Women: How many women would work, while husband continues being irresponsible?

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sparkle

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Attention women with kids:

Hypothetical Survey Needed:

How many of you moms out there would obtain employment while your husband continues in a lifelong pattern of irresponsibility, intermittent unemployment, getting fired from jobs, not budgeting correctly, and/or or piddling with “home business” ideas usually part-time only?
 
In my experience demanding change in someone else is like trying to make a pumpkin pie out of a watermelon. You are just going to end up with a sticky yucky mess.

-D
 
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darcee:
In my experience demanding change in someone else is like trying to make a pumpkin pie out of a watermelon. You are just going to end up with a sticky yucky mess.

-D
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Darcee:

So for you, if you had a husband such as this, would you just continue working then, or get a job if you had small children, allowing your husband to be this way and it would be O.K. with you? You would be the one supporting the family?
 
That is very hard to answer.

The short answer is I wouldn’t have married him in the first place.

-D
 
If you are in that situation, it’s a bummer. But, you’re married for life, and we’re all required to give 100% to our marriage and family. If that means day care and work, then so be it. Our first responsibility is to pray for our husbands. If I were in this boat, I’d be praying pretty hard that God change him, because I certainly cannot.
 
I was in this situation 14 years ago when I married my first husband. I had to work to support my daughter and myself while he stayed drunk and high 24/7. The marriage lasted 6 years. Its been 8 years since the split and there isn’t a day I regret it. I obtained an anullment for many good reasons. He hasn’t contacted his daugher in a year and hasn’t supported her financially either. I’m not angry, I just feel more sorry for him more than anything.😦
 
Wow. I can’t answer the poll.

My husband wouldn’t be lazy and not support the family.

He stands a pretty good chance of losing his job in the near future, and I will of course, work, to support our family, as I do now (I’m a teacher, so I’m off for the summer!). As he would look for a job, I would support him in that. I can’t foresee him being “lazy and irresponsible”!

A wife who’s working, reluctantly, and a husband who is lazy and irresponsible and not supporting his family sound to me like a couple who need counseling and spiritual rescuing!
 
I would work and pray very hard for my husband. A marriage is a partnership and when our spouse is having struggles, we have to pick up and do a little more to make up for it. But I wouldn’t just let our financial situation crumble because he was having problems. This is one of those situations best left to God to fix.
 
Hind sight is 20 - 20.

You made your bed, now go lay in it.

These were statements that have kept running through my head over the years. Oh if I could only go back in time, but then I’m sure that a lot of us feel the same.

I married way to young, and I was on the run from so many things, I had turned my back on God and I thought marrying my husband was the way to prove to my family that I knew what I was doing. It didn’t take two weeks to realize that I had chosen poorly but there was no way I was going to hear “We told you so”. I had chosen to marry him and I was determined to do all I could to be the good wife and make him love me. Surely (since he had been divorced twice before) he knew what it took to make a marriage work, didn’t he want our marriage to work. My goodness, how ignorant I was.

Well, 17 years later, dealing with alcoholism, abuse, finalcial issues, etc we are still married. I have given the situation over to someone who CAN make a difference. It took me 36 years but by the GRACE AND MERCY OF GOD ALONE I now have the strength to make it one day at a time. Yes it hard, but it is a situation I put myself in. I must admit however, the past year has seen a big change in him (finally). He stopped drinking 4 years ago and the past 18 months has for the first time since we have been married held a steady job. I have two beautiful children who love their daddy very much. I can’t change my coices of the past, and I regret daily how those choices have affected my children but I thank God that I didn’t end the marriage when I would have been so justified to do so, on many occasions.
The only thing my husband is seeing of God and the Church he is seeing through me. That is something I take very seriously, and it puts a whole new deminsion to how I act, what I say. For those who have been in or are in similar situations, we know how hard it is. We get asked, “Why do you put up with it? You deserve better, He is the one that should carry the lead, etc.” Well, be that as it may, what should be and what is are sometimes two different things. The fact being, there are so many of us who are in marriages that are difficult. Every situation has it’s similarities and it’s differences. There is now way one solution will work for everyone. So we are left with how we are going to dealt with it. And that is the issue, what do we do now. I have chosen to continue in the marriage and things are finally changing. (God is a miracle worker!!!)

I pray and I ask for your prayers that I continue to trust God, rely on His strength, Love my husband with Jesus’ love and honor HIM by all my thoughts, actions, and words.

sgt pat
 
My ex-husband was both high and drunk when we said our vows, which was grounds for obtaining an anullment. He never held a steady job and I always had to care for our daughter by myself and work a full time job which was 40 miles away from home. One evening, when she was about 8 weeks old, I left her with him to grocery shop. I was gone about 45 minutes. When I returned, she was sitting in her swing screaming her head off and he was passed out drunk and/or high. I could go on and on and on with story after story. While I applaud the people who have the strength and courage to stay in these disfunctional marriages, I do not regret what I have done. I don’t want my daughter to think that marrying an alcoholic and drug addict is normal. Marriage is no piece of cake. I did re-marry 4 years ago and have a whole new set of problems with a blended family, but this time I have God in my life and when I can’t bear things anymore I pray, pray then pray some more.:bowdown2:
 
Ms Sparkle ~~

I would like to re-itterate what I have said to you in another thread. Not all men who are not working, or not making enough to support their families, are lazy or irresposible. And it is unkind of you to make such judgments. Your question sounds to me like an accusation, but maybe that is because of our “past” 😉

I personally think when you get married it is a partnership, and you do what you have to for the good of your family. Unfortunately in these times, that means a lot of mothers are working. But that has more to do with lifestyle or economics than with laziness.

🙂 Lilder
 
You can usually tell if a guy is going to be lazy and not work well before you get marry. I dated a man for 6 months and found out pretty fast that he expected me to pay for myself (that was fine) and pretty soon, pay for him also. In six months alone I watched him go through three jobs and he was talking marriage to me, I was like, um, no, I don’t think so. I know my aunt married a man who was lazy by nature but she thought ( I can change him) well, 25 years of marriage and so many jobs that she stopped counting and she could not change him and he was cheating on her like crazy while she supported the family, she divorced him (she is not Catholic) she has never looked back, they have two grown sons together, she is not bitter she is better. She said that she new he had these problems before she married him so she was just as much to blame. When I met my husband one of the first things I was looking for was (is he hard working) well, yes, he was and that was so important to me that I let that be my number one reason for marrying him. Almost 12 years and four kids later, my husband is very, very hard working, he is so hard working that he works all the time and takes every last bit of over time he can get, he is so caught up in work and making money that our kids hardly see him anymore and I feel like I’m a single parent half the time, well, most of the time. But, I new what I was getting when I married him and I just pray for him each and every day that he will slow down and enjoy life more. There are alot of things that can drive me nuts about my husband, his works too much and he doesn’t take care of himself and eat healthy and that drives me crazy as dibetes and high blood pressure run rampant in his family, but I have got to give it over to God because lecturing him does not help at all. I suggest to anyone who feels that their husband is lazy or this or that, take it to the Lord, offer up your husband, offer him up everytime the thing that bothers you starts bugging you, instead of dwelling on it, right away pray about it and hand him over to God, yes, it might not happen over night but you will see changes, I’m very slowly seeing little changes in my husband. If it really is so bad then go see a Catholic therapist and get some help, I just don’t think its fair to bash men or anyone when they can’t come on here and voice their opinions, I don’t want to say this and this about my husband and he doesn’t even get a chance to stand up for himself. Again, Pray, Pray, Pray and hand it over to God, he is listening.
 
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lilder:
Ms Sparkle ~~

I would like to re-itterate what I have said to you in another thread. Not all men who are not working, or not making enough to support their families, are lazy or irresposible. And it is unkind of you to make such judgments. Your question sounds to me like an accusation, but maybe that is because of our “past” 😉

🙂 Lilder
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Dear Lilder:

Of course not all men are lazy or irresponsible.! But as stated in the poll posted, given THIS circumstance, exactly like I mentioned, what would women do? That is all that was asked. No judgments are being made or assumed, simply posing questions and a poll.

I’m sorry if you may have interpreted it otherwise.

God Bless You~~

Everyone’s responses and insights are much appreciated.*****
 
Sparkle,

Just curious: What are the repercussions when your husband is irresponsible? That is, does his lifestyle pretty much stay the same while you are holding down the fort?

What would it take for him to be awakened to the fact that, as a man, he is not living up to the plans that God has for him as head of the household?

It sounds as if it might take something pretty drastic to accomplish this.
 
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carrieloon:
Sparkle,

Just curious: What are the repercussions when your husband is irresponsible? That is, does his lifestyle pretty much stay the same while you are holding down the fort?What would it take for him to be awakened to the fact that, as a man, he is not living up to the plans that God has for him as head of the household?It sounds as if it might take something pretty drastic to accomplish this.
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Hi Carrieloon: Thanks for your concern and question.

Well, pretty much my situation is in the distant past, thank the good Lord for opening my eyes up to this sort of predicament women and men bring upon themselves, before it was too late and I ended up a single mom. So, no, I do not hold the fort down, financially, luckily. That is a husband’s job, as a man and father.

Sometimes, yes, it might have to take something pretty drastic to get a man (or woman) in the right gear~~Christian counseling is most helpful. I could tell you many examples of different circumstances I’ve witnessed, many turning out for the better, some not so good.

God Bless ~~
 
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