Will I find the right person to marry?

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littleflowerforever

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I am a catholic woman, 22 years. I have been a bit sad lately because all of my friends are dating or they are already married. I know God has His time for every people, but the fact that I have never dated makes me worried sometimes and I think that maybe I will never find someone to marry. I am virgin, because I know It is the right thing to do, staying virgin until marriage. But sometimes I see that many men in the Church don’t respect what is the right thing and they don’t keep their chastity. I would want to marry a guy that keep his chastity too. I think marrying is my vocation, but I am getting really upset lately. People say that I have qualities ( And not to sound conceited, but people say I am pretty, as well). I am wondering lately what is my problem and If I have to do something to change. I don’t want to search for someone to marry, I think It isn’t cool to hit on guys, but It is not like I wait in home for the right one all day, I go out and I know some people, but It seems that I can’t find someone I really like. Does God really have someone prepared for us ? Should I lose hope? Any testimonials?
 
You’re 22. You have plenty of time. Relax, have some fun, and don’t put pressure on dating.

Nothing wrong with asking a guy out.
 
littleflowerforever said:
I am virgin, because I know It is the right thing to do, staying virgin until marriage. But sometimes I see that many men in the Church don’t respect what is the right thing and they don’t keep their chastity.
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To be blunt, don’t give a second thought to what other men and women are doing in the Church. You are doing what’s right by abstaining, and that’s the important thing. Trust me, there are plenty of chaste men who respect that and are looking for a chaste woman. I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was to find a chaste woman to be my wife ^^

As for if you’ll find the right man, I’d say you need to shift perspective. I firmly believe there is not a “right man” or “right woman” for anyone. There are people who will bring you closer to God, and there are people who will take you farther away form Him. Find a good, faithful man who will bring you closer to God.

You’re 22, don’t worry about it. Plenty of people haven’t met anyone by 22. I’d say get involved in Church activities and, if you happen to find someone at those whom you’re attracted to, ask them out to dinner. The worst that can happen is they say no.

The point is, innumerable women sprint headfirst into bad relationships because they think they’re running out of time. You’re not. Don’t worry, and don’t do that. You desire marriage, so ask God to send a man into your life if it’s His will. He wants what’s best for you, so the better you are at listening to Him, the better off you’ll be, and the more likely you are to find your place in life.
 
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I ask myself that day after day. I am 31. I thought I would get married when I was young, but I’m really glad I haven’t. There are things that would have made a horrible marriage back then. Don’t worry about getting married, think about it, but don’t preoccupy yourself with it. Work on what you think you need to fix before you worry about getting married. By the way, I have been engaged twice, and I am quite glad I did not marry either of those women. Worry about God, first and foremost.
 
Try expanding your social network so you meet as many new Catholic people as possible. You can do this through diocesan events, joining groups, online Catholic dating etc but if you want to date and marry eventually you need to actively pursue that. Perhaps ask your friends who are dating how they met people to date, or just copy their techniques.

You don’t need to be focused on marriage and shouldn’t compromise your principles, but it would be good to be going on some dates, as it sounds like you would like that and it would help you learn what you might like and not like in a partner, as well as build social skills.
 
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I have a niece that waited and waited and waited. She never even went out on a date. But recently, Prince Charming finally came along. She got what she deserved because she waited for God’s timing. He is a man of high, high virtue that can more than support a family financially. I’m sure we’ll hear about a wedding bells soon, and I am soooo happy and excited for her!

On the other hand, I have a niece that I think “settled”. I feel sorry for her. It was obvious from the first that his virtues do not come close to hers. I wish she would have waited.
 
I myself as a Catholic man have been feeling very similarly recently and am going to my brother’s wedding this weekend as the Best Man and I think being single will hit a bit hard. I pray for whomever my future wife is. You should pray for whomever your future husband is if you don’t already. Don’t pray for what you want, God will provide. Rather, pray for his wellbeing and virtue
 
In the late 1960’s many of my college classmates were getting married within one to two years of graduating from college, and although I did not track many, the general age for marriage (including those who did not go to college) was 20 for women and 22 for men. The average now is 27 for women and 29 for men.

There are multiple ways of meeting someone. If your parish does not have anything (and in particular if you live in a larger city) there is likely to be something similar to “Theology on Tap” or other young adult groups. Most of that will be in the parish bulletin.

There are also friends - and I would not suggest being a “broken record” about the woes of meeting anyone; but a positive attitude indicating you are “looking” is part of the old saying “It is not what you know, it is who you know”. Catholic dating sites are just that electronically.

Friends who are married? Engaged? Not married but dating? They all know someone, or know someone who knows someone.

And a word of advice - there is dating, and then there is dating. The first object should be to get to know people - which is a polite way of saying there are a multitude of activities one can engage in - movies, concerts, weekend activities - which are all ways of getting to know people in group activities, which takes a bit of pressure off of the one-on-one bit that can be overwhelming.
 
My first wife died about 6 years ago (when I was 60) and it was sometime before I could think about moving on.Idecided that my vocation was marriage but the last time I had dated was in high school.I had no idea how to meet women. I was not interested in dateing someone from work as that was opening up a can of worms I did not want to get into. I finally ot on Catholic Match. They guarentee that if you follow their program, you will find a spouce within a year or your second year of dues is free.

Now you have to follow their program. I can say that it worked for me.

One of the things that I put on my profile was that I was not looking for a date or a hookup; I was looking for a wife.

I meet six women before meeting the woman I married, but I could have learned to love any one of them. That is the big thing. Love is something you work at, not something that happens to you. What happens to you is attraction or infatuation; which can become love if you (both) work at it.

Another thing, I prayed with all the women I dated.

Good luck and God bless,

Patrick
AMDG
 
Of course there’s hope! We have a Living God who wants strong families and marriages!

I prayed for my future husband every day. I prayed that he would have an increase in faith and love, that he make good and holy decisions, that God protect him from the evil one. I told God that I was serious, that if a guy asked me out and he wasn’t a practicing Catholic, there wouldn’t be a second date. Some guys were not practicing anything, some were not Christian, some had been married before. Not for me, and I knew if I continued dating them, well I would start to get attached. Then I would try to make a square peg fit a round hole. Saved myself a lot of grief, and grew in faith. When something didn’t work out, that was when I thanked God for his plans, and I told him how I couldn’t wait to see them unfold. In the meantime though I will praise you Lord God, mighty One, King of glory.

This is what I wish for you. We don’t know how life will play out. There are no guarantees. But! We follow a living God who loves us, right to the cross. He is worthy of our love and trust.
 
@littleflowerforever

First off how you feel is completely normal. I think it’s import Not to compare the path God has you on at the moment compared to where your friends are. God has a plan for you and when you daily give it to him you can be at ease.

Some books I would recommend is When God Writes Your Love Letter and Captivating. The following video was great as well.

How Catholics Should Date

How to know if you found the one
 
22 is young. Few are married.
It is true that when I was 19 1/2 I never dated in my life. 22 is not much different.
As to the failure of fellow Catholic Men to keep their chastity:
Ascension Presents:

Chastity Project:
I’m a virgin and am dating a woman who had a bad past, but is really pure now. The idea of her past haunts me. How can I get beyond this? - Chastity
It was said society has lost all social institutions. Find institutions that have lots of Catholics. Usually that means church functions. Talk to other volunteers. Stay after mass. If you leave near a place that has a major conference or near a major university their may be some potential.
What Catholic Reddit has to say.
Pew Research center:
Gender composition - Religion in America: U.S. Religious Data, Demographics and Statistics | Pew Research Center

Me:
46 Men, 54 Woman. 54 - 46 = 8
23 Men, 27 Woman. 27 - 23 = 4
4/27 about equal to 14.8% about equal to 15%.
In other words the odds where stacked against you.

Additional sad PEW that won’t comfort or inspire you, as opposed to going to adoration.
The Gender Gap in Religion Around the World | Pew Research Center
Another long study which touches sociology and psychology:

littleflowerforever said:
Does God really have someone prepared for us ?
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If he did it would be on every marketing pamphlet and in every chastity book.
 
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@littleflowerforever @Dolphin Maybe you guys should get to know each other better… 😎
 
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