Wife refuses to convalidate marriage. Am I wrong to divorce her?

[YinYangMom]

Here’s a thought:

Two Catholics marry in the Catholic Church.
As part of the covenant they agree to grow spiritually together.
That’s one of the reasons marriage is a vocation and a sacrament (similar to Holy Orders).

It does not mean once we’re married we can stop learning about the faith or stop growing in it (especially when kids are involved).

It does not mean they are going to grow on the same path in the same direction at the same rate, or that they are obliged to.

It does mean that when the growth is at a different rate the one progressing in the faith continues to pray to lift their partner up.

It’s kind of like that marine code: Leave no man behind.

In a marriage, a Catholic (you) cannot abandon your wife’s soul just because her mind will not allow her to keep pace with your spiritual growth.

You view her as a chain holding your spiritual growth back and you want to release that bond so you can be free.

But you can’t. Civilly or not, as a Catholic who appreciates and respects the Church teaching on marriage, you are the one bound to act according to the teaching, not her. I’m not saying the Church’s position is such that there is no way out of this marriage for you, since I am not an expert in those things, but I’m speaking about your heart. Your Christian Catholic heart. There is the law, and there is the spirit of the law. Since you know the spirit of the laws of marriage are designed to help couples remain together and help each one grow closer to God through the marriage, then even if you can ‘legally’ get out of the marriage, why would you want to do so spiritually? Do you not think God would be more pleased to have you figure out a way to get your wife on board over time than to cut her lose? What if Christ had done that to us?

I would consider the messages you are recieving from the Spirit.
He has called you home.
He has instilled in your heart a longing to do more for the Church.
Believe that He will give you the gifts you need to answer the call properly.

It is possible **your **intended path toward a deeper spiritual relationship with Christ (taking that class) is not His intended path for you.

Instead of focusing on a way to get free from your wife in order to pursue your intended path - especially since already there have been some spiritual indications you are meant to remain married to her - spend some serious time letting go of that path and getting yourself in a position to receive the Spirit’s guidance for you.

You are distracted now so you may be missing some important messages. Step back, reflect on ways to respond to His call from within your marriage. There has to be a way. Let God show you His way.

 

[WICatholic]

Elizabeth2:

My husband was married before and his first wife, a non Catholic, refused to cooperate with the tribunal. He had asked her to go for an interview and she wouldn’t. Like you I had a renewal of my faith after being married in a Civil Marriage Ceremony and the fact that I was unable to receive the sacraments was a source of great suffering for me. I prayed but also never gave up, I knew there were grounds for an annulment. I took many advisors and finally one woman said to me, “Surely if she knew what it meant to you she would want to help.” She said it with such conviction that it gave me the courage to write to my husban’s first wife and tell her what it meant to me not to be able to receive the Sacraments and have our marriage accepted by the Church, and within a few days she had contacted my husband and agreed to be interviewed. .

The Tribunals CAN and do proceed without any cooperation from the respondent, and do reach verdicts… I have two friends who refused to cooperate in anyway, and both were issued similar letters stating that they would proceed without her. They did.

 

[WICatholic]

YinYangMom:

Here’s a thought:

Two Catholics marry in the Catholic Church.
As part of the covenant they agree to grow spiritually together.
That’s one of the reasons marriage is a vocation and a sacrament (similar to Holy Orders).

Excellent post.

 

[Topher]

USMC:

If you were Baptized Catholic and later fell away, then your civil marriage was not a marriage at all. It may be considered a “putative marriage”, but there is neither a natural, nor a supernatural bond That is because, in order for a Catholic to be married, they are required to follow the Church rules on matrimon.

However, it is possible that a person’s marriage may not be sacramental, yet still be a true marrige. For example if one spouse is baptized and another is not, they CAN have a true marriage, but it will not be a sacramental marriage.

Many people think that only a sacramental marriage is a true marriage, but that is not right. A non sacramental marriage can be a true marriage. In the Old Testament the marriages were non sacramental, yet they were true mariages.

A marriage bond of a non sacramental marriage is only a “natural” bond, whereas a sacramental marriage is a supernatural bond, that cannot be disolved. A non sacramental, but true marriage, can be desolved by the Church, but a sacramental marriage cannot be.

The Church can and does dissolve true marriages that are non sacramental. It is actually pretty common. It is not an annulment, since the Church is not declaring that the marriage never occurred. It is, rather, an actual severing of the matrimonial bond, and is called a “privilege of the faith”, or a "Pauline Privilege). A non-sacramental marriage can be disolved by the Church.

I don’t know your situation, but if you are in a valid, but non-sacramental marriage, I think it would be unwise, and displeasing to God for you to seek a divorce. If you marriage is invalid, on the other hand, that is another story.

In the Old Testament, when there were no sacramental marriages, God told us that He “hates divorce”. That would apply just as well today with non sacramental, but true marriages.

Remember the saying that “charity begins at home”. I don’t know all the details of your situation, but I would be very cautious in seeking a divorce so you can “serve the Lord better”. That may well be a deception of the devil. If you have kids, think what it will do to them.

I would seek out another priest. One who will help you form the correct decision and not just tell you to decide for yourself. That is my advice.

Because he is Catholic, the civil marriage is invalid. In which case a marriage never occured and, therefore, a divorce is not immoral.

 

[Elizabeth2]

WICatholic:

The Tribunals CAN and do proceed without any cooperation from the respondent, and do reach verdicts… I have two friends who refused to cooperate in anyway, and both were issued similar letters stating that they would proceed without her. They did.

My husband tried 3 times to get his marriage annulled, once in the 1960’s once in the 1980’s and again in the 1990’s. The first two times the tribunal would not proceed without his first wife’s testimony, by the time he applied in the 90’s she had agreed to go for an interview. The nun I spoke to at the tribunal the last time he applied did say she couldn’t understand why it hadn’t gone further in the 80’s. My reason for posting this was to reassure “no fixd address” that people can have a change of heart. Just because his wife refuses to have their marriage convalidated today doesn’t mean she will still refuse in the future. The similarity in our situations is that both of us were in a marriage not recognized by the Church, and both dependent on someone else’s cooperation. I know how painful that can be, and I wouldn’t like to see “no fixd address” think that he’s stuck in that situation with no hope. If I had to do it over again I would have gone for counselling to get help in finding a solution, it might not have taken so long.