Wife not interested in NFP and pushing tubal or vasectomy

[kkujaws1]

I have tried talking with my wife about NFP but she is not interested. I will keep trying but she is pushing tubal ligation or me getting a vasectomy. I know it is wrong to do either. Two questions:

1. Is it a sin for if she gets it against my advisement (desire for her/us)?
2. Is it a sin if we have sex afterwards if she has the tubal)?

Please pray for us…

 

[1ke]

kkujaws1:

I have tried talking with my wife about NFP but she is not interested. I will keep trying but she is pushing tubal ligation or me getting a vasectomy. I know it is wrong to do either. Two questions:

Keep trying! God bless you for being faithful to the Church. There are very good brochures and books available through www.omsoul.com, and you can also go to www.ccli.org and get their book on NFP. Don’t give up.

kkujaws1:

1. Is it a sin for if she gets it against my advisement (desire for her/us)?

Tubal ligation is objectively a gravely disordered act. If done with full knowledge and consent it is mortally sinful. Whether or not it is a mortal sin for your wife depends on her knowledge and consent-- that is not something anyone can judge. If her knowledge/consent are impaired, it can mitigate the circumstances.

For you, it is not sinful if she gets sterilized if you have had nothing to do with it and have tried to discourage it.

kkujaws1:

1. Is it a sin if we have sex afterwards if she has the tubal)?

No, it is not sinful for you. For her, well, there is the unresolved issue of her direct sterilizing action-- so you should continue to discuss with her why it’s wrong and try to change her heart on the matter of contraception (from time to time, not every day). But, it’s not sinful for you to have relations with her. There are pastoral directives on this matter that state as much, so it’s not just my opinion but what the church says on the matter.

kkujaws1:

Please pray for us…

What is her objection to NFP? Have you been using NFP?

 

[kkujaws1]

Thank-you for the support and information.

As for NFP - she doesn’t feel it is reliable enough. Her cycles are extremely irregular and she actually had cervical cancer which compounded our challenges getting pregnant the first time (funny thing, when she stopped following the “doctor’s prescription” and we just were ourselves for a month - we conceived). This second time, she actually used most of the concepts of NFP (although she doesn’t know it or admit it) and we conceived on the first try. I think this has her a bit concerned. Our first had some Colic and other stomach issues that have resolved themselves and is hitting her “two’s stage”. My Wife took the Colic/stomach issues pretty hard and I do have to admit, it was tough even on the days when my Wife would get some away time, I’d need my Mom and Sister’s help because I almost couldn’t take it. My Wife has anxiety issues and I think the challenge of a new child and the thought that more could be on the way before we’d be “ready” is very worrisome.

 

[AggieMommy]

kkujaws1:

Thank-you for the support and information.

As for NFP - she doesn’t feel it is reliable enough. Her cycles are extremely irregular and she actually had cervical cancer which compounded our challenges getting pregnant the first time (funny thing, when she stopped following the “doctor’s prescription” and we just were ourselves for a month - we conceived). This second time, she actually used most of the concepts of NFP (although she doesn’t know it or admit it) and we conceived on the first try. I think this has her a bit concerned. Our first had some Colic and other stomach issues that have resolved themselves and is hitting her “two’s stage”. My Wife took the Colic/stomach issues pretty hard and I do have to admit, it was tough even on the days when my Wife would get some away time, I’d need my Mom and Sister’s help because I almost couldn’t take it. My Wife has anxiety issues and I think the challenge of a new child and the thought that more could be on the way before we’d be “ready” is very worrisome.

I hae irregular cycles, and have found the “Marquette Method” to be extremely reliable. you may want to contact them and see if they can help. It uses a fertility monitor that is very accurate at detecting the hormones associated with fertility, so it’s hard to mess up. marquette.edu/nursing/nfp/index.html

HTH

 

[JoyToBeCatholic]

kkujaws1:

Thank-you for the support and information.

As for NFP - she doesn’t feel it is reliable enough. Her cycles are extremely irregular and she actually had cervical cancer which compounded our challenges getting pregnant the first time (funny thing, when she stopped following the “doctor’s prescription” and we just were ourselves for a month - we conceived). This second time, she actually used most of the concepts of NFP (although she doesn’t know it or admit it) and we conceived on the first try. I think this has her a bit concerned. Our first had some Colic and other stomach issues that have resolved themselves and is hitting her “two’s stage”. My Wife took the Colic/stomach issues pretty hard and I do have to admit, it was tough even on the days when my Wife would get some away time, I’d need my Mom and Sister’s help because I almost couldn’t take it. My Wife has anxiety issues and I think the challenge of a new child and the thought that more could be on the way before we’d be “ready” is very worrisome.

Gee, I haven’t had to deal with the woman being the one unwilling to use NFP… My husband used to threaten getting a vasectomy, and I was told the same thing 1ke just posted.

We have used NFP for 7+years now. We’ve concieved 2 children with it (on purpose) and avoiding pregnancy has been 100% effective.

Having future children is a seperate issue. As far as colic - every baby is different. Our first was a colicy terror (though we loved her dearly!), but our 3 since have been wonderfully easy-going with no gas issues. You just can’t tell by the first. They are all different.

Anxiety - I know plenty about that! I have anxiety issues on both sides of my family. I don’t know how to overcome them w/out some divine intervention . I would pray and sacrifice a lot for her conversion. It’s easy to forget - I know I sometimes think my DH is a hopeless case, but when I do pray him, I see the hand of God working in his life. He isn’t full-circle yet, but he’s come an incredibly long way! All in God’s time…

I know I’m not giving you a lot of helpful information here - just lending a supportive hand .

~donna

 

[1ke]

kkujaws1:

As for NFP - she doesn’t feel it is reliable enough.

But she’s never actually used it, or taken a class. She should not discount it until she is at least educated on it. Get the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler and The Art of Natural Family Planning by the Kippleys.

kkujaws1:

Her cycles are extremely irregular and she actually had cervical cancer which compounded our challenges getting pregnant the first time

If this is her objection, then again, it is because she is not educated. “Irregular” is not relevant. You know each day if you are fertile or not. There is no guessing, no estimating, only actual observation.

kkujaws1:

My Wife has anxiety issues and I think the challenge of a new child and the thought that more could be on the way before we’d be “ready” is very worrisome.

I’m sorry, I just don’t see how she can refuse something she has no knowledge about and she’s ready to get a tubal without researching that either. Knowledge is power, she is in ignorance on all counts and her anxiety stems from that.

 

[SemperJase]

kkujaws1:

My Wife has anxiety issues and I think the challenge of a new child and the thought that more could be on the way before we’d be “ready” is very worrisome.

In worrying about her decision on birth control, you seem to be treating the symptom rather than the problem.

I don’t see a contraception problem, I see a mental health problem. Perhaps this would resolve itself if her anxiety were treated effectively.