Wondering about opinions on this divorce

[noclevername]

I am not looking for help, I am just wondering what everyone’s opinions are about something. I am going to try to be as unbiased as possible as I present this.

I know a couple who are getting a divorce. Neither is Catholic but she is very religious and active in the Methodist church…or was. In an effort to try and save the marriage, she agreed to change churches to attend a Baptist church because her husband likes that church and is friends with the pastor. They started marriage counseling sessions with this pastor as well. However, she was completely turned off when this pastor told them they were completely wrong because she works and he stays at home with the kids. She quit going because this pastor was completely biased and close minded and that was not helping her at all. She is the one with the graduate degree who works and makes a very good living. There is no way her husband can make enough money to support the family. So her husband stays at home to take care of the kids. He has about a year of community college under his belt and a couple of years in the army (not sure what he did in the army but it was very short time) but that is all. The army and the community college were more than 15 years ago. Other than those two things, he has never worked a day in his life, not even as a teenager and this is a fact, not an exaggeration.

The two of them have decided to divorce because they are not happy. There is no abuse or infidelity or anything like that they just aren’t happy or in love. They have been married for 12 years. Also, he wants to sue for custody of the kids (she wants custody and will fight for them) and alimony and child support and he has stated that he doesn’t want to have to work so he will be suing for enough to support him so that he doesn’t have to.

I was wondering everyone’s thoughts on this reverse situation. Also, I know most courts will give custody to the mom unless she’s a crackhead or something. When she does get them, I wonder if he will have to pay her child support even if he doesn’t have a job. (he will probably move in with his parents).

 

[Col40]

First–no matter what, divorce is a tragic end. Frankly, it doesn’t sound like the counseling they received was good–the pastor sounds like his friendship with the husband clouds his ability to counsel impartially. I also question any pastor, counselor, etc. who pushes gender-based roles—if the dynamic worked for their family, he should have left well enough alone…

I would encourage them to try another counselor before they completely give up. Meanwhile, the animosity and “fight for custody” is just dragging the kids into the middle of what you’re otherwise describing as “irreconcilable differences”.

My unbiased opinion is they got bum advice from a biased pastor and they need should see another counselor–if the marriage isn’t salveagable, then let them at least have someone who can help them work out a custody arrangement in which the parents are still partners in their children’s upbringing—they’re kids, not possessions.