J
Joybearer
Guest
Forgive me but I am going to say that this post will be done with a negative tone because being sick and tired of this life is an understatement. I wouldn’t speak of the experience of others but for 32 years of my life, I have been bullied and have things consistently being taken away from me. I have just used a huge chunk of profanities on God these past couple of days which I never had no matter how difficult it was. Now that’s done, I’m hoping there can be some sort of answers around here.
I have tried being optimistic and hopeful and was let down at every turn for decades, money, things and friends being taken away and even after I thought that nothing more could be taken, God will find new ways to take more and more. Whenever I ask anyone of the absence of God or the deliberate suffering He is causing in my life with no respite, there are always the same old answers. “Be grateful for what you have”, “God can see around the corner and will give you what you need.”, “Everything will be fine in the end”, and more recently, after talking to a Franciscan Sister in a series of counselling session, everything seems to be my fault and that God is absolved of everything that I cannot even point a finger at Him. She kept asking questions to whether I had put in enough effort and thought into the things that I do and what pissed me off the most was that I could honestly and confidently say that everything that I could do in my power, I did, and literally left the rest to God. I still had a little hope that there might be some faults that I may had overlooked. There are so much uncertainty in life and every single time it turns out badly no matter how much effort and thought I put in. And if I don’t it turns out negatively as well in case some new age quasi-protestant here starts saying that I should let God do all the work.
This is absolutely sickening. I have just returned from atheism not too long ago, but I cannot fathom and ever-loving dad showing such “meanness” or at the very least, nonchalance. I wouldn’t be backsliding into atheism again but I certainly will not be having any good things to say about God. And if an opportunity presents itself to benefit myself through sin, causing maximum offence to God, guess what I will do?
If you look at this post and see it as a child’s rant, your life has been too good and you should have a share of my suffering. See if you can make it redemptive. It’s easy to believe in an omnibenevolent god if your life is good and everything(most) is beautiful.
If I can confirm the non-existence of this deity, or one day am convinced as such, I will not hesitate to end it all right then and there. I did not ask to be born and have no interest in taking up this trash of a life where everything is practically fecal matter. I am not Job and I don’t care when You had created the mighty hippo or the ferocious croc. I didn’t even have the riches of Job in the beginning and I’m not even asking for immense riches, just a break.
I have tried being optimistic and hopeful and was let down at every turn for decades, money, things and friends being taken away and even after I thought that nothing more could be taken, God will find new ways to take more and more. Whenever I ask anyone of the absence of God or the deliberate suffering He is causing in my life with no respite, there are always the same old answers. “Be grateful for what you have”, “God can see around the corner and will give you what you need.”, “Everything will be fine in the end”, and more recently, after talking to a Franciscan Sister in a series of counselling session, everything seems to be my fault and that God is absolved of everything that I cannot even point a finger at Him. She kept asking questions to whether I had put in enough effort and thought into the things that I do and what pissed me off the most was that I could honestly and confidently say that everything that I could do in my power, I did, and literally left the rest to God. I still had a little hope that there might be some faults that I may had overlooked. There are so much uncertainty in life and every single time it turns out badly no matter how much effort and thought I put in. And if I don’t it turns out negatively as well in case some new age quasi-protestant here starts saying that I should let God do all the work.
This is absolutely sickening. I have just returned from atheism not too long ago, but I cannot fathom and ever-loving dad showing such “meanness” or at the very least, nonchalance. I wouldn’t be backsliding into atheism again but I certainly will not be having any good things to say about God. And if an opportunity presents itself to benefit myself through sin, causing maximum offence to God, guess what I will do?
If you look at this post and see it as a child’s rant, your life has been too good and you should have a share of my suffering. See if you can make it redemptive. It’s easy to believe in an omnibenevolent god if your life is good and everything(most) is beautiful.
If I can confirm the non-existence of this deity, or one day am convinced as such, I will not hesitate to end it all right then and there. I did not ask to be born and have no interest in taking up this trash of a life where everything is practically fecal matter. I am not Job and I don’t care when You had created the mighty hippo or the ferocious croc. I didn’t even have the riches of Job in the beginning and I’m not even asking for immense riches, just a break.
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