Widower planning on marrying a divorced woman

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Hirgy03

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Hello: I hope I don’t get attacked on here for living what purists would call a morally depraved life…and yes, I’ve basically heard this from some.

A little background. I am 42 years old. just about 9 years ago now, my first wife died from cancer (she was 31). We were both Catholic, very happy together and “did things right”, if you will.

The odd thing is, during her final days I was witness to some things that made me much stronger in my belief that God, Jesus, Angels…that all those things most believe in strictly “on faith” are real. In fact, without trying to sound crazy, I believe that i actually witnessed those very things “through her eyes” if you will. Its the best and shortest way I know how to explain what I saw and felt.

Anyway, I have now been dating a woman that I’ve fallen in love with. We began dating about 2.5 years ago. She had just completed a divorce from her husband of 17 years. They were married in an LDS church, for what its worth.

Last October, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. We are now planning a tip to Italy either late next year, or early in 2015. We hope to be married there, perhaps some small church in a small Italian countryside village.

Here is my question. Will I be able to be married in the Catholic Church, or does the fact that we already live together, and that she is divorced from an LDS marriage deny us the capability of being married in The Church?

Thank you for any feedback. Please do not use your responses to explain to me ad nauseum that I’m morally bankrupt for being with her…I’ve dealt with that on a similar forum before. I just want to know if The Church is going to tell us to go get lost.🤷
 
Please make an appointment to talk to your pastor.

Regarding cohabitation, that would be discussed with the pastor.

Regarding her prior bond, yes that is an impediment to valid marriage. There are several avenues that you and she might pursue. Decree of nullity or a dissolution of the bond under the Pauline or Petrine Privilege.

Please do not pursue a civil marriage with her. Pursue a Church marriage only if she is declared free to marry. Otherwise you will place yourself outside the sacraments and in a state of adultery.

So, bottom line, do not make plans until you have talked to your pastor. It all starts there.

Why, pray tell, are you unwilling to live according to the laws of God (i.e. no cohabitation and fornication)?
 
I don’t think the Catholic Church recognizes LDS marraiges as valid marriages. I know that they (LDS) don’t have valid Baptism. If it is true that her previous marriage was not valid, you should be free to marry her.
 
Why do you even want to get married in the Catholic Church? Please don’t think I want to attack you for living a “morally depraved life”, but if you know that what you’re doing is (probably) wrong according to the Church, why do you still want to proceed with this marriage through the Church?

Anyway, as 1ke suggests, talk to your pastor. That’s the first step.
 
Ok, I know you weren’t really asking for this but I feel like I need to put it out there. My now husband was previously married, and the whole annulment processes was awful. But honestly I think it was a process that, in the end, helped him come to terms about his first(now annulled) marriage. Something I didn’t know about, in my naivety, being that I was not previously married. Also, if you have children, remember I don’t care how old you are, your children look to your example. Please, I beg you, don’t add to our culture of lax Catholics. I’ll be praying for you.
 
If both she and her former spouse were lifelong LDS (neither had a valid baptism) and she now seeks to convert to Catholicism, this may be an instance where the Pauline privilege could be invoked. Talk to a priest! (And get your own place to live.)
 
Hirgy03 said:
The odd thing is, during her final days I was witness to some things that made me much stronger in my belief that God, Jesus, Angels…that all those things most believe in strictly “on faith” are real. In fact, without trying to sound crazy, I believe that i actually witnessed those very things “through her eyes” if you will. Its the best and shortest way I know how to explain what I saw and felt.
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As much as you don’t want a criticism for as you put it ‘being morally depraved’, If you are going to tell me about all the beautiful gifts God has given you, yes I am going to speak up for Jesus and say my heart weeps that he died on the cross.

What I would not give to see everything that I need faith to believe is actually real. I can not imagine ever having a bad day after witnessing the things you were privileged to see. It hurts to think He gave you His gifts and after you turned on Him

Angie
 
underacloud said:
Why do you even want to get married in the Catholic Church? Please don’t think I want to attack you for living a “morally depraved life”, but if you know that what you’re doing is (probably) wrong according to the Church, why do you still want to proceed with this marriage through the Church?

Anyway, as 1ke suggests, talk to your pastor. That’s the first step.
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I was raised Catholic, and my whole family is Catholic. I believe that the Catholic church has it more ‘right’ than other organized churches. However, that doesn’t mean that I am in 100% agreement with the Church either. I think that a person’s individual relationship with God is a lot more important than their relationship with their church. However, the Church means a lot to me as well. Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
 
Hirgy03 said:
That opens up a whole other line of questions regarding the Bible.
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With all due respect, if you are going to ask questions on a Catholic forum, you should expect to receive Catholic answers. It appears you are here to contradict the religion and my questions is ‘Don’t you have better things to do with your time?’ There are tons of places you can go if you want people to encourage you in your contradictions
 
Anglewannabe said:
With all due respect, if you are going to ask questions on a Catholic forum, you should expect to receive Catholic answers. It appears you are here to contradict the religion and my questions is ‘Don’t you have better things to do with your time?’ There are tons of places you can go if you want people to encourage you in your contradictions
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And with all due respect, I simply mean that I have questions there too. However, I don’t feel this is the proper forum to go into that. As far as other things go, you seem to be set in your ways, and see things in complete black and white. I don’t see things that way, but I’m not here to argue with people about that. I’m further not asking for others to “encourage me in my contradictions” either. But if I’m not allowed to question, then I feel that there is no “learning”. You have already made up your mind about me, so I don’t think there is any need for you to continue reading my posts, quite frankly. I wish you no ill will, and wish you the best.
 
So, hopefully you will take the advice to set up a meeting with your pastor and your intended so that you two can begin the process of determining her freedom to marry.
 
1ke said:
So, hopefully you will take the advice to set up a meeting with your pastor and your intended so that you two can begin the process of determining her freedom to marry.
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Yes, 1Ke, we are going to set up a meeting with the priest. I asked her last night if she would be willing to discuss with him, and she was absolutely fine with it.
 
Hirgy03 said:
I was raised Catholic, and my whole family is Catholic. I believe that the Catholic church has it more ‘right’ than other organized churches. However, that doesn’t mean that I am in 100% agreement with the Church either. I think that a person’s individual relationship with God is a lot more important than their relationship with their church. However, the Church means a lot to me as well. Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
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Sorry but I still don’t get it. You have a good relationship with Jesus but you have a so-so relationship with His Bride?

that just sounds odd and I am questioning this entire thing.

For heavens sake, get her marriage annuled and then get married in the Church. Why go to Italy and get married is a ‘little church somewhere’ if it really doesn’t mean much to you anyway? And if it does, then show some respect for the guy you say you have a close relationship with and do it the way his Bride wants.
 
assuming she is made free to marry in the Church, if your ‘disagreements’ with the Church extend to the meaning and duties of spouses in a sacramental marriage, in the end it may be you who bring impediments to the marriage.
 
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