Wife accuses me of cheating

[Serap]

I am completely confused how to think when about every 3 months randomly my wife will accuse me of having an affair. I have Never been unfaithful I live in 100% with catholic teaching even if I had an in pure thought I would go to confession before receiving communion. Today I got home from work early and my wife was still gone I went to a neighbors not thinking to bring my phone to talk about pheasant hunting. When she gets home with the kids she blows up saying she doesn’t know where I am and I could be having am affair. The last time she accused me it was because I bring extra clothes to work because I own a landscape company and sometimes am covered with mud and need to change on a very rainy day which is common in Seattle
I due notice that these accusations usually follow when she meets with her father who lives a life riddled with unapologetic mortal sin.
It really hurts my feelings

 

[LROH]

Keep offering it up Adamski, and keep loving your wife and family unconditionally like you have been. You I am sure, have been a great Catholic Christian witness in your community.

I’ll keep you folks in my prayers and keep up the good work.

This is the key issue. It hurts to be accused…probably hurts her to be that worried too…be gentle ask wife if these questions are due to insecurities or inattention that can be worked out in advance to avoid getting to the place where she is suspicious and worried enough to think infidelity is an issue.

reassure her, but be firm that the accusation is hurtful! let her know you’d like to avoid revisiting this hurt in the future. Ask her why she is concerned that infidelity is an issue? You need to feel trusted and valued for your trustworthiness, what does she need?

 

[Aggie414]

It’s not much consolation to say that although you are the person being assaulted with these accusations, it isn’t really about you, but about her.
It concerns her insecurity, and as you comment that her attacks are related to visits with her father, then it is possibly due to the less than healthy childhood that she may have endured. She may have trust issues relating to her father in childhood, and these are projected upon you after a visit with him. It is difficult to overcome childhood scars, and not to project those upon people in adulthood, especially when freshly reminded by contact with her Dad…

I guess you have to protect yourself the best you can from choices that may trigger her insecurity, eg maybe you were better advised to remain at home rather than go to the neighbors soon after she has visited her father, or made sure to take the phone so that your wife doesn’t have time to brood and begin to doubt you when she can’t raise you on the phone.
Alternately, you could have left her a not or sent a text to her phone. Instead, you gave her time to worry about where you were, and what kicked in with her may have been what could be expected if her Dad disappeared without explanation or a means of contact.

I know this was only one instance, but you may need to be particularly careful of your wife’s peace of mind. Explain carefully, and if you need to take clothes in, *involve her in the decision *whether you should have a set in at work. Even if you were having an affair, there is no need for an extra set of clothes! However your wife appears to be scarred regarding trust, and you may need to take extra care. of appearances.

My prayers for your wife and you.

Warm regards,
Trishie

I respectfully disagree. While, yes, OP could be a little more conscientious of making sure he has his phone with him to totally give in to the wife’s irrational fears is not going to help the situation at all. It changes the power structure in the marriage – not meaning that one should have more power than the other; but if the OP can have no freedom at all and has to not change clothes at work because he’s filthy so that he can prove he wasn’t having an affair, to not be able to talk to a neighbor about a shared hobby because she might think he’s having an affair is going to do nothing to endear love and respect in her marriage. They need some serious couples counseling – and she might need some counseling to learn ways to handle her fear that her husband is cheating on her.

 

[apricot_yogurt]

I 'm sorry to say,OP, that I am guilty of saying similar things to my husband. In my case, it is usually a combination of stress, tiredness, worry and personal sin. That’s why I go to confession. My husband has his own struggles. He puts up with me. Love your wife. Women can be foolish. Ok.I can be foolish.