Why People are REALLY Leaving the Church--It's Not What You Think

[St_Francis]

This article briefly presents a goid argument that children whose parents divorce have a hard time with church–they go erratically and there is no stable foundation on or from which to construct understandings.

 

[7_Sorrows]

My parents were not divorced, but were not happily married either. They were from different religious backgrounds and joined a 3rd church to raise my sister and I in and my parents seldom attended church so I feel I did not have a strong foundation growing up and when it came time for confirnation I had hardly been to church in 4 years and I was scared, intimidated and overwhelmed by the whole confirmation thing. For one, I wanted to be Catholic and I didn’t really want to be confirmed in the episcopal church. So although I didn’t read your link I can believe it.

 

[Cake_or_Death]

I don’t think I really can agree with this, perhaps it may be true of an American context but over here in Ireland I think it’s far off the mark. We do still have a church attendance higher than most western countries but the overall population going to mass has nosedived.

Many Catholics who have left the church have married parents and themselves often don’t divorce as much as elsewhere when they do marry. I firmly believe it’s nothing to do with the setup of the home, and more how the Church itself behaves and what it actually teaches to an equal degree.

I think Christian denominations of all stripes need to stop blaming non-believers and wider society for people leaving and look deeper within. The early church found a continual supply of membership and faced far more trying conditions than we do, you’ve got to compete with gay couples wanting to get hitched, they had to deal with Roman emperors with God-complexes looking to chuck them to the lions.

Divorce is not a new innovation, the early church had no problem dealing with it. Classical culture was highly sexualized, the problem isn’t there today either. It’s inside, not outside.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

I read another poll that suggests that the numbers of Catholics in the West are steady, not growing, remain the same.

You can find polls to paint any picture.

In other parts of the world, Catholicism and christians in general are growing very fast especially in China where millions are converting. Even under extreme oppression which forces them underground at times.

ft.com/cms/s/2/a6d2a690-6545-11e4-91b1-00144feabdc0.html

 

[7_Sorrows]

I read another poll that suggests that the numbers of Catholics in the West are steady, not growing, remain the same.

You can find polls to paint any picture.

In other parts of the world, Catholicism and christians in general are growing very fast especially in China where millions are converting. Even under extreme oppression which forces them underground at times.

ft.com/cms/s/2/a6d2a690-6545-11e4-91b1-00144feabdc0.html

I agree. You can find a poll to give any result you want.

 

[Antegin]

Our family was broken by divorce. Four of us remained faithful, one became a new age whatever and the other was a wiccan but became a modern druid. He calls himself a pagan. For those of us who stayed faithful, the Church was the only stability we had after the divorce. The two who chose faith practices diametrically opposed to Catholic teaching are rebelling. I don’t know what they are rebelling against, but they kept just enough Catholicism to remember that Satan’s a bad@$$ and they stayed away from devil worship.

 

[utah_rose]

All three of us kids are either boomers, or as for me a pre boomer by three years. Our parents were devout Catholics and we attended Catholic elementary schools and high schools. Of us 3, I am I hope a devout Catholic, my brother so so, but my sister has left the Church. Both of my nieces has left as my daughter. I was away from the Church for about 25 years, during the 80s and 90s. It wasn’t because I didn’t believe in God or the Church but because there were so many liturgical excesses, such as banners, dancing, etc. I couldn’t reconcile myself with that together with laziness. I finally came back in 2004 when things were a little better by the grace of God.

However, my sister who at one time wanted to be a nun, became a feminist, and married outside the church. Our children didn’t get the catechezation they deserved. If I could do it again, I would have taught her religion at home and tried to find another Catholic Church that wasn’t so extreme in their liturgy. I think that people got confused and left for various reasons, and you can’t pin it down to one thing. I do know though through various Catholics I’ve met, a lot of us older Catholics are returning to the Church, maybe by prayers that were said by our parents. So, I’m praying and hoping our lost sheep return home, especially family members.

 

[Cider]

Pargament (who has won major professional awards from both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association for the quality of his research) similarly argues that **the source of spiritual ambivalence is not a victory of reason over religion, but rather the result of the too-early failure of the ability of children to idealize parental figures. ** All children come to realize that their parents are imperfect at some point–that’s a normal and healthy part of growing up– but if this happens too early, the people who are primarily responsible for helping children make meaning out of their lives lose their credibility. When parents behave like children themselves, or get caught up in divorce drama, or post-divorce dating relationships, children often feel that they are left to sort things out for themselves. Children of divorce come to believe that they are the only ones who are qualified to find meaning, purpose and direction in their lives and they come to distrust any external source that wants to help them in this role (i.e., churches).

I think this is pretty accurate, at least from my own perspective as a child of divorced parents. I did grow up rarely going to church and when I did go it was either my paternal grandmother who took me ( but she lived a few hours away so I didn’t see her all the time) or I’d go with friends. I’m not aware of my parents, or my mother and stepfather ever going to church.

My husband on the other hand was raised by his adopted parents, and was taken to shul for shabbos every Friday and Saturday and every holiday and his father went to shul nearly every day to pray with the minyon. Even though my husband is now Catholic his Jewish upbringing is still strong in his heart. He still prays the Jewish prayers he learned as a child.

Me, I wanted faith even as a child. I bought my first bible with green stamps in elementary school but the secular Christianity ( Christmas and Easter holidays but no God or Jesus) left a bad taste in my mouth growing up. Faith was hard for me as I didn’t know what to believe was really true as far as religion and even though I am Catholic now I still struggle with it.

I always attributed it to not being raised in a faith, but this article makes me think it’s much more than that.

Lots to ponder.

 

[paulrxp]

I’m sceptical about that theory. I’ve run across many fallen away Catholics where divorce never happened, the kids went to Catholic schools, life was pretty comfortable and simple in the suburbs. From brief conversations I’ve had with numerous Catholic friends that have fallen away, what I know for sure is that 9 out of 10 of them did not know the faith. They would not be able to tell you how many Gospels there were in the New Testament, nor would they be able to tell you how many sacraments there are. They could not articulate or understand why the Church teaches what it does. Yes, the Church teaches abortion is sinful, but why? What’s the big picture? What’s the spiritual reason, not the political one why the Church has always been against it?
What they will be able to tell you is why they oppose Church teachings that do not conform to their beliefs on social issues.

You cannot truly believe in something, unless you at least make an effort to understand it. In Catholicism that almost always involves sacrifice, because there are so many lessons, truths, and mystery that will always test your faith. For many faithful Catholics, this sacrifice is not a burden. Often times it’s humbling and it keeps life in its proper perspective.

What will bring people back to the faith? Not sure if I have the answer for that. We know Catholicism and Christianity is flourishing in parts of the world. These areas with strong devotion to God endure some of the most intense suffering. I don’t think this is coincidental. I don’t wish suffering on any culture, but if that suffering brings people back to almighty God, then it’s not really suffering, just some tough love.

 

[St_Francis]

I don’t think I really can agree with this, perhaps it may be true of an American context but over here in Ireland I think it’s far off the mark. We do still have a church attendance higher than most western countries but the overall population going to mass has nosedived.

Many Catholics who have left the church have married parents and themselves often don’t divorce as much as elsewhere when they do marry. I firmly believe it’s nothing to do with the setup of the home, and more how the Church itself behaves and what it actually teaches to an equal degree.

I think Christian denominations of all stripes need to stop blaming non-believers and wider society for people leaving and look deeper within. The early church found a continual supply of membership and faced far more trying conditions than we do, you’ve got to compete with gay couples wanting to get hitched, they had to deal with Roman emperors with God-complexes looking to chuck them to the lions.

It seems that the “underdogs” are more likely to attract young people than are the long-established groups.

Divorce is not a new innovation, the early church had no problem dealing with it. Classical culture was highly sexualized, the problem isn’t there today either. It’s inside, not outside.

Additionally, the first massive wave or departures were those who grew up in a time when divorce was still frowned upon and rare.

 

[Deus_tecum]

I don’t know why but I hate statements such as “It’s not what you think.” when the speaker or writer hasn’t even asked people what they think.

 

[mgn2010]

In reference to op’s comment that many don’t know their faith. Blessed Bishop Sheen had a remark (not quoting verbatim)…“Ninety-five percent of non-Catholics don’t disagree with what the Church teaches, but disagree with what they THINK the Church teaches!” When speaking with fallen away Catholics…you often hear this ringing in your ears!

 

[truetofaith]

In reference to op’s comment that many don’t know their faith. Blessed Bishop Sheen had a remark (not quoting verbatim)…“Ninety-five percent of non-Catholics don’t disagree with what the Church teaches, but disagree with what they THINK the Church teaches!” When speaking with fallen away Catholics…you often hear this ringing in your ears!

 

[Clover3N1]

Did you ever notice that the Churches who continue to grow are those whose priests actually preach the Religion? They not only tell you, from the pulpit, that abortion and birth control are wrong, but also the reasoning behind the subject matter. They teach why you can’t vote for someone who does not support the sanctity of marriage, or the value of all human life. They use the pulpit to instruct and make understood why only Catholicism can be the genuine Christian Church, and how it is a “seamless garment.” They are usually available to answer your questions, and they consider this their life’s work.

The problem is, well, this can only happen if his bishop agrees. If the bishop tells his diocese not to make waves, or to never speak of Hell because it will “scare” the congregants, then the Religion is watered down; the message lost. This gives the idea to the congregation that what is accepted by society MUST be accepted by the Church.

There are now more than 41,000 Christian religions. Christ did not come to us “to write a book,” He came to found His one, true Church-the Catholic Church. Pray for our bishops. The purity of Catholicism can stand in its own. Preach the faith, and they will come…

 

[Cake_or_Death]

It seems that the “underdogs” are more likely to attract young people than are the long-established groups.

Very true, the Evangelical movements in the US and South America are picking up a lot of conservative minded former Catholics.

There are some rather odd exceptions though; I know in Ireland two groups that are making rather remarkable gains in membership are the Orthodox Church Outside Russia and the Coptic Patriarchate. The former could be immigrants from eastern Europe, but the latter really doesn’t seem very likely. I can’t actually explain it as of yet.

Additionally, the first massive wave or departures were those who grew up in a time when divorce was still frowned upon and rare.

Very true, and it’s still the case in some countries like Ireland, Argentina etc. Low church attendance, but also a low divorce rate.

 

[catholic74]

This article describes my childhood pretty accurately. My parents divorced when I was six and my mother re-married very soon after the divorce. I grew up without going to church and I remember yearning to know more about God. As a teenager and college student, I decided to take it upon myself to learn more about God and figure out which church to attend and like the article said, I never asked my parents for help because I thought “What do they know” and they didn’t seem interested In my quest to find religion. I discovered that I come from a long line of Catholics who came to this country from Eastern Europe and that my father simply stopped practicing his faith before I was born. It felt good to find something that was meant to be mine all along, something that I felt was missing and today I take my children to Mass regularly and catechize them at home with traditional materials. I feel good that they are not exposed to divorce and all the trauma that it brings and I am glad that they will grow up knowing God. They ask me questions about God all the time. I love those conversations. I sure have come a long way from my days of confusion and sadness!

 

[Tigg]

I think this article has some merit because the Church calls the family the “domestic church” but my own experience at a young age, would belie this and although I did not come from a broken family, my childhood was far from the norm and actually quite erratic. My relatives were unbelievers and I remained unbaptized until I became a Catholic at the age of 14 by my own choosing.

The point is, God really does not leave children alone. His Spirit calls to them often times at a young age. I knew in my heart of hearts, without any religious formation at all from the time I was 8 years old that there was Someone watching over me. Although I did not know who this “Jesus” was if I happened to hear His name from an unlikely source, nonetheless He planted the little seed of faith in my heart and led me to baptism in the Church a few years later. When I entered a Catholic church for the very first time by myself and saw the tabernacle, I was utterly convinced there was something extraordinary in that “box” up there. It was the Lord who did this and none other, and He did it despite the circumstances in my life that could easily have led me far away from any religious influence. I’ve heard similar stories from those in catechism classes when they were asked to share how it was they knew God was real. Ask a child sometime about God - some of their stories will give you goose bumps.

Also, in contrast to the article how does one explain a family we know well, with 6 children, all of whom were raised in a devout loving Catholic family, attending Catholic school their entire life, and **not **one of the six are practicing Catholics today? Perhaps it was too much religion and not enough faith?

 

[paulrxp]

Statistics and numbers always vary from one study to another, so naturally opinions will as well.

http://www.adherents.com/largecom/images/denom_divorce.jpg

The top Non-Denomination includes evangelicals. Many studies have shown decline in the mainline churches, while slight increase in the evangelical ones. If divorce really had something to do with losing the faith it hasn’t hit the evangelicals like it has with other Christians. The top group is broad so perhaps that’s why the rate is highest.

The numbers based on race, seems to be a lot more telling. Why this is so has to be studied . Not sure religion stats alone on divorce, specifically divorce among Christians can arrive at conclusions as to whether divorce is the actual cause or effect of one losing their faith.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[Deus_tecum]

When a country that is majority Catholic votes for same sex marriage, I could see why some people would become dis-enamored with Catholicism. (see Ireland). I know the Church is against it, but who wants to attend Mass and other functions with people who do not believe what the Church teaches?

 

[paulrxp]

When a country that is majority Catholic votes for same sex marriage, I could see why some people would become dis-enamored with Catholicism. (see Ireland). I know the Church is against it, but who wants to attend Mass and other functions with people who do not believe what the Church teaches?

Perhaps we have to redefine what a Catholic country is, like the proponents of same sex marriage have redefined marriage. Not much different than being Catholic by name, but rejecting all things Mother Church teaches. You can at least be assured that the SSM ceremonies will never be performed in the Church. That’s not the case with other Christians who’ll have to endure, and even be forced to conduct them.