D
darthbane
Guest
I am a 16 year old boy and will be entering my Junior year next week. I feel as though I have very few friends, and like no close ones. I was depressed about a girl from eighth grade to near the end of freshman year, so I think I missed the opening “making friends in high school” phase, but even before that, I didn’t really know anybody from any other schools than the one I went to. I still only know people from this school. Not counting a study session and religious activities, I only visited my friends once this summer. A lot of people like me, I’m definitely not an outcast, the popular kids seem to overall enjoy my presence, but I never get invited anywhere. My family means nothing to me, so I would hope to value friendships well, but I seem to be missing out in that aspect. I don’t think I’m ugly, though I need to pray for my complexion, which seems almost fully cleared up, so my personality is likely the problem, but I still feel like I’m worthy of making friends. I extremely regret not making/having as many friends and not having as much fun the first half of high school, which is supposed to be an important and unique part of your life, and if life continues like this, I’d feel very strongly that my was most definitely NOT worth living. I feel like I should have alright self esteem, but I feel unable to feel good about myself or be optimistic when nothing just turns out right, and it appears pessimism is the only realistic way of looking at or assessing any situation. Furthermore, I have an oddly specific and very powerful memory, and I remember bad moments in life, even from childhood, and dwell on and evaluate them. It isn’t too much of a problem, but I’m almost certain that if I don’t make close friends and go out and have a typical, good high experience, I will remember and regret missing out on the experience for the rest of my life. I could find whatever intimate happiness I can, but I would never of had friends or had a good time in high school, and this will tear me up and possibly make happiness impossible. Besides that, I am lonely in an unbearably tormenting way, I constantly fall into nihilistic thinking patterns, which I actually like as philosophy, but God is supposed to provide the meaning that frees us from this. There has not been a solid period since I was a little child that I did not ultimately wish I was dead.
My question is, can I ask God for social help? One reason I feel hesitant in as I try to turn to God and offer this to Him is because I feel like God helps bring you closer to him only, and that he may not help or be concerned with my social life. Sometimes God takes away your social life to test you or for a vocation, but I have no idea if he is testing me, making me a better person, or giving me a vocation for the rest of my life. Even if I can be popular, would God ever help to give me something he often explicitly takes from others, and which may be unimportant or frivolous in nature. I don’t know how God views friendships and popularity, because human companionship is very important psychologically, but God may choose to forgo, such as he may forgo sustenance, life, sex, or something frivolous from the faithful for some reason. As I am, I feel I would give any material thing or undergo any physical pain if I could just be popular, and also a beautiful person. I would like to understand vocations and taking up our cross, but I yearn to know how permanent this is. I feel like God turns many people towards a lonely or unpopular lifestyle, but fear I may have trouble taking signs from Him or ever hearing His voice, perhaps I don’t try enough, and day-to-day it’s to me like I feel no outside stimulation from the world. I feel so alone, I feel like people have a natural aversion to me, I feel so desolated. I feel like many are given the attention of challenges or hardships to find their path, but I feel often like God is just letting me sit and rot until I decide to become a priest or give up or something. I feel like I maybe don’t hear what he’s trying to tell me, or maybe I’m just paranoid. Either way, I also fear that God is trying to teach me something, which can be my fault for being stubborn of closed off or something, but this is so hard I just wish someone would tell me what it is, so I can just accept it and God can stop hurting me, which I know isn’t really a Christian way of thinking. As it is now, I feel if it’s God’s will for me to continue like this, in order for a reward in Heaven, then I feel all I have to long for is when God finally decides to kill me. I don’t know how God works these things, and I know to an extent we shouldn’t know, so I don’t know how to talk to God about this.I really want to keep asking for social help, and then for him to help me.
My question is, can I ask God for social help? One reason I feel hesitant in as I try to turn to God and offer this to Him is because I feel like God helps bring you closer to him only, and that he may not help or be concerned with my social life. Sometimes God takes away your social life to test you or for a vocation, but I have no idea if he is testing me, making me a better person, or giving me a vocation for the rest of my life. Even if I can be popular, would God ever help to give me something he often explicitly takes from others, and which may be unimportant or frivolous in nature. I don’t know how God views friendships and popularity, because human companionship is very important psychologically, but God may choose to forgo, such as he may forgo sustenance, life, sex, or something frivolous from the faithful for some reason. As I am, I feel I would give any material thing or undergo any physical pain if I could just be popular, and also a beautiful person. I would like to understand vocations and taking up our cross, but I yearn to know how permanent this is. I feel like God turns many people towards a lonely or unpopular lifestyle, but fear I may have trouble taking signs from Him or ever hearing His voice, perhaps I don’t try enough, and day-to-day it’s to me like I feel no outside stimulation from the world. I feel so alone, I feel like people have a natural aversion to me, I feel so desolated. I feel like many are given the attention of challenges or hardships to find their path, but I feel often like God is just letting me sit and rot until I decide to become a priest or give up or something. I feel like I maybe don’t hear what he’s trying to tell me, or maybe I’m just paranoid. Either way, I also fear that God is trying to teach me something, which can be my fault for being stubborn of closed off or something, but this is so hard I just wish someone would tell me what it is, so I can just accept it and God can stop hurting me, which I know isn’t really a Christian way of thinking. As it is now, I feel if it’s God’s will for me to continue like this, in order for a reward in Heaven, then I feel all I have to long for is when God finally decides to kill me. I don’t know how God works these things, and I know to an extent we shouldn’t know, so I don’t know how to talk to God about this.I really want to keep asking for social help, and then for him to help me.
