Witnessing to family

[RCEllis]

My father-in-law is a charasmatic fundamentalist pastor of a free-standing church, nearing retirement.

What is my responsibility toward him (and to my mother-in-law for that matter)?

I perceive a dilema: Aside from the familial friction, any such attempt is unlikely to convert him (he’s a long-time anti-Catholic, and he certainly feels a responsiblity toward the people in his church to appear firm in his faith), but suppose I manage to place sufficient doubt in his mind that what faith he has is weakened… have I now pierced his “invincible ignorance” and thus pushed him closer to hell rather than away from it?

Clint

 

[thomist]

I’m a Catholic (‘womb to tomb’) who has had a lot of experience witnessing my Catholic faith to our separated brethren. Though we obviously disagreed with the usual doctrinal points they always bring up, they trusted me because I am a “Catholic who is also a good Christian” (to which I was always graced by the Lord with the strength not to say, “Duhh!”). Because of their our mutual trust - springing from a faith based friendship - they asked me the same questions about their Catholic parents and in laws.

** I’ll give you the same advice I gave them, use it or not with the Lord’s guidance. The 4th Commandment is to “Honor your father and mother”. In ‘ecumenical’ (aka religion mixed) families the subject that divides us ALWAYS comes up. Especially at holiday gatherings, it seems. Both ‘sides’ are trying to convert (‘coerce’?) each other. In our families we all know each others buttons and are both quick and adept at pushing them to the point where one matriarch or other will - after and uncomfortable silence - adroitly change the subject.**

If alienation occurs (or, more often, ‘when’!), it’s usually not mended til the granchildren appear on the scene.
You were right in thinking that you MAY never see your in-laws’ conversion this side of eternity. Treat your in-laws the way God has commanded. Treat them as a loving son-in-law first and foremost - not as a Catholic “invader” into their spiritual lives.

**Follow St. Paul’s injunction to always be ready to show “the reason” for your belief, but avoid attacking his. Stress the common faith you share (summarized in the Nicene creed). Rather than seeking ways, times and places to challenge his unbelief, find ways to SHOW HOW your faith makes you live: Protestant Evangelicals are often hungry for the Eucharist they don’t consciously believe in. When they see Catholics make the sign of the cross when praying (even in restaurants), mutely genuflecting in front of the Blessed Sacrament, blessing ourselves with holy water, praying the Rosary, it raises questions in them. Sometimes they express this by ‘attacking’ our actions and accusing us of unbelief- etc, etc. **But even more often they witness it and wonder. There may come a moment when they ask why we do these things - and because they really want to know. These are the grace prompted moments for authentic Catholic evangelism.

**Don’t be upset if they ask some other Catholic they know instead of you. Scatter the seed, let God tell you if you’re to water and tend. **

In Christ

 

[Makerteacher]

Witness to your Faith by your life, not by challenging their beliefs. Answer questions if they are asked. That means you need to be ready to defend what you believe.

And remember that even Jesus was rejected in His hometown. It is hardest to evangelize within your own family.

I “feel your pain”. You have my prayers.

 

[RCEllis]

I’ve been doing the ‘Catholic/Christian by Example’ for the last 23 years - I’ve sometimes felt guilty that I haven’t brought things up (nor even ‘acted Catholic’ with signs of the cross and such) but I acted out of a dual interest in family peace and respect for parents. I think I’ll continue my posture and if a question ever comes up (haven’t yet) I’ll be ready.

Thanks for the feedback.

Clint

 

[cmom]

There is nothing wrong with acting Catholic in public. Your family may not agree with your choices, but will respect you more if you are consistant in public and private.

 

[RCEllis]

This may sound flip, but it’s not. How would they ‘respect’ me more if I express my Catholic-ness in front of them?

In fact, I’m not sure what ‘respect’ is.

Clint

 

[TAquinas]

Witnessing by your life is important. They have to see that the Faith is real. Just arguing with someone with an entrenched belief system is probably not going to change their mind.

 

[kristalyn]

Remember these things:

Your best witness is by your ACTIONS, not your words.

You absolutely cannot convert anyone. Only the grace of God can bring anyone home! Pray before you interact, and then listen to the whispers of God’s voice. He may direct you to do something that you hadn’t considered, so be ready!

Preach the gospel always. Only if necessary, use words. (Thanks to St. Francis for the wisdom!)

~K

 

[kirabira]

we’ve had an interesting time with my inlaws so far. We are just 4 years married and there has been strife due to my husbands conversion and what they see of Catholicism.

When my husband came into the Church they attened the mass and were distraught at the homily-- which I thought was great. The priest was trying to be very ecumenical I thought and I specifically remember him saying that my husband was very greatful for the love of Christ that was instilled in him while a protestant and that now he was entering into the ‘fullness’ of the faith.

This statement *really threw my inlaws for a loop. They really just considered Catholicism one more denomination. They seemed to have little understanding of History…
They began asking us questions and really were not ready to hear answers. My husband and I both struggled with how to handle them-- it seemed like if we were going to go the “safe” route of ensuring we wouldnt have any hurt feelings or any rish of estrangement we would in effect need to sort of ‘lie’ due to the questions they were asking regarding Catholicism.
After doing a lot of praying and a lot of sitting on our hands we made the decision we would “meet the challenge” when they raised the next subject.
Its intimidating to sort of speak as an ‘authority’ on anything to your own parents so all of this has been very difficult. We did have a good 2 years where they were pretty hostile to us. But we were steady and consistant with the way we dealt with their issues. They actually started going to RCIA to learn more about Catholicism (they kept this a secret from us!).
Its exciting to see their transformation. Now they are more open to the ‘culture’ of our family when they visit. The insults and sarcastic remarks have stopped. We always knew they simply didnt know any better and that this was why they acted so outrageous at times… so with a little education they seem to have helped themselves to understand more about Catholicism and more about us. So-- I guess I just wanted to say that even if you do have to stand up for Catholicism in an obvious and maybe wordyintellectual way, and the relationship might seem damaged-- its not always the end… it might be the begining =)

 

[Katia]

It’s nice to hear from others in a similar situation. Witnessing to family seems so much harder than witnessing to others. Since your parents generally teach you your faith, it’s a little odd trying to witness to a different faith to them. I don’t know how much credence they give to what I have to say. I became Catholic about the time I married my cradle-Catholic husband. Luckily, my parents didn’t question it and didn’t seem to have a problem with my conversion. There were Catholics on both sides of the family, so perhaps that helped. I’d been raised Protestant, but we’d mostly stopped attending church in my late teen years. My parents don’t even attend church now, which bothers me.

I hope that our lives and involvement in the Catholic Church and volunteer activities provide some witness, and I’m always trying to pass along understanding and information about the Church (low-level apologetics, magazines, books, Q&A). With all the priest “issues” these days, it seems like most questions have to do with that, which gets tiring. It seems like I’m always having to explain how the hierarchy of the Church works, why things are the way they are, what the Church is really about beyond the scandals, etc. It’d be nice to be able to get past this into the real meat of the Catholic faith.