Will my kids sin missing mass?

[cayla801]

I have been a Christian from the Methodist background my entire life. Three years ago I reread the entire Bible through a YouTube hermeneutics series…and realized the Bible was very Catholic I spent the next two years researching and as of this fall my husband and I are in RCIA. I am divorced and have two children with (6 and 8) with my former husband. I am currently in the annulment process and once it is done (and of course approved) we can officially join church. My 8 year old is going through the RCIC program.

My problem: my ex doesn’t believe in the Catholic church nor does he attend church at all. He pretended to be a Christian while we were dating then 3 months after marriage informed me he could care less about church and hasn’t attended since. He has our two kids every other weekend. While he doesn’t care that the kids are becoming Catholic, he has no intentions of bringing them home early enough on Sunday evenings to attend 6 PM mass nor will he allow them to attend Catholic school. Both local parishes in our town only have a weeknight mass on Tuesday nights, which is my children’s weekly evening visit with their dad. I am going to do my best to convince him to change to a different evening of the week to get them. But, he is extremely stubborn.

If they miss Sunday mass, will it be okay for them to go during the week (if their dad does change to a different evening)?
If they can go during the week, would they need a dispensation each time?
One of my friends asked if I could take them to a morning mass during the week. I could definitely do that, but then my kids would be late to school. They attend public school…does anyone know if their tardiness would have to be excused because it is for religious purposes?

Just trying to get ideas. I don’t want my older two kids to sin every other weekend by missing mass when they have no control over it

 

[Tis_Bearself]

First of all, there’s no requirement that the kids go to Catholic school. It’s a nice thing sometimes if they can, but plenty of Catholic kids attend public school for a whole lot of reasons.

Second of all, if your diocese is still under COVID dispensation from Mass, then nobody has a Mass obligation - not you, not the kids.

Third, if and when the COVID dispensation is discontinued and the bishop tells everybody they have a Sunday Mass obligation again, then if your kids are in a position that they do not have control over getting themselves to Mass for their Sunday obligation because they are too young, or even if they’re older but have no transportation or can’t oppose their dad’s other plans for the day, then they do not sin by missing Mass when they’re with their dad. They do not need a dispensation every week as their inability to attend Mass is beyond their control.

Fourth, it is neither possible nor necessary for them to “make up” for Sunday Mass obligation by going on another day. In fact, even if an adult misses Sunday Mass without a good reason, they can’t make up for it by going on another day. It’s not like I can say, “Oh darn I missed Sunday Mass because I was having too much fun at the beach, well I’ll just go Tuesday and call it even.” If you would like to take the kids to a weekday Mass on the weeks they don’t go on Sunday, just for all of your own spiritual growth, that’s fine, but make it clear to them that it’s not a “makeup Mass” for Sunday.

Seeing as how weekday Masses are also totally optional activities (except for the very rare Holy Day of Obligation, which if it even falls on a weekday is typically either a major holiday like Christmas Day or else has some evening Mass options for people who attend school or work during the day), the Church would not encourage you pulling the kids out of school to attend a weekday Mass any more than it would expect you to miss work in order to go to a weekday Mass.

 

[1ke]

If they miss Sunday mass, will it be okay for them to go during the week (if their dad does change to a different evening)?

You can’t control what your ex does, and neither can your children until they are adults. God does not expect the impossible. We do not have an obligation when we are unable to attend mass. Six and eight year olds cannot control whether they get to mass or not. They commit no sin when their father does not take them to mass. This is a very common situation in divorce situations. You can only do what you can do. You can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, and without specific custody agreements, you don’t have legal recourse. You could perhaps speak to your divorce attorney about amending the custody agreement.

Do not be scrupulous about this. Do not be anxious. Talk to your pastor and let him know the situation, and that you’ll be bringing them to church when you have them but that their father is hostile to the church and the kids will be under his authority part of the time.

As to going during the week, that is a nice thing to do if they can but it doesn’t substitute for the Sunday mass. It’s a completely different mass. So, the question need not be framed as “is it ok to go to weekday mass if they can’t go to Sunday mass”. It’s ALWAYS ok to go to weekday mass. It doesn’t change the fact that they can’t go to Sunday nor does it substitute for it. Again, if they cannot go on Sunday, there is no obligation.

If they can go during the week, would they need a dispensation each time?

No, your kids do not need a dispensation each time they are unable to attend mass because their father won’t take them. Speak to your pastor.

One of my friends asked if I could take them to a morning mass during the week. I could definitely do that, but then my kids would be late to school. They attend public school…does anyone know if their tardiness would have to be excused because it is for religious purposes?

I don’t see any reason that you should take them to morning mass and make them late to school. As to school policy or the legal rights of the situation-- best to speak to a lawyer in your state.

I don’t want my older two kids to sin every other weekend by missing mass when they have no control over it

Sin is always a choice. You can’t sin when you have no control. Again, this sounds rather scrupulous. Remember sin is always a product of knowledge and will. You have to purposely do something to sin.

. I am currently in the annulment process and once it is done (and of course approved) we can officially join church.

You don’t mention a current spouse-- if you are not currently married there is no impediment to entering the church. Annulment or not. Even if a decree of nullity isn’t granted, you can still enter the church. Am I missing something?

 

[Beryllos]

Just trying to get ideas.

As the previous posters have explained very well, your kids (and you) do not sin in these circumstances.

Since you asked for ideas, here are some:

Though it is not a sin, it is unfortunate that your kids are missing out on the Sunday Mass. However, they don’t have to totally miss out.

Look up on your (or another) parish website, whether they have a video recording of a Mass from last Sunday. My parish does this, and I imagine other parishes do too. Your kids could watch it with you at a convenient time during the week.

I’m not saying that this is an equivalent religious observance, sufficient to fulfill anyone’s Sunday obligation. (It’s probably not.) However, it is an opportunity for your children to follow the Mass, say the prayers, and hear the Sunday Scriptures and the priest’s homily.

Another idea is to look up the Sunday Scripture readings and read them and discuss them with your children. My children and wife and I have sometimes done this when we missed Mass for good reasons (like snowstorm) or not so good (like camping trip 60 miles from the nearest church). We call it Kids’ Ministry.

 

[cayla801]

Thank you for your reply and for the information! Yes, I have been remarried for 4 years.

 

[cayla801]

Thank you very much for the clarifications and informations! That makes a lot of sense that attending during the week isn’t “in place” of missing a Sunday mass. I wasn’t even aware the mass was different at those times.

 

[cayla801]

That is a great idea! We could definitely show previous recordings when they get home on Sunday nights or a different time…as well as the scripture readings. Thank you!

 

[Beryllos]

One more thing: Try to present it as a positive thing, nothing like “Okay, kids, we have to stay up late for this because of Dad” , but more like a great opportunity to be close to God, ask for God’s grace, and listen to God’s word . Or something like that.