Women and modesty in Confession

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It’s an advertising thing. I do agree though. 😛 Pink is not my favorite color to say the least.
 
I have this book. I will have to reread, as I don’t recall it being helpful in the past.
 
Oh I’m aware. I am just opposed to the general pinkification of all things associated with the feminine. Let’s paint some books blue, it’s Mary’s color, us ladies should claim it.
 
It used to be blue for girls, pink for boys apparently until sometime in the C20th. I’m all for you claiming blue, but I’m not so sure I want pink.

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Hey, y’all will still get to keep black and brown and dark green and all those manly colors too.
 
I agree it’s not always easy to confess - and that’s just the ordinary, run of the mill type stuff.

However, just to add to what edward_george1 has already said, sexual sins come up pretty much every time I hear confessions and that’s from both male and female penitents and across a wide range of ages. However, Canon Law actually instructs priests to “proceed with prudence and discretion” when it comes to asking questions in the confessional - particularly when dealing with sexual sins. Like edward_george1 said - if I need to know I’ll ask; if a priest doesn’t ask presume they don’t need (or want) to know. So for example, if you confessed to having “impure thoughts” I might ask whether you deliberately entertained these (as opposed to them just coming into your head) and whether you acted on them. If you confessed to “impure actions” or to “touching yourself” I can do without the details.

Finally, if this sort of sin is a problem then you’re best remedy is to keep going to confession - no mater how often no matter how many times.
 
Thanks for understanding. I feel the same, yes I feel like other women don’t confess the sins I would confess – even thought that probably isn’t true. I worry it would make me sound terrible if I said impure thoughts even. I know men are uncomfortable in confession as well, but for women there is that added weight of confessing to a male who may or may not recognize you, even thought we know he won’t judge us or is suppose to forget about the sins later.
 
I don’t know if I can see that as true for most. I do believe it is uncomfortable for both male and females, however…as I said earlier, confessing is like appearing nude or vulnerable and well…they have male and female bathrooms and locker rooms for that reason. When I go to confession, I have the added weight of going to a male that other males don’t exactly have. . However, I still do it, I still push through. But unlike males going to talk to male, there is that awkwardness females get. I would feel better talking to a gay male, I’m not suggesting I want gay priests or female priests. Just explaining the level of discomfort.
 
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BoomBoomMancini said:
The confessional is kind of a “safe space”, as much as I hate that term. It’s like talking to your doctor.
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I said this to Fr. above. I can generally choose to see a female doctor. There really is no getting around it, for females I know and a few on here, it is simply uncomfortable to say these things to a male. Again, we push through anyway and get the confession done.
 
I appreciate hearing this, thanks for this post. I am not trying to say the church should change but there is less out there for female confessions. I am not trying to further the divide here but I found more on for men or just both sexes. Nothing truly addresses that it is truly uncomfortable for females to talk to males about female problems/sin etc. I think to pretend that doesn’t exist would deter some women from the faith or confession. I think if it was put out there that YES it difficult for the opposite gender to go to confession but the majority of priests care and do not judge etc etc. I push through confessions because I know there are more good priests out there. I know it’s uncomfortable for all as well, including men.

It’s like females tend to go to their mothers when they start puberty. Males tend to go to their fathers for understanding. I know there are cases out there that are different. My father was always a healer type and easy to talk to, he’s in the medical profession and is a counseling psychologist after retirement. As a child he could talk to me and my sister about puberty with my mom present or around etc. Still, as an adult woman for me, a woman who trusts priests and had/have a good relationship with my own father, and my husband… I still find it uncomfortable. I think there needs to be more talks or books out there on t the “safe place” that confession is suppose to be, yes for all but I think it should address that level of discomfort women feel talking to men. Some women could be afflicted by abuse from childhood and as an adult may not try confession because she has to confess to a male.

I’ve been to confession several times since I posted this question. I tried being vague and say I committed sin against X commandment at least X number of times and the priest stopped me and asked me to please be specific. I tried another parish and I used “impure thoughts with my husband without the intention of wanting a child at the moment” (we don’t use contraception and have little ones) and he just listened, did not address it and asked me about my frustration/anger with in-laws 🙂 It was still good confession and he was a great confessor. I still go once a week.

But it is so good to hear how you practice and how it has helped shaped you. I’m grateful to you.
 
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As I told Fr. in a previous post. I’ve been to confession several times since I posted this question. I tried “I committed sin against X commandment X number times” and he stopped me and asked me to be more specific.

I went to another parish and tried “I had impure/immodest thoughts with my husband without the intention of having children at the moment” (we don’t use contraception and already have little ones) and he didn’t address it and decided to talk about my frustration with in-laws 🙂

As I told Father in the other post, he was still a good confessor and I still go once a week. So some do ask for specifics. I’m generally brief.
 
I love that he did that. I have met a few good confessors here, but that is wonderful your priest said that. Wish I heard more of that.
 
I suppose part of the issue might also bee that some people are poor judges of what is relevant information - for example, finding out the reason for someone missing mass might actually be important.
 
I am assuming you never had an Asian tiger mom for a mom.

They demand and expect a lot out of you. My own mom was more like a drill sergeant than the coddling type.
 
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AlruwhAlquds said:
yes I feel like other women don’t confess the sins I would confess – even thought that probably isn’t true. I worry it would make me sound terrible if I said impure thoughts even.
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First is pride talking, it takes humility to realize that our sins are the same boring sins that everyone else commits.

That is Satan whispering in your ear. Christ knows our sins and calls us by our name. Satan knows our name and calls us by our sins.
 
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