Wife Went Astray...

[Katie1723]

otm:

…would you give him a complete “pass”, or would you suggest that he and she should sit down and ahave a heart to heart discussion about it? Wat about the possibility that he continue diving, but look for other opportunities that don’t require the travel and the danger, such as, for example, shallower dives, and/or working for a company which desn’t require such travel? Or is she supposed to just lump it?

I in no way at all condone her behavior. I have, however, found that often when one party, in particular the wife, starts out on an affair, there was 1 or more serious problems at home that were not being addressed long prior to that, and the husband was at least partly at fault for that situation, which later developed into the current situation.

She was SOOOOO worried about him that she went out and slept with another man. How much did she love him, or was it just what his job afforded her?? He was doing HIS job providing for her. We all know the job she did.
An NO, things are not solely what matters. But it seems to me if she was so unhappy, it was HER responsibility to talk to HIM and not use his absence as an excuse for her indiscretion.
Put the blame or whatever you want to call it where it belongs. He’s not the one who came home pregnant.
~ Kathy ~

 

[Tracyms1974]

Hello, there.

  I've been itching to post my concerns, but I've been waiting for the right time.

  I really feel for you, Diver.  I don't understand why your wife won't even take some time to consider giving the child up for adoption.  It looks to me that the baby would remind her of the affair, too.  There is a reason that I say this.  I was unfaithful to my husband, so I'm sort of in your wife's shoes - a little.  It wasn't a long term thing by any means, but I cheated because my husband wasn't showing me the love that I needed.  (Still doesn't, really.)  Anyway, I thought that I might be pregnant as a result of the affair.  Thankfully, I wasn't, but before I started my period I decided that the best option for our family in the event that I was pregnant would be adoption, or just simply handing over all parental rights to the birth father, if he would take the baby.  Of course, there is no baby, so I learned my lesson and quit messing around real quick.

 You sound like a really sweet person, so I could actually see you taking this child on as your own.  But as a woman who's been the adulteress, I think your wife needs to understand what you're going through.  You're not the one who "screwed up" in this equation.  I know my husband doesn't trust me; he probably shouldn't.  I'm in a position where I have to earn that trust back.  I'm still not happy, but what am I going to do?  I've read post after post telling anyone who will read it that "divorce is fine, remarriage is not."  So I'm stuck forevermore with this man who shows little or no affection to me with no hope on my part of ever being with anyone else.  Oh well, this isn't about me.

 I'm glad to hear that you are in counseling.  My husband and I are in counselling, too.  That's going all right, I guess.  They have a way of approaching problems in ways that you wouldn't expect.

 It's late.  I need to go.  I hope everything works out for you (and me :o )  God is always with you.  He knows what's best for you when you don't.

Tracy

Chesnee, SC

 

[Lantz]

ive have been browsing around the forum for some time, both here and in Australia. I am hesitant to throw problems out for everyone to see, but mine seems unresovable. My problem is that i am a professional diver, contracted out to oil companies, salvage companies, you name it, i dive for it. this may lead me to be away for a month or more from time to time. about once a year.

about 7 months ago, i went to australia for 6 weeks to dive for a company based there to help recover lost sonar equipment. it was a very deep dive, and the hazard pay alone was enough to cover an entire year for my wife and i.

every dive like that, we must get a physical, urine samples, ect, even a prostate exam, which our company physician requires a “no sex” period of 2 weeks.

my wife is exactly 7 months pregnant, and being that we did not have sexual relations from 2 weeks before i left, to after i returned, i cant be the father. my doctor agrees as well.

divers like myself often have very, very low fertility during work months because of the enormous pressures at large depths. my doc told me i have about a 1 in 10,000 chance of being able to father a child after a serious dive.

it wasnt about until about a month ago, when the OB told us exactly how far along she was, i realized that i couldnt be the father. i said that it is not possible. once i told her that i was a deep diver, and when i was in australia, the look on her face was enough to tell me. up until then i assumed she was around 4 or 5 months, and was very happy to be getting another diver on the way.

my wife finally admitted to having an affair 2 weeks after i left for australia. ts not like i am away all the time, in fact i am home quite alot. its just sporadic periods of heavy work. she says she was just “weak”. i was devastated, and i left home for about 2 weeks to stay with a diver buddy of mine in texas. i

i have since returned home, and have begun to try to reconcile this. she wants to keep (care for) the baby, however, i do not want to raise a child that is the result of an affair. as i see it, the man wo she had an affair with should be responsible. we have talked separation, however, she does not work, so id have to pay child support fror a child that is not mine.

i do consider myself a striving catholic, however i think my limit has been reached. i simply do not want to raise a child that was conceived from her lack of judgement and complete betrayal.

my local preist has suggested professional counseling, which i have and am doing.

reconciliation does not seem possible because she is deat set on raising the child in our home, and i refuse. it seems like my choices are 1) singe the rest of my life, or 2) raise a child that is my wife’s and another man’s. is there any way that this can be resolved?

I am very sorry to hear of your marital problems. Recall however that you and your wife are one flesh and this child is every bit as much yours as Jesus was Josephs. I will pray to St. Joseph for your strength in such a hard time. Peace