my friends have suggested that perhaps I am not asking for peace with enough faith. Others have said, “Offer up your sufferings! and God will heal you (or God will reward you).” Yet some others say, “Stop thinking of yourself! Go feed the hungry and build homes for the homeless, and God will give you your heart’s desire!”
And these points are ones which really afflict me, since I have already opened myself up to God (I don’t care what anyone says to the contrary), and I don’t know how I can have any more faith. I offer up my afflictions; and, to tell you the truth, I don’t go out and do volunteer work much now because half the time I can barely function with the problems I presently have. Right now I have trouble moving across my room and rotating my torso; and the constant headaches and social anxiety make me extremely anxious when I am around people. I’ve been to all the doctors, and they can’t help. So, any advice about seeing an orthopedic, physical therapist, psychologist, psychiatrst–I’ve already exhausted that. I even talk with two priests, but, despite their much-appreciated, honest and kind-hearted attempts to help me, I cannot say that I feel any better.
Every time I obtain the Eucharist I ask God for peace and (or) healing, but I never obtain either; and in fact I oftentimes leave Mass feeling hurt, angry. A few days ago I had one of the worst experiences of my life. I had extremely bad headaches, but I also felt as though I was living in a nightmare. All day while I was awake, my body and head shook, and the feelings that one has when one has a nightmare were present in my walking life.
So, I’m not asking for any advice. I just want to know, why does God not stay true to His word? Why, when I ask Him for His peace, do I not get His peace? Why, after praying novenas that are said “never to fail” am I not healed in the slightest, but continually become iller and my faith beaten down? How can I be expected to praise God when I’ve been in constant and debilitating pain 24/7 for the past three years and can’t remember one day of peace, of happiness? (I know that there are probably people who will say, “Well, I’m a parapalegic, and I praise God every day!!! How dare you say such things!!!” And I can only say in response to this that, although I do not have cancer, MS or any other deadly disease, I honestly I haven’t had any moments of happiness or peace the past several years, and during much of my young life.
I’m not really complaining against God. It’s just that i have a difficult time reconciling what the Church and Scripture teach about God answering our prayers, God only intending good for us, about God giving us whatever we need, etc–with what I personally experience.