Why would God want me to be infertile?

[Carm01]

I am 30-years-old, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 3 years, and I am anxiously awaiting an appointment at the Pope Paul VI Institute in August. So far, no one knows what is causing my infertility.

My question has to do with reconciling my infertility with my faith. It just seems so odd that God would create people who can’t procreate, when we are told over and over that it is such an important part of who we are. I have been very angry at God lately, and I know I shouldn’t be. While I can’t understand why God wouldn’t want to heal me, I know he must have his reasons (although that is difficult to accept).

But more importantly, I can’t understand why God won’t at least help me to be at peace with my infertility. Most of the time I feel that, despite prayer, God has abandoned me in my suffering. The pain is just so bad. Is there anything I can I tell myself when I start to get angry and frustrated with God? Any theology I can hold onto when I get depressed? (I once asked a priest for advice and he said he had no idea, and that it was among one of the first questions he’d like to ask God. I appreciated his honesty, but I’m hoping you can give me more to hold onto.)

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

We do not know why God allows some who desperately want children to be barren while others who do not want children seem to have no trouble getting pregnant. That is a question to take with us into eternity. But in the meantime, you can find solace in the cross of Christ. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

The gospel shows that physical sterility is not an absolute evil. Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children or performing demanding services for others (CCC 2379).

I hope and pray that there is legitimate medical intervention available that will assist you and your husband in having children. But if, God forbid, there is not, remember that you and your husband can become parents (natural or spiritual) in other legitimate ways, some of which include adoption, foster care, youth mentorship, coaching, or teaching.

When the cross God has given you to carry seems to be getting too heavy, remember this meditation by St. Francis De Sales:

The everlasting God has in his wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that he now presents to you as a gift from his inmost heart. This cross he now sends you he has considered with his all-knowing eyes, understood with his divine mind, tested with his wise justice, warmed with loving arms, and weighed with his own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. He has blessed it with his holy name, anointed it with his consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God.

Recommended reading:

Catholic Infertility
Babies Deserve Better by Jameson and Jennifer Taylor (sidebar 1, sidebar 2, sidebar 3)