Why is this a sin against charity?

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Lucy_1

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I was doing this examination of conscience today, getting ready for confession this evening. I came across this:
Is there someone that I consciously avoid because I dislike the person?
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I am certainly guilty of this on Facebook and in real life. I would think it would be a good thing to avoid someone you don’t like or someone who doesn’t like you. Can someone explain why this is a sin?
 
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Lucy_1 said:
I am certainly guilty of this on Facebook and in real life. I would think it would be a good thing to avoid someone you don’t like or someone who doesn’t like you. Can someone explain why this is a sin?
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I assume it would be referring to a situation in which you have a duty to do something but don’t because of personal dislike. Like, a nurse is supposed to check on 10 patients, but skips patient number 6 because he’s annoying.
 
If you read the other questions in that examination, not everything listed is necessarily sinful. The questions are to make you think.
For example, there’s a question, “Have I written any letters today?”
It might or might not be a sin to write or not write a letter. You’re supposed to think about the question.

Likewise it might or might not be a sin to avoid someone you don’t like. You should think whether you do this and why, and if you have some duty towards them or whether yourr dislike might not be well founded.
 
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I see. Yeah, I realized there was a greater principle referred to in the one about letters. Thanks for the clarification.
 
Did Jesus ever avoid people because they did not like Him?

Social Media is a new form of town square where we can let our light shine and we can be a beacon of love.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Social Media is a new form of town square where we can let our light shine and we can be a beacon of love.
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Guess I’m keeping mine under a bushel. 😉
No use of social media, lots of social distancing though.
Dominus vobiscum
 
RolandThompsonGunner said:
I assume it would be referring to a situation in which you have a duty to do something but don’t because of personal dislike. Like, a nurse is supposed to check on 10 patients, but skips patient number 6 because he’s annoying.
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so I guess avoiding contact with friends who were a negative influence in your life is fine? Afterall I owe no duty to them.
 
Proverbs 3: 7

Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

Some people seem to think that there is a moral obligation to accept and interact with EVERYONE.

This is contrary to Biblical teaching which speaks of “the wicked,” “ungodly,” “profane,” “idolaters,” “scoffers,” “harlots,” “wolves in sheep’s clothing,” and the like. Contact with such people can harm us SPIRITUALLY or physically or damage our reputation or safety. This is a problem with social media, online dating, etc., where a democratic, false, notion of a priori goodness is marketed by corporations for profit. This wrongly promotes “being wise in our own eyes,” and we have all seen or heard of instances of predators ensnaring naive victims online.

I use my gut instinct (THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH) to discern whom to befriend or to avoid. This is called “spiritual discernment,” not sin.
 
Lucy_1 said:
Is there someone that I consciously avoid because I dislike the person?
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First, thank you for sharing this examination of conscience!

Second, reasons consciously avoiding someone you dislike are sins against charity can be more evident considering why are you consciously avoiding them.

Consider the example of avoiding someone because one is concerned about reacting in an immoral way. In this example, a sin is that one has a false god because with God, no one has the ability to react immorally.
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This is my problem with my sister. I feel guilty for only having a “gift at birthday and Christmas” relationship, but too many betrayals for me to trust. And there can’t really be a relationship without trust.
 
I knew them before. We used to be friends. But the friendship led me to all sorts of evils. Now I avoid them. we are no longer friends or even acquaintances.
 
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Examinations of conscience are not infallible. I think the author made a mistake. That does NOT sound like a sin to me. There is nothing inherently sinful bout avoiding folks you don’t especially like. If certain qualifiers would make it sinful (ie, you have a duty to serve that person, for example) the examination should say so. I personally would disregard this one. Hopefully the rest of the items on your exams are written with less scrupulousity.
 
Jen7 said:
Examinations of conscience are not infallible. I think the author made a mistake.
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I don’t think Fr. Hardon made a mistake; more likely I think his particular examination of conscience is designed for experienced Catholics with a more developed conscience. He was a Jesuit and their “examens” are often designed in a more creative or more open-ended way to get a person to think and gain new insights. It isn’t your standard “check the box, did I do sin A, B or C” examination of conscience. Most of Fr. Hardon’s writings assume the reader has a strong basic catechesis to start with.

I get the feeling that a few people posting here are still developing their consciences and are really not sure whether avoiding someone is a sin. I myself am generally able to figure out whether there’s an issue with me avoiding someone.

For example, it’s likely sinful to avoid person A if
  • you have a duty to them that you’re not fulfilling - for example, you were supposed to do some yard work for A but you don’t want to, so you avoid A.
  • you are afraid of losing social status by associating with A because they’re poor, or a different race, or have a disability, or others make fun of them, etc
  • you did A some past wrong and you don’t want to apologize
It’s likely NOT sinful to avoid person A if
  • person A abused or bullied you or was toxic in the past and you’re avoiding them to get past the trauma and avoid future harm
  • person A and yourself just do not get along and you’re avoiding them to minimize conflict (I note that forum moderators will often tell two posters who repeatedly get into arguments to avoid interacting on the forum)
  • person A led you into sin, or alternatively you led person A into sin, and therefore you’re not good companions for each other (I note that parents will often tell their children to stay away from a bad companion, and priests will often tell penitents to avoid a person who is repeatedly causing them to sin)
Additionally, sometimes two people end up not interacting much because they just don’t have much in common. There isn’ t some minimum level of interaction people need to have.
 
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Lucy_1 said:
I was doing this examination of conscience today, getting ready for confession this evening. I came across this:
Is there someone that I consciously avoid because I dislike the person?
Click to expand...
Unless you avoid them out of malice towards them, I can’t see how this is a sin. Sometimes there are people you have to avoid. Being around them, and finding that they provoke you (intentionally or not), could be an occasion of sin in itself, and if you can avoid it, you should. And then there are people who antagonize you. Of course you can, and should, stay away from these people if you can.
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It think that it depends on the relationship you have with the person. Example: If you have a “friend” or family member who consistently sets out to harm you mentally, it is best to love that person from afar. You can pray for that person’s well being and for the hurt that has been inflicted upon you. If you are praying for an offender, if you happen to run into him/her, those prayers will prepare the way for you. I hope that this helps.
 
HomeschoolDad said:
Sometimes there are people you have to avoid. Being around them, and finding that they provoke you (intentionally or not), could be an occasion of sin in itself, and if you can avoid it, you should. And then there are people who antagonize you . Of course you can, and should, stay away from these people if you can.
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This ^^^
My mother was horrible to me growing up and inflicted a great deal of damage, damage I’m still working through. She is still this way and I limit our interactions to a few times a year, thereby not putting myself or my children into situations wherein we are treated poorly. I do not hate my mother but I have no pleasant memories and feel no warmth towards her. The commandment to honour your father and mother was somewhat confusing to me in that for a long time I did not know what honouring my mother looked like considering how damaging our relationship is to me. But I have learned that I honour her more by limiting our interactions. In doing so, not only do I remain distanced enough to understand the dynamic without emotion, but I don’t give her ammunition to use against me.

The question is a good one, in that it takes us deeper into ourselves and allows us the opportunity to become increasingly more like Jesus, which is the ultimate goal.
 
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