Will my Roomba make it to heaven?

  • Thread starter Thread starter TULIPed
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

TULIPed

Guest
If there’s one thing (really 3 things I guess) that Catholics know better than anyone else - it’s about heaven, hell and purgatory.

So I ask you…will I see my beloved Roomba 980 in heaven? I’m upgrading to an i7 (not because my 980 is bad - it’s good very good - but it’s old and busted and ready for rest), and I’m concerned about the eternal fate of my Roomba? Please help!!!
 
Your Roomba has made you soft and weak, like a marshmallow. It will certainly not be going to heaven. But if it does make it to purgatory, it’ll be cleaning floors as a penance.
 
TULIPed said:
I’m concerned about the eternal fate of my Roomba?
Click to expand...
Well, when a Roomba’s connection with its owner dies it receives judgement. Unlike humans, this judgement is devoid of looking at past morality, but future morality. If you Roomba is inclined to do more good, cleaning floors, then its judgement is for Reuseheaven wherefore it is ressurected to a new owner to keep cleaning.

If it is willing, but unable, to clean, it goes to scrapurgatory where it is remade into others, thus living on though gone.

But if unwilling and unable, then it is put in trashell and sent overseas to a junkyard.
 
Scripture tells us, “My Father’s house has many rooms,” and many rooms means lots of cleaning. The apocryphal letter of St. Kirby tells us that when Roombas die, the Angel Bissell comes to bring them to one of these many mansions. St. Hoover confirmed this in a vision.
 
“And the Roomba 980, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever”
 
This makes me very sad for Alfred (my Roomba’s name). 😦

Is there no hope for redemption?
 
Prayer and Fasting… Perhaps allowing him to clean the Parish Sacristy.
 
If there is a place for your Roomba in Heaven, it will be there along with the other Roombas that performed such good and faithful service for their owners.
 
‘Nothing unclean shall enter.’

Your Roomba is in hell.

I’m sorry.
 
It’s still pretty dirty.

Maybe if you gave it a full on rinse, but that would mess up the electronics…
 
Then it faces a life of slavery that will end with getting kicked into oblivion by its owner and subsequent trashing.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top