Wife insists that Catholics "worship" Mary

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Please help! Here’s my situation:

I’m 46 and cradle Portuguese-Catholic, my wife is 42, African American and fundamentalist charismatic.We’re both college educated–I have an MPA and she has a B.S.

We get along fine in many ways, and love each other.

We have six children aged 6 months ro age 14. Our two eldest are from her previous marriage and her ex-husband doesn’t support or contact them, but sends an occasional card. I work two jobs to support our family, and am the sole breadwinner.

When we married in 1996, I was a lukewarm Catholic. I agreed to attend her church with her, and went along with not baptizing our future children–after all, she already had 2 children and was raing them Protestant, though they were not “baptized” in her church.However, I never agreed to joing her church and still claimed my Catholic faith.

What a difference children make!!! As our children were born, I’ve become “on fire” for my faith. I openly attend Mass, and sometimes take the kids, but may wife doesn’t like it when I do.

She had a good Mother’s Day, but we had a discussion about “worshipping” Mary. She said that she preferred that I not attend the Mother’s Day Fatima procession, which I haven’t attended in years. I said that because I had to work, I only planned to go to regular Mass.

She said that she could not understand why Catholics “worship” Mary. I explained to her the difference between “worship” and "devotion", and that “devotion” meant the same as being devoted to the memory of a loved one or historical figure and building a monument or visiting their grave…

She exclaimed…“well, those are just excuses! Paul admonished his followers NOT to worship him, but to worship God only!” I explained that an accusation of worshipping Mary is accusing me of idolatry, a serious sin. I also expained Luke Ch. 1 again when the Angel appeared to Mary.

She said that " I’ve read Like Ch.1 many times! Your just making excuses! There’s no reason to worship Mary!" I should pray, yes, but what else can I do??
 
Looks like no matter what you say, she can’t “hear” you as she is convinced that you “worship” Mary.

Have you tried reading any of Scott Hahn’s books, like “Rome Sweet Home”? He was a Protestant minister who became Protestant, despite his wife’s total disagreement–and then, she later converted herself. Perhaps you might find encouragement from the book, and maybe some ideas on how to talk with your wife.

Are you married in the church? Forgive me if this seems intrusive, but with her being Protestant AND with an ex-husband, and your describing yourself as lukewarm when you married, I’m wondering if you are even in a valid sacramental marriage. If you aren’t, wouldn’t it be great if you took the steps needed to make your marriage so? If you were not married in church, your marriage is invalid due to defect of form right now. If you are worried about your wife making a fuss about getting an annulment from her first marriage (please reassure her that this does NOT make her children illegitimate, it has no civil consequences, she will not have to associate with her ex-husband if she does not wish, etc.), and even after the reassurance she is still unwilling, you may talk with a canon lawyer (for free) about the possibility of getting a radical sanation (he’ll explain)–a good place to ask a question would be at the Canon Law Forum on EWTN’s web site.

Having a valid, sacramental marriage, prayer, much love and reassurance and education for your dear wife (introduce her to some very devoted, sincere, well-educated and loving Catholics–there are many, many such on these forums!), will hopefully bring about the graces and, if not conversion on her part just yet, at least the grace to accept your words as truth on your part.

God bless, you are in my prayers.
 
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dnewbern:
Please help! Here’s my situation:

I’m 46 and cradle Portuguese-Catholic, my wife is 42, African American and fundamentalist charismatic.We’re both college educated–I have an MPA and she has a B.S.

We get along fine in many ways, and love each other.

We have six children aged 6 months ro age 14. Our two eldest are from her previous marriage and her ex-husband doesn’t support or contact them, but sends an occasional card. I work two jobs to support our family, and am the sole breadwinner.

When we married in 1996, I was a lukewarm Catholic. I agreed to attend her church with her, and went along with not baptizing our future children–after all, she already had 2 children and was raing them Protestant, though they were not “baptized” in her church.However, I never agreed to joing her church and still claimed my Catholic faith.

What a difference children make!!! As our children were born, I’ve become “on fire” for my faith. I openly attend Mass, and sometimes take the kids, but may wife doesn’t like it when I do.

She had a good Mother’s Day, but we had a discussion about “worshipping” Mary. She said that she preferred that I not attend the Mother’s Day Fatima procession, which I haven’t attended in years. I said that because I had to work, I only planned to go to regular Mass.

She said that she could not understand why Catholics “worship” Mary. I explained to her the difference between “worship” and "devotion", and that “devotion” meant the same as being devoted to the memory of a loved one or historical figure and building a monument or visiting their grave…

She exclaimed…“well, those are just excuses! Paul admonished his followers NOT to worship him, but to worship God only!” I explained that an accusation of worshipping Mary is accusing me of idolatry, a serious sin. I also expained Luke Ch. 1 again when the Angel appeared to Mary.

She said that " I’ve read Like Ch.1 many times! Your just making excuses! There’s no reason to worship Mary!" I should pray, yes, but what else can I do??
Try this website…
web.archive.org/web/20030604074724/http://ic.net/~erasmus/RAZ245.HTM

It gives a biblical view of Mary.
 
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dnewbern:
Please help! Here’s my situation:
Sounds like we have a great deal in common. I’m 48 and cradle Mexican-Catholic, my wife is 46, African American and cradle Catholic also. I had strayed far from my faith when I met my wife, I had been an atheist for over 15 years and she brought me back to the fringe of Catholicism. She wasn’t a model Catholic at the time, but she went to Church if not to the Sacraments.

We have four, 18 to 8, girl, boy, girl, boy. No previous marriages.
What a difference children make!!!
Amen!!! I caught on fire when my first was conceived. All of a sudden I could see the hand of God working in my life!
As our children were born, I’ve become “on fire” for my faith. I openly attend Mass, and sometimes take the kids, but may wife doesn’t like it when I do.

She had a good Mother’s Day, but we had a discussion about “worshipping” Mary. She said that she preferred that I not attend the Mother’s Day Fatima procession, which I haven’t attended in years. I said that because I had to work, I only planned to go to regular Mass.

She said that she could not understand why Catholics “worship” Mary. I explained to her the difference between “worship” and "devotion", and that “devotion” meant the same as being devoted to the memory of a loved one or historical figure and building a monument or visiting their grave…

She exclaimed…“well, those are just excuses! Paul admonished his followers NOT to worship him, but to worship God only!” I explained that an accusation of worshipping Mary is accusing me of idolatry, a serious sin. I also expained Luke Ch. 1 again when the Angel appeared to Mary.

She said that " I’ve read Like Ch.1 many times! Your just making excuses! There’s no reason to worship Mary!" I should pray, yes, but what else can I do??
Well I’ve been talking to Protestants about this very topic for over ten years now and I’ve got some very effective strategies. I can’t say as I’ve converted anyone but many of them have said to me, “I never looked at it that way before.”

First read Luke Ch 1 again.
**
26In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”**

Ask yourself and explain to yourself “what is the angel doing?” Now I recommend you go over this self analysis first over and over until you ask every question you can think of and have an answer for it. Don’t bring it up in conversation with your wife until you do.

So, to begin, ask yourself, “what is the angel doing?” Here are some hints to discover the answers. Is the angel humbling himself to speak to a mere girl and give her a compliment? Is he doing this on his own? Was he sent by Someone? By whom and for what purpose? If Someone sent him, was it really that Person that was exalting Mary through a message by the angel? Does that mean that this person was humbling Himself before Mary through a message by an angel?

Now I’m giving this to you in question form because this is what you should do. Ask the very same questions and preferably let her discover the answer for herself, therefore she will own the answer. If she gives the wrong answer or she doesn’t know the answer then you should try to guide her or give her the response as you see fit.

Do the same thing for the entire Chapter of Luke 1 and 2; Revelations 12, Genesis 3:15, John 2:1-11, and John 19:25-27.

Oh and you might want to discuss the difference between how Protestants interpret Scripture and how Catholics interpret Scripture. You see, we interpret Scripture according to the Spirit, whereas they interpret Scripture according to the letter. However, the Scriptures say:

2 Corinthians 3:6
He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.


You might also want to check in the Coming Home Network. This is a group of people who have converted to the Catholic Church many of which are in the same situation you are in with the spouse remaining Protestant.

chnetwork.org/

I also recommend reading St. Louis De Montfort’s books, “Consecration to Jesus through Mary” and “The Secret of the Rosary”.

Above all, keep praying and remember to be patient cause you’ve got a lifetime together.

Sincerely,

De Maria
 
Making accusations is easy, and they are often hard to defend against, especially if the assertion is based on emotion rather than logic.

My approach would be to switch roles and put her on the defensive. I would say, “I agree with you. To worship any person or thing other than God Himself is wrong. What specifically is wrong with my regard for Mary?”

She can say “you are worshipping her”, but you cannot defend against a baseless arguement. You CAN however defend yourself against specifics. For example, if she says, “you ask Mary to help you, when you’re supposed to ask only God for help” then you can say, “I ask you to pray for me too…just as the Bible instructs us”. If she says “you focus so much on her that your attention is turned away from God” you can respond “The best way to praise an artist is to be in awe of the artwork He produced”.

See what I’m suggesting? Rather than you jump through hoops trying to determine what is the root of her objection, giving defenses she will surely reject, make her explain it to you so you can have a productive dialogue. If she has to explain specifically what she is objecting to, it will help her clarify for herself the core of this emotional objection.
 
I was thinking about this very topic at Mass yesterday and I specifically paid attention to every prayer said by the priest.

Explain to your wife that Catholics OFFICIALLY recognize the Catholic Mass as the HIGHEST form of Catholic prayer and it is the only form of prayer REQUIRED of Catholics – Catholics are not REQUIRED to say the rosary but we are required to attend Mass weekly and on certain Holy Days of obligation. Invite her to a Sunday Mass and ask her to keep score of how many times Mary is worshiped during the Mass and how many times Almightly God is worshipped. I assure you, her number will be ZERO while your’s will be significantly higher.

After Mass, compare scores and have the discussion again regarding the worshipping of Mary.
 
Just another thought:

It sounds like her impression is that you are trying to defend worhsipping Mary (her preconceived belief). That may be why she reacts with “that is just an excuse!”. She may be put a little at ease if you reassure her that you too would be up in arms and emphatically rejecting the pracitice of worshipping Mary! …if that is what was happening. Describe how God alone is to be worshipped, and that the Bible is VERY clear on that point. She may be caught a little off guard to hear you describe agreement with the very thing she is so upset about.

For example. When discussing with a protestant the idea of faith alone, versus faith and works (which is also highly debated), I often start by explaining “We cannot earn salvation. Sanctifying Grace is a gift from God.” Then I continue “and many people feel that to think we have to do ANYTHING, it takes away from the glory of what Jesus accomplished on the cross”. This is usually met with surprise and head nodding as they realize I understand thier position, and it opens the door to real dialogue because they know I am not defending what they previously thought and objected to.

Be careful that she knows you are not defending the worship of Mary. That is why I recommend you ask her to explain specifically what she is objecting to, even before trying to justify why you do what you do, so that she will understand it is not worship and in no way interferes with the proper attitude toward God, who alone is worthy of worship.
 
While in a similar discussion with a Protestant family member a light bulb went off and I realized that we defined for the word “worship” differently.

Many fundamentalist “worship” services involve singing songs about God, a preacher speaking about God, and talking to God. And many Catholics sing songs about Mary, speak about her and talk to her. So, *if *worship means only singing, speaking about and talking to someone, then your wife is correct. (For that matter if that is the definition of worship, a lot of people who sing along with the radio worship things other than God.)

As Catholics, our definition of worship involves sacrifice. I pointed out to my relative that we would never offer Mass to Mary, but that we offer the sacrifice of the Mass to God the Father *through, with and in *Christ the Son in union with the Holy Spirit. I went on to explain that we honor Mary because of her role as Jesus’ mother because *Jesus *honored her in keeping with the Ten Commandments.

She still looks oddly at the statues of Mary I have around my house, and I’m not sure I entirely convinced her that we Catholics aren’t polytheists. (This same person asked me in much later if I thought a priest whom I spoke highly about was a sort of god.:confused: ) She tries hard to be non-judgemental about our faith, but she has heard much anti-Catholic misinformation over her life and can’t quite put it together with reality. After she left, I said a rosary for her and asked God to help perfect the poor job I may have done trying witness to that person about the Catholic faith. Pray for your wife too.
 
I would put the burden of proof on your wife.

I would ask her to put forth examples of “worship”. I would ask her to define “worship”. I would ask her to find in Catholic teaching, catechetics, writing, etc. where and when we “worship” Mary.

“Mary worship” is as old as the Deformation (yes, i spelled it with a D).
 
Well the first problem is she is a fundamentalist! I agree with the above post, let her prove it to you using catholic doctrine. Definately see if you can get her to read Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn! Good Luck!
 
Thanks for the replies and the advice. It may be that my wife views “worship” differently, as on poster stated above…she sees a choir on EWTN singing a hymn to Mary, and, lo and behold, she thinks Catholics worship Mary.

Also, she has claimed that “Catholics worship statues”…I suppose because she sees Catholics pray “to” a statue on EWTN… I’ve explained to her that a statue is a mere representation; an image and nothing more…just like a photograph is a representation of a person, and NOT the actual person. I also expalined that Catholics prayed “toward” statues, and not “to” them…I’m not sure that she appreciaited the distinction.

I suppose my wife’s definition of “worship” is different…she’s just not used to having statues around…simply not used to it…her fundamentalist experience hasn’t given her a workable frame of reference…

I’m going to order “Rome Sweet Home” by Scott Hahn. I do have something in common with Scott Hahn already…I’m 46 years old and have six children, just like him…

Thanks for the posts…this has given me something to move ahead with.
 
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