Why is cheating bad?

[garyr]

I had to read this twice in order to understand it, and I don’t think I do. In the interest of clarity, are you comparing cheating on a spouse (a deeply, gravely serious mortal sin) to child molestation (a much, much more gravely serious mortal sin)?No argument, because if you really believe that there is not much difference between an infidelity and a child molestation…than you’ve left me speechless.

Ok then, a little homework for you:
make a list of all of all the virtues & commandments that are violated for each of the two transgressions mentioned above; Then you tell me - what violations do the two not have in common - those will be far fewer than those in common (my point here) - and the ones in common provide a serious quantum leap of separation from God. Legally, yes the two are ‘very’ different, and yes molestation is more serious.

 

[Rascalking]

Ok then, a little homework for you:
make a list of all of all the virtues & commandments that are violated for each of the two transgressions mentioned above; Then you tell me - what violations do the two not have in common - those will be far fewer than those in common (my point here) - and the ones in common provide a serious quantum leap of separation from God. Legally, yes the two are ‘very’ different, and yes molestation is more serious.

Thank you. That’s all I need to hear.

 

[RobnBobA1]

Although I understand it is their right (especially as non-Catholics) to do whatever they want with their own bodies, and with consenting adults, I just wanted to say that I find that whole thing really very sad. I can’t imagine not caring that my husband was having sex with other women, and I REALLY can’t imagine wanting to watch/participate. Yuck. Talk about devaluing the act of making love. Of, course, JMO.

Sad to you and I, because we view sex i a different light. You view it more in a marraige context, I am more lenient and view it in a relationship context, but both of us generally understand and feel that with a certain person that sex is special or sacred. For another who views sex as a physical release without emotional attachment and yet can still have that emotional context with their spouse, it mainly just comes down to a difference of context for sex. If it works for them and keeps their marriage alive and working without the lying cheating in the future, then that is what works for them

 

[sinnegam]

Sad to you and I, because we view sex i a different light. You view it more in a marraige context, I am more lenient and view it in a relationship context, but both of us generally understand and feel that with a certain person that sex is special or sacred. For another who views sex as a physical release without emotional attachment and yet can still have that emotional context with their spouse, it mainly just comes down to a difference of context for sex. If it works for them and keeps their marriage alive and working without the lying cheating in the future, then that is what works for them

To us Christians there are no different contexts for sex..sexual intercourse is the ultimate expression of love WITHIN MARRIAGE!...this concept is totally alien to you as an atheist and therefore you can have no idea how Christians feel when they experience difficulties or doubts....in short your contribution is irrelevant to this thread

 

[RobnBobA1]

To us Christians there are no different contexts for sex…sexual intercourse is the ultimate expression of love WITHIN MARRIAGE!..this concept is totally alien to you as an atheist and therefore you can have no idea how Christians feel when they experience difficulties or doubts…in short your contribution is irrelevant to this thread

One…it appears you are finding insult when there is none…tone it down a little.
Two…yes I can understand it and indeed I can feel the difference. Any person that has engaged in sex with more than one partner can tell you that sex with a person that they did not love was purely on a physical basis and (should they have no problem with that) can separate it from the emotional aspect of having sex with a partner that they love.

Third…what difficulties and doubts are you talking about? Cheating? You have problems with cheating on your spouse or remaining faithful, or your spouse cheating on you? I am confused and what you mean by those statements. Explaination please.

The OP asked a question as to why cheating on a girlfriend/boyfriend was bad (not a spouse) and I was explaining and giving an example of a married couple that does not have a problem with separating physical sex (with other people) and emotional sex (with each other). Its real and people out their experience that and can separate it, regardless of your opinion on it.

 

[sinnegam]

You as an atheist do not understand or accept Our God’s commandments…in this case we refer to the 6th commandment"Thou shalt not commit adultery"…as stated sex is confined to the sacred institution of marriage. You talk about sex as if it is a commodity…that’s where we differ…you cannot discuss sex with me on my level because you do understand it nor do I think you want to either. You have a hedonistic approach to sex…something to be used on a whim.
As for the original poster and his question…he is indulging in lies, theft and fails to acknowledge the lack of respect, deviousness and sheer dishonesty of such actions.When there is the slightest risk of a 3rd party being hurt be honest and upright about it. He will get what he deserves.
Difficulties and doubts…because of our human state and our sexual nature we encounter problems from time to time and we seek advice from others.We seek help from those that we deem to be capable of helping…in my case I would seek help from those of a similar religious background or even cultural background. An atheist couldnt help me with certain matters that might be relevant to my religious beliefs…hence I question the relevance of your posts on this thread…you are poles apart from most of us.

 

[RobnBobA1]

You as an atheist do not understand or accept Our God’s commandments…in this case we refer to the 6th commandment"Thou shalt not commit adultery"…as stated sex is confined to the sacred institution of marriage. You talk about sex as if it is a commodity…that’s where we differ…you cannot discuss sex with me on my level because you do understand it nor do I think you want to either. You have a hedonistic approach to sex…something to be used on a whim.
As for the original poster and his question…he is indulging in lies, theft and fails to acknowledge the lack of respect, deviousness and sheer dishonesty of such actions.When there is the slightest risk of a 3rd party being hurt be honest and upright about it. He will get what he deserves.
Difficulties and doubts…because of our human state and our sexual nature we encounter problems from time to time and we seek advice from others.We seek help from those that we deem to be capable of helping…in my case I would seek help from those of a similar religious background or even cultural background. An atheist couldnt help me with certain matters that might be relevant to my religious beliefs…hence I question the relevance of your posts on this thread…you are poles apart from most of us.

Simply because I do not AGREE with it means not that I don’t understand it. Two separate words with two separate meanings. Two…you have no understanding of my view on sex nor do I use as a commodity. I use it within a committed relationship where it has meaning…you might not agree with it, but that is fact. My approach to sex is that I use it to get closer to the man that I love, both physically, emotionally and mentally. I personally do not need words spoken by a priest to bring me to that point, simply my love for him and his love for me.

The OP was why is cheating bad, in relationship to a girlfriend and boyfriend…it was the “why” it is considered bad. In response, I and others stated that for the most part it had to do with the lying and betrayal of trust. Since the question is already outside the relevance of marriage, I could responde and say that your belief that sex is only in marraige is irrelevant since you cannot answer the specific question pertaining to sex outside of marraige but in a committed relationship. You would simply say that any sex outside of marriage is bad, and effectively NOT answer the question as to why in a relationship outside of marraige it is wrong. The lying and betrayal is one aspect to the immoralness of cheating, an aspect that he can understand,

 

[SugarMagnolia]

Sad to you and I, because we view sex i a different light. You view it more in a marraige context, I am more lenient and view it in a relationship context, but both of us generally understand and feel that with a certain person that sex is special or sacred. For another who views sex as a physical release without emotional attachment and yet can still have that emotional context with their spouse, it mainly just comes down to a difference of context for sex. If it works for them and keeps their marriage alive and working without the lying cheating in the future, then that is what works for them

If they want to have an open relationship, that’s their right. However, they should not be married because marriage (including secular marriage) includes the promise of fidelity. If they did not intend to be faithful to each other, then they lied. They didn’t lie to each other, but they lied to whoever performed and witnessed the wedding.

 

[coolduude]

Well now, using that logic if someone wants to have an abortion ‘it is their right’. Not good. Not good at all

 

[SugarMagnolia]

From the CCC, on sin:

---

1858 Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother."132 The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger.

The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger. Yes! This is what I’ve been saying. It is a far graver sin to cheat on the person you’re having a monogamous relationship with than it is to make love to the person you’re having a monogamous relationship with.

 

[sinnegam]

Simply because I do not AGREE with it means not that I don’t understand it. Two separate words with two separate meanings. Two…you have no understanding of my view on sex nor do I use as a commodity. I use it within a committed relationship where it has meaning…you might not agree with it, but that is fact. My approach to sex is that I use it to get closer to the man that I love, both physically, emotionally and mentally. I personally do not need words spoken by a priest to bring me to that point, simply my love for him and his love for me.

The OP was why is cheating bad, in relationship to a girlfriend and boyfriend…it was the “why” it is considered bad. In response, I and others stated that for the most part it had to do with the lying and betrayal of trust. Since the question is already outside the relevance of marriage, I could responde and say that your belief that sex is only in marraige is irrelevant since you cannot answer the specific question pertaining to sex outside of marraige but in a committed relationship. You would simply say that any sex outside of marriage is bad, and effectively NOT answer the question as to why in a relationship outside of marraige it is wrong. The lying and betrayal is one aspect to the immoralness of cheating, an aspect that he can understand,

 

[ExDeoVita]

First, I want to say that I know several people have been affected by this and I don’t mean to conjure anything bad up. So please try not to think that way.

Now, I know cheating is bad, but why?

I know the sacrament of marriage makes the two people one and God created us husband and wife, no third person. So cheating in a marriage is a big NO.

But what about in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend)? Why is it bad to cheat in a relationship? Again, I know it is bad, but why?

coolduude

It’s good that you know that it is ‘bad’, however I’m a little confused as to why you don’t know why it is bad.

Please help me out here.

Specify at least one example where it would be ‘good’.

 

[Rascalking]

There is a presumption of trust when you enter into a relationship. The presumption in 99% of relationships is fidelity. Cheating violates that trust. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend who wouldn’t care if you where faithful, they would tell you up front. It’s sort of like lying to someone.

I think it’s the violation of trust that is wrong.

Does that help?

 

[Fidelis_Unus]

The sexual sins here are adultery and fornication.

That is it.

Lying would be an additional sin that comes into play in every instance of adultery.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is not marriage - to classify them as the same kind of commitment is maybe the gospel of Hallmark, but, it is not a reality in the eyes of God.

Premarital sex IS extra-marital sex both are the sin of Fornication.

Personally, I don’t see ‘cheating’ on a boyfriend/girlfriend as infidelity. It’s just more of the same, extramarital sex. If marriage is not there, the commitment is not there. It may hurt, but morality is not determined by feelings or collateral damage.

 

[SugarMagnolia]

Premarital sex IS extra-marital sex both are the sin of Fornication.

Personally, I don’t see ‘cheating’ on a boyfriend/girlfriend as infidelity. It’s just more of the same, extramarital sex. If marriage is not there, the commitment is not there. It may hurt, but morality is not determined by feelings or collateral damage.

** If marriage is not there, the commitment is not there**

If I were engaged to someone and he said to me “I have no commitment to you” I’d break off the engagement on the spot because if he has no commitment to me he does not love me and I woudn’t marry someone who doesn’t love me. If he said “I’ll start having a commitment to you after we’re married” I’d say “balony.” Love and commitment don’t start after the wedding; they start before the wedding; otherwise there shouldn’t be a wedding.

 

[Rascalking]

I think marriage is the ultimate commitment (boy, that has zen like layers of meaning to to it)

A boyfriend and girlfriend can be committed to each other. I totally agree that it’s no where NEAR as important or signifigant as marriage, but there is a commitment. I’ve dated several women long term-and if I didn’t think it was a commitment, they would not only beg to differ, but probably kill me!

 

[Ailina]

First, I want to say that I know several people have been affected by this and I don’t mean to conjure anything bad up. So please try not to think that way.

Now, I know cheating is bad, but why?

I know the sacrament of marriage makes the two people one and God created us husband and wife, no third person. So cheating in a marriage is a big NO.

But what about in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend)? Why is it bad to cheat in a relationship? Again, I know it is bad, but why?

coolduude

Because it is dishonest and involves sneaking around behind someone’s back. breaking any sense of trust. Lets not even mention STDs (OOPs! Too late!)

Why don’t you just ask your girlfriend/boyfriend if you can also have sex outside the relationship? Might as well be open and honest about it, because heart ache is going to result one way or the other anyhow. Or you could ask your priest what he thinks about it. He’s bound to give you some good moral advice.