"Why is everything a struggle for me?"

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k5thbeatle

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This was a question posed by a good friend of mine and I didn’t exactly know how to answer him?

It seems his wife is having problems at work and the business he started several years ago is not turning out as he had planned. In his words everything he does seems to backfire and make his life more burdensome. All he claims to want to do is live peaceably and modestly yet even that seems to be a struggle. He is a nice man and a church attending catholic but I was caught a little off guard by his telling me of all his problems.

Can you help me respond to my friend with some suggestions?
 
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k5thbeatle:
This was a question posed by a good friend of mine and I didn’t exactly know how to answer him?

It seems his wife is having problems at work and the business he started several years ago is not turning out as he had planned. In his words everything he does seems to backfire and make his life more burdensome. All he claims to want to do is live peaceably and modestly yet even that seems to be a struggle. He is a nice man and a church attending catholic but I was caught a little off guard by his telling me of all his problems.

Can you help me respond to my friend with some suggestions?
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Without more specific info on his problems it’s tough to give any piece by piece advice. I would tell him to pray more ie… rosary/adoration and to remember that God loves him. God has a plan for him he just needs to trust him and hold on for the ride. I can recall times in my life that seemed like the end of the world. Looking back I realised it was all for my benefit and God took care of me the way only he knew I needed.

-D
 
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Darrel:
Without more specific info on his problems it’s tough to give any piece by piece advice. I would tell him to pray more ie… rosary/adoration and to remember that God loves him. God has a plan for him he just needs to trust him and hold on for the ride. I can recall times in my life that seemed like the end of the world. Looking back I realised it was all for my benefit and God took care of me the way only he knew I needed.

-D
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Well I don’t know all the exact details but I suspect he is suffering a little depression from what I can gather but here is what i do know:

He started a his own business about 7 years ago and he has related that it is draining him i.e. taking all his time to keep it going and even then just to make ends meet. How did he put it?..“It’s like I’m working for everybody but me”. To make matters worse his wife has been having trouble at her job which has been stable up till now. She is getting placed with crazy hours, more and different job projects that change all the time. He believes that it is her companies attempt to push her out as they have been doing this to all their long term employees in an attempt to save money.
All this has put pressure on their marriage as he has been married for only 5 years. I think he feels guilty that he is not successful enough in his own business venture to have her quit and he also related feeling helpless to do anything to help.
I know these people and they live very, very modestly and are not living beyond their means. For instance, I know the cars they drive are like 15 years old.

When I spoke with him he related how all his life he has been poor and everything he has gotten has always been a struggle to get. He doesn’t want/need to be rich but just wants to quit struggling. So he started his own business, which he related was also a lifelong dream, and now several years later he is discovering that this too has turned into a struggle and has backfired on him by adding more pressure.

So you can see how I was stuck for an immediate answer to all this myself.
 
God does not want us to worry. I would suggest this man spend time in Adoration, frequent confession and much prayer. Have him turn all his worries over to God and let God deal.

This is hard to do, but if your friend is struggling to fix everything himself, then this is a pride issue. For we can do nothing without God. Nothing will work in our lives without God.

Have him turn all his problems over and let God be God. Once God grants him peace, the rest will fall into place and life will not be a struggle - or will not seem so hard.
 
This might sound cheesy, but one good thing to think may be:

This is an opportunity to trust in God.

Despair is one of the hardest things to face, but Jesus promises an Advocate, he promises the Holy Spirit.

Another prayer/hymn is the Veni Creator which is really good if said daily.

God bless, and we’ll pray for your friend.

Aaron
 
Some saint said this… I want to say a Maraget but I’m not sure… my mom quotes it all the time: We wear two crowns: a crown of thorns and a crown of glory; one in this life and one in the next. Or something like that… gosh, I can’t remember (sorry).
 
I, too, struggle with the sin of despair and self-pity. I understand how your friend feels, and yet it is often pointed out to me that it is only through suffering that I can be truly united with Christ. Some of our holier saints WELCOMED trials and tribulations as chances to help experience the sufferings of Our Savior.

On the other hand, you have good ol’ St. Theresa of Avila reminding God that He would have more friends if He would treat better those He all ready has!

You can offer your friend prayers. You can do little things like invite he and his wife over for a simple dinner and a movie on a Saturday night. You can listen, and you can be a good Catholic friend to a strugging family.

You are in my prayers too.
 
…we really were put on this earth to do a certain amount of suffering… that really is life… it’s not a bed of roses… why some seem to have it (in our opinions) a little or lot worse than others, beats me… but for every tradgety that someone has i can find you 10 that have it worse…

long winded way of saying i don’t know… the trick to life is to not let it get you down… and you will get down from time to time… but you have to keep fighting the fight, keep running the race… keep on keeping the faith…

…paradise is on the other side… stay the course… 1000 points of light…err… that’s another speech…

Peace

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Disappointment comes from expectations not being met.

Running a small business is a lot more work than working for somebody else.

Even when you work for someone else, I can’t picture any scenario where life is not a struggle in one area or another.

Like SpaceGhost, gosh, when I start feeling bogged down, I look at what I’m bogged down with and compare it to what a family in a more desparate setting is bogged down with and I can’t help but feel grateful for the particular worries I have.

This friend of yours needs to pray for the ability to ‘let go’…to truly let go. It’s soooooo hard, but Eucharistic Adoration helps. Write down a list of all the worries weighing down on him, present it at the foot of the adoration table and relax…pray…listen…be silent inside and out (meaning stop the rapid thoughts running through his mind). At the end of the hour, take that list…when he leaves the chapel…burn it and let the ashes rise to the heavens where the worries belong.

Then he needs to change his expectations. Instead of longing for a time when life won’t be so much of a struggle and will run smoothly, look forward to having the courage and fortitude to face all the struggles which are bound to come his way, as struggle is an essential part of being alive.

When one expects the struggles, ready to face them, and they come - there is reward in meeting the challenge. When the struggles don’t come - then, wow, it’s really noticeable. Pretty soon, he’ll find more often than not, he was bracing for a fight but it didn’t come (or if it did, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be).

Give credit where credit is due - acknowledge each morning that the Spirit will be with him throughout the day and at the end of the evening, thank the Spirit for keeping him strong one more day.
 
Life is never a straight line. I remember a Catholic Sister drawing lines on the blackboard that went up and down and saying that life has it’s ups and downs. When things go well, we enjoy our faith. When things go badly, we practice our faith.
 
Thanks for all the replies.

To respond to one of the comments made I think part of the problem is that he had this lifelong dream that he worked all his life to get to. College, part time and exta jobs overnight, working extra, and always sacrificing so he could provide a better life for his family than what he had as a kid. All this (and probably more I don’t know about) only to discover that that one dream is not all what it is supposed to be cracked up to be. I guess I would feel a little down myself but as mentioned maybe this is God’s way of steering him or strengthening him?

Thanks for the replies.
 
I have a bit of advice that you may be able to give your friend. I, too, own my own business…I work from home (bookkeeping) and my husband is “physically” at the business more than I am. Our business is sucessful, but to be honest, whether the business is sucessful or not, there is a stress present at all times.

I can relate with your friend in that our “dream” is not all it was cracked up to be. We had great expectations, thought since we had worked in the “real world” before starting our own business that we would be excellent employers, etc. only to have employees take a mile when giving them only an inch. Also, the hours that you work when you own your own business is far more than punching the clock for someone else.

Tell you friend that he really must hang in there. Yes, it’s hard, but really there will be some results someday. Most of all you need to tell your friend to communicate with his wife. My husband and I have alot of problems due to our business…honestly. Your friend may be working TOO MUCH, thus draining himself and his marriage. Tell him to talk to his wife about his concerns. Her stress from her job and his stress from a business that he is working himself to a bone in, can really cause marriage problems. Make sure that you don’t get in the middle.
 
Just to update, (and thanks for all the replies) my friend is doing better as far as dealing with everything but to be truthful still struggling with financial and family matters as a result. I had a chance to talk with him for quite a while and the whole notion of suffering came up and some of which was mentioned on this thread. Why suffering for those who love God? I admit that I couldn’t help answer all his questions but his story got me thinking on my own.

I won’t post the whole story but having known this man for some time it would seem even to me that his life has been one long constant series of bad breaks and mishaps starting in childhood? I know and agree that life certainly has ups and downns and it’s true there are always others with worse problems but even I had to admit that this guy seems to be riding the crest of the wave of misfortune for most of his life? Does God want us to suffer…of course not but does he want us to be prosperous? I couldn’t answer that for my friend?
 
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